Saturday, September 27, 2008

Chauncey DeVega's World of Ghetto Nerds: All Hail John McCain's League of Democracies!

The first debate between McCain and Barack Obama has provided a great deal of comment worthy material. There were several head scratching moments (at least to me) that deserve exploration. The first was McCain's point that:

Well, I was interested in Senator Obama's reaction to the Russian aggression against Georgia. His first statement was, "Both sides ought to show restraint."Again, a little bit of naivete there. He doesn't understand that Russia committed serious aggression against Georgia. And Russia has now become a nation fueled by petro-dollars that is basically a KGB apparatchik-run government. I looked into Mr. Putin's eyes, and I saw three letters, a "K," a "G," and a "B." And their aggression in Georgia is not acceptable behavior.

For a moment I was praying McCain was going to say "S-E-X"...because God knows that would have brought the house down.

The second "Huh?" inducing moment in the debate was McCain's proposal to form a "League of Democracies." Hmmmm.....I said to myself now this may actually have some possibilities. Who would be in the LOD (a new Legion of Doom apparently)? What would this League of Democracies do? Would they be best friends forever with the Axis of Evil? Or would they fight the Axis of Evil and their poorly planned and needlessly complicated plots to take over the world? Random thought: isn't it ironic that McCain wants to form a League of Democracies when he actually looks quite a bit like Solomon Grundy?

The League of Democracies would be difficult to assemble because the United States is a declining power and our standing in the world is much diminished. We simply don't have the clout anymore to demand that our allies send their best heroes to join our new superhero group. In addition, most of the A-List superheroes are probably really busy in their own countries fighting terrorists and other evil doers. As a compromise, our allies would likely send B-List superheroes to join the League of Democracy as a symbolic gesture of friendship. With those qualifiers noted, I now introduce my suggested members for the League of Democracies.

The United States: the newly resurrected Captain America would be our go to guy here . Cap, despite his concerns about the War on Terror, and how 9-11 changed America, is a loyal patriot. Captain America would also feel a sense of obligation and loyalty to John McCain. They likely served together at some point and have remained in touch. Captain America would also understand that with a legitimate superhero as leader, that he would be able to rally support from other A-List groups like the X-Men (or the other members of the Avengers) if the League encountered a threat that they were under-equipped to handle.

Canada: Sorry kids, there is no way Wolverine is coming to this party. Our friends to the north would send Sasquatch as their representative on the League of Democracy. Sasquatch's strength rivals that of the Hulk and you can never have too much muscle on a superhero team.

The United Kingdom: The Brits are our most stalwart allies. If there was one country that would send their best if the U.S.A. called on them, it would the Brits. Enter: Captain Britain. He is a legitimate superhero--impressive powers, a long history working with American superheroes, and a go to guy in case Cap were to be put on the shelf, Captain Britain is a great choice as number two for the LOD.

The Bahamas: Our island neighbors are excited to join the League of Democracy. As a former British colony, they too share a deep friendship with the United States. The Bahamas also see participation in the LOD as a way to be a bigger player on the world stage. Blink is a skillful niche player for the League of Democracies. Her powers include teleportation and the ability to redirect the powers of other mutants. Blink also has a great pedigree: she has worked with both the X-Men and the Brotherhood of Mutants. Blink brings experience and the always useful skill of teleportation to the LOD.

France: Our sometimes close allies, and other times difficult and fickle friends, the French want to be involved in the League of Democracies. But, they also don't want to part with any real talent. France sees the LOD as a useful organization for enforcing world peace, but they are very weary of any organization led by America. Their solution is Batroc, a French mercenary who is highly skilled in unarmed combat. Batroc and Captain America have fought against each other in the past. This could create some tensions, but Cap is a professional who will be able to move past their earlier rough spots. Captain America is no one's fool and he will certainly be keeping a close eye on Batroc in order to ensure that the French member of the LOD doesn't have a separate agenda.

Australia: The Aussies are always ready to join the United States in a military (mis)adventure. They bite at the chance to join the League of Democracies and send the Tasmanian Devil, one of their best superheroes. The Tasmanian Devil has enhanced strength, reflexes, senses, and speed. When necessary, the Tasmanian Devil is also able to quickly burrow into the ground to either avoid attack, or to wait in ambush for his enemies.

Japan: The Japanese are one of the most powerful countries in the world, but they are limited by their constitution from taking a more active role in military affairs. The Japanese self-defense force is extremely capable and is rapidly expanding its abilities to fill in for the inevitable decline of U.S. power in Asia. The Japanese, like the Aussies and Brits, are down with the U.S. and the League of Democracies, but they have to be careful about their involvement. The solution: Ultraman! This classic superhero has been in retirement awaiting a chance to return to his former glory. Ultraman "volunteers" for the League of Democracies as a "private" citizen. Ultraman's powers are still in great form. Ultraman's speed, weapons, experience, and most importantly, his ability to grow from a normal size human to one that is several stories tall in height are all potent aces in the hole that will be invaluable to the LOD.

India: As the world's largest democracy, India has a great deal at stake in the League of Democracies. India is a rising power that is increasing its influence around the world. India is still worried about Pakistan and China as regional rivals, but they are ready to assert more leadership in world affairs. As a gesture of support for America, India sends 2 members to join the LOD. The first member is none other than Sabu-the magic carpet riding, butt-kicking man for all seasons, the legendary genie and alien benefactor of the planet Earth.

The second is Shaktimaan. Together the Indian contribution to the team represents strength, speed, and power. The dynamic duo of Sabu and Skaktimaan bring a suprise and wow factor to the LOD that will confound their foes.

The League of Democracies is always looking for new members? Who else should be recruited? What countries and/or superheroes are we missing?


Mr. Johnson said...

Italy might send Super Mario, whose power include jumping over turtles and saving princesses.

All-Mi-T [Thought Crime] Rawdawgbuffalo said...


anotyher sign he has PTSD

Caro said...

Here's a couple of possibilities from Mexico: El Santo or El Chapulín Colorado.

Glennis said...

I thought of the League of Nations superheros, too!!

Plus I wondered how his party, you know, the ones who hate the UN, would react toward creating another international body that's basically redundant.

But - nobody does the crazy like John McCain!