Thursday, November 1, 2007

Chauncey DeVega says: It is Halloween in the Hood

Do you know how hard it was to make these costumes? Trust, it wasn't easy--and as will become abundantly clear, I am not a pro with Photoshop. Speaking of which, Seattle Negro where you at?

Example number 1: The 'Cos

See Bro' Cos strikes fear in the hearts of all our ghetto brethren, and quite a few guilty white liberals as well. But, there seems to be no site where a person can buy a Bill Cosby mask. He challenges the pathological behavior of the underclass, he speaks truth to power, he produced and wrote the Cosby kids, Bro' Cos' has kids out of wedlock and drugs his victims prior to ruttin with 'em, and he warns young black people about getting shot over pound cake. Yup, this costume will frighten all the ghetto denizens, poverty pimps, social workers, Michael Dysons and other victomologists everywhere.


1. find a bill cosby mask---I couldn't, but if one of you readers can hook a brother up it would be appreciated, but it is late so I didn't look too hard
2. put the mask on
3. Go out and buy some superglue
4. buy, borrow or steal a poundcake, but do not spend more than 5 dollars on said cake
5. apply glue to the top of the mask
6. apply glue to the bottom of the cake
7. affix cake to plate
8. glue plate to top of mask
9. practice your "cosbyisms"
10. go out and trick or treat

I present 'The Cos:

Example number 2: Mr. White T/I Be Saggin

Brothers, you all need help. You all are creating a moral panic. Did you know my tax dollars are going to educate you all, and to make billboards to educate you knuckleheads about how your saggin pants are bringing down society? Frankly, this is more embarrassing than those old tom negroes testifying before congress about the n-word...damn, this is almost worse than magic johnson doing color commentary for the nba. Now I, Chauncey DeVega, have to be careful about my saggin lest I be featured on the evening news. Frankly, that ain't right.

Plus, too damn many of you are gettin caught by the 'po 'po 'cause you be saggin. Please, after you rob me, my sister, my grandma, or my friends, at least keep your pants from falling down. As my favorite emcee of the moment, Brotha Priest says, "pull your pants up!!" and you can't move forward in life cause you showing your underwear:

Did Dr. King and his peeps get their asses whooped so you could sag? And no, don't you tell me this is "authentic black youth culture", and that "saggin" represents a rejection of an oppressive labor regime and is a type of infrapolitics where young, disempowered peoples have transhistorically appropriated style, fashion, speech, and "the politics of the everyday" to counter power. No, young niggrahs, and whiggers who copy them, you all just ign't and you certainly aren't hood scholars who have ever read Habermas, Certeau, or Scott. Nor do you know anything about power, the public sphere, or how to exercise your own agency in ways that do not reinscribe the terms of your own disempowerment. You are not fighting power and a future of "McJobs". Nah, you all just want to show your butts to each other, and to our lost young sistas who think you are cute.

I think my brothers at got it right..this 'saggin mess is just a way of being a punk and secretly wanting to visit the tossed salad man in the booty house, own it, don't be scared of it. Zora, I just couldn't resist:

Plus saggin backwards spells niggas, don't you understand this my saggin brothers?

I introduce the ghetto sleeping shirt. Not too scary, but doesn't it look nice on these kind white folks?

To persuade you all as to the viability of this costume how about:

You all know you want that white goddess in the middle.

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