Wednesday, July 23, 2014

A Pachyderm John Holmes? My New Happiness Pill. I Think This Scientist Likes Elephant Penises a Bit Too Much

I do think that the female scientist in the above video is a bit too excited by her handling a massive elephant cock kaboom stick yard arm penis. Her male partner, assuming she has one, is either very lucky and likely blessed with great endowments or in a whole lot of trouble from his inability to follow up on the visual stimulation provided to his paramour by a massive elephant penis.

Elephants are non-human people. They--along with the dignified and graceful sea cow--are one of my favorite animals. Elephants have politics, language, culture, and are self-aware. Elephants also have a problem with ign't wayward male youth in their communities--which they deal with quite effectively.

[I have always dreamed that Bill Cosby could one day lead an army of elephants through some of the United States' inner city communities and clean out the ign't infestation via some serious mentoring and teaching of appropriate rules for manhood...along with some butt kicking as needed.]

Elephants will stop to look at themselves in a mirror. They also use paint to adorn themselves and each other in order to change their appearance. I would like to believe that our elephant friends are capable of vanity. As such, I smile and laugh at the thought of a bull elephant posing in the mirror and saying to himself "yup, I am packing".

I believe that humanity is united by a collective subconscious. Jungian psychoanalytical frameworks are also very compelling to my understanding and vision of the world. We, if we so choose and are able (biology and brain structure varies from person to person), do feel each other's pain.

The invasion of Gaza, the shootdown of the Malaysian airliner in the Ukraine and the subsequent horrible treatment of the deceased's families, immigrant children sleeping in cages at the U.S. border, as well as a broken economy and a sick American political system where the Republicans are cruel and wicked to all but the moneybaggers and financiers, can be draining and depressing.

In those moments, I use one of my personal happiness pills to bring about an instant smile. The clip of the female scientist who is oh so fascinated by a huge elephant penis is now in the permanent rotation along with the "Lamont Goes Karate" episode of Sanford and Son, the bathroom stall "writing on the wall" scene from the great movie Bubba Ho-Tep, The Three Stooges pie fight, any interactions with Bigfoot and Beetlejuice on the Howard Stern show, and this video of a woman's pet raccoon making a mess of her clothes in the closet.

What are some of your personal happiness pills?


D. Wright said...

A slight point of contention: the problem of wayward male youth cannot be solved until the legion of gun toting poachers and their wealthy patrons, who rendered them fatherless, are dealt with, in our communities and theirs.

On topic: I have a pair of kittens. Their antics keep me cheerful.

chauncey devega said...

Cat antics! Love them. The solution to the ign't plague must be multifaceted.

Lkeke said...

I don't have kids or pets so my Happy Pill consists of watching animals ( pandas, dogs, cats, Pygmy goats) do funny stuff in videos and cooing over other peoples babies, whether they are cute or not.

Scopedog said...

My personal happiness pill (or pills)?

Watching episodes of DUCKMAN, or episodes of anime like TORADORA! or BLACK LAGOON. Or looking through my collection of artbooks.

joe manning said...

Animals and humans are intimately related and our rights depend on theirs more than we care to admit. Check out Pharrell Williams song "Happy."

Myshkin the Idiot said...

I like to think of some of my favorite scenes from old Simpson's episodes. I haven't watched any in a while, but I was an addict.
I recently watched a funny "animals interrupting people doing yoga" video, one scene stands out a lot. A woman attempting headstand by a wall tells her dog, "no!", then proceeds to stand on her head as the dog knocks her down and tries to hump her. too funny, luckily my dogs aren't into that at all.

Getting my two year old happy is a treat. We took him to a big indoor playground with bounce houses last night and he had a blast. He climbed up a large slide and then was intimidated by the long high drop. He turned to go back down the stairs, but that was even more intimidating. He decided to give the slide a shot and he loved it. He went down several more times. He has a motor planning delay, so it was great practice for him to think about what to do with his body on these large inflatable bounce houses.

chauncey devega said...

The panda is an odd creature. They are so nice to look at but not too be provoked. I do like Pygmy goats.

chauncey devega said...

Duckman is good stuff. What is Toradora! about?

chauncey devega said...

I absolutely agree. I think we mentioned this before, but the overlap between the Abolitionist movement in the 19th century in the UK and animal rights is very fascinating.

chauncey devega said...

how cool. you sound like a good father. everything really is new when seen through their eyes. what other fun things does your son enjoy?

Myshkin the Idiot said...

He loves to run. He loves water, any type of water, stream, bath, water in a cup, river, rain. Just something enjoyable and new about it every time.

He enjoys most things, when he doesn't like something he'll let you know, which is predictably unpredictable. He doesn't like falling asleep, my wife just got him to take a nap for the first time in over a week.

We're taking him to his first county fair tonight with some friends of ours. Should be interesting and fun. I'll be on the look out for some anti-Obama t-shirts, maybe even a booth, usually see those around here.

And holy crap I was just interrupted with a phone call about that job teaching adult civics classes. It's part-time which is perfect for me, a couple of evenings a week, so full time daycare isn't a problem. It pays well. It really is about who you know. She's the assistant and happened to be in a restaurant I used to work at talking to my old boss. Somehow my name came up and she recalled my application, they vouched for me, she gave me a call. We're really excited. I should get an interview now after she contacts her boss. Sheesh, I need a haircut.

DanF said...

Playing with my kids and being with my wife, but sometimes they don't want to cooperate on the happiness front. Go figure - they have their own agenda and agency and aren't just there to make me happy... The nerve! The dogs are always a good plan B.

Elephants will also mourn their dead - repeatedly visiting the bones of their dead ancestors, picking them up with their trunks, and gently rolling them around. A bull elephant in the wild is quite the intimidating sight to behold!

Bubba Ho Tep - I used to work with Bruce Campbell's first wife (Chris) when I was first out of college and still living near L.A.. She brought him to an office picnic once. I had no idea who he was other than he was the "guy in Evil Dead." Just one of those goofy things that came with living out there.

Scopedog said...

TORADORA! is a high school comedy that you could call an anime re-telling of "The Taming Of The Shrew". It was based on a series of "light novels" originally published in Japan. Needless to say, I loved every minute of it-I found it to be very funny (but with a few serious moments too).

My niece loved it more than I did...but I think it's because she identified with the main female character.

Luckily, the anime is available in the US, and they've just released the Blu-Ray with an English dub included (which to my ears sounded quite good). It is rather expensive, sadly, but the original DVD subtitle-only release should be at a reasonable price.

(Hope this long-winded explanation helps!)

And as far as I'm concerned, DUCKMAN remains one of the best and smartest animated shows ever made. Truly ahead of it's time.

Scopedog said...

Bruce rules!

Although it still baffles my friends when I tell them that the person who first showed my brothers and I EVIL DEAD II when we were still kids....was my own mother.

I will always be grateful to her for making me a Bruce Campbell fan for life.

TIGER said...

MARTIN,SCARY MOVIE3,KEY & PEELE skits- the speaker after the "I have a dream" speech & ep.24 "I'm gonna !@@! you in the @$$"

chauncey devega said...

Looking that one up. At first I was cold on them. Now I see their genius.

chauncey devega said...

What was he like?