It was a hell of a week wasn't it? I don't know exactly what happened because my memories are a bit fuzzy. Earlier today I received a phone call from Dr. Ronald Mallett, physicist at the University of Connecticut, and a fellow respectable negro. For those of you not in the know, this brother is working on time travel and is definitely a first ballot entry into the Ghetto Nerd Hall of Fame.
On the phone, Brother Mallett proclaimed: "Chauncey, I got the answer! I can close the Niggaro rift!" I was so confused I didn't get what he was talking about...I rattled off some nonsense about Black Republicans and being a Rush Limbaughesque news commentator. Thank god, Brother Mallet calmed me down, he simply said, "everything is gonna be alright, everything is gonna be alright."
It seems that Brother Mallet had been working on this problem for years and had actually anticipated that the Large Hadron Collider would tear a hole into the Niggaro Universe. His solution was simple. Brother Mallet decided to simply figure out the ratio of dark matter to "normal" matter in the Niggaro Universe and to send a heavy proton beam into that universe on an inverse frequency. This would create a unitary function that would in turn nullify the effects of the Niggaro Universe, and in turn, close the rift.
In essence, Dr. Mallet computed the inverse function of the unified field theory which was operative in the Niggaro Universe and found a way to send energy which would vibrate at the exact wave function necessary to close the convergence. I was utterly confused by his explanation. But, I intimately understood his formula:
The Foundational Matrix: The Time Haters
Variable 1: Call Me Mr. Tibbs!
Variable 2: Brother Bruce Lee
Variable 3: Some P-Funk
Radiation added: So Black and Cool it Glows
Isotope 1: Pryor's Genius
Isotope 2: Redd Foxx's Genius
Compound Zero: Ol'Dirty is Undefinable
Base 1: Dignity
Base 2: Pride
For the closing explosion--
Anti-Matter 1: Damn!
Anti-Matter 2: Even More Damn!!!
Matter 1: Genius
Matter 2: Use the Force!
Matter 3: Rakim Knows All
Matter 4: Too Cool
So that Our Universe Can Prepare the Niggaro Universe to be Conquered--Heavy Protons: Brother Malcolm
Thank you, thank you, thank you again, Brother Mallet for finding a way to get We Respectable Negroes back on track. I know we will be hearing from you again, but in the short term, let's get back to our task of exposing stupidity and foolishness wherever we may find it.
Conflict with the Niggaro Universe has renewed us. My respectable negroes and white allies, we are now ready to return to battle! In return for your dedication we promise you glory: