Friday, September 24, 2010

An Island of Safety from the Great Bed Bug Plague of 2010

If any of your homes are infested with bed bugs you can seek respite and safety in my apartment (only after I spray you down with DDT).

My building manager has ordered that an exterminator must certify each apartment bed bug free. Goodness, I do not envy the young brother assigned this task as God only knows the yuckiness he could potentially find (unclean sheets; sex toys; old condoms; food wrappers; stained underwear; etc. etc. etc.) in a stranger's bed.

[Insert Drum Roll] Just moments ago I passed what felt like the equivalent of a short arm inspection. My place of rest, sleep, and where I take the ladies to space mountain is now certified bed bug free. Now, I can finally exhale.

More seriously, my gut tells me that this bed bug panic is an exaggeration, a hoax, one that fills the coffers of the scurrilous, dishonest, and money grubbing insect-pest control military industrial complex. Sure there are some nasties about, but like dust mites, hpv, and other cooties, many folk probably have them and live in blissful ignorance.

A question: What do you think the bed bug plague is really a signal to? Are the bed bugs symbolic of a general insecurity that most are feeling in the Great Recession? Are the bed bugs signaling to a fear of terrorism, a metaphorical "they" which can attack at any time--a foe unseen and unstoppable? Hell, are the bed bugs somehow correlated with the New Right's nativism and xenophobia for all things not WASP, milquetoast and "authentically American?"


geerussell said...

DDT. Mosquitoes. Dead africans. Bedbugs. Itchy americans.

When the spread of bedbugs finally gets to the point where we bring back DDT, the final piece of the symbolism puzzle will be on the table. Some assembly required.

Anonymous said...

I have to say, there is nothing blissful and small possibility of ignorance with a bed bug infestation. I have lived in a place with them twice (Probably followed me because I played a bit too ignorant) and I still sometimes lie as I fall asleep praying that I never see one crawl through my room again... Shitty occurrence like none other

fatdaddyherb said...

Wasn't that one of the plagues the Egyptians suffered? Call them 'fleas' if you will.