Friday, November 2, 2007

Zora says: A Costume Guide for Respectable Negroes and other Strivers

As we all can see, Brothers Gordon and Chauncey have lost all sense of propriety when it comes to dressing "respectable." (The name Gordon Gartrell says it all.) Clothes symbolize our families, our beliefs, our values and our politics. Where is their race pride? Hell, where is their fashion sense? I propose that Gordon and Chauncey be "strivers" for Halloween. (...if only just for one day out of the year.) As a start, I propose the following elements for their costumes:

1. rings because we believe in the black family;

2. ... mexican sombreros because El Presidente Vincente Fox says that Mexicans know how to work hard in ways that we don't (hmmm, we sure could have used nuestro hermanos during slavery);

3. ...
masks everyday because we know that if they knew what we were really thinking, we would get fired on the spot;

4. ... belts because we understand that any job worth keeping wouldn't allow the crack of your ass to show;

5. ... girdles because we all know that there can be
too much of a good thing (this one is especially for you, Chauncey -- I've never seen a man with such a big, jiggly butt);

6. ... hair care products that are neither flammable nor reflect the sun;

7. ... condoms -- unless we are fully insured with a good job, no debt, a house and a strong relationship;

8. ... hard-soled shoes because we know that sneakers can only carry us so far -- and that distance ends at the edge of the court (define "court" anyway you wish).

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