I Am a Sociopath
Remorse is alien to me. I have a penchant for deceit. I am generally free of entangling and irrational emotions. I am strategic and canny, intelligent and confident, but I also struggle to react appropriately to other people's confusing and emotion-driven social cues.
I was not a victim of child abuse, and I am not a murderer or a criminal. I have never skulked behind prison walls; I prefer mine to be covered in ivy. I am an accomplished attorney and law professor, a well-respected young academic who regularly writes for law journals and advances legal theories. I donate 10 percent of my income to charity and teach Sunday school for the Mormon Church. I have a close circle of family and friends whom I love and who very much love me. Does this sound like you? Recent estimates say that one in every 25 people is a sociopath. But you're not a serial killer, never imprisoned? Most of us aren't.
Only 20 percent of male and female prison inmates are sociopaths, although we are probably responsible for about half of all serious crimes committed. Nor are most sociopaths incarcerated. In fact, the silent majority of sociopaths live freely and anonymously, holding down jobs, getting married, having children. We are legion and diverse.
You would like me if you met me. I have the kind of smile that is common among television show characters and rare in real life, perfect in its sparkly teeth dimensions and ability to express pleasant invitation. I'm the sort of date you would love to take to your ex's wedding—fun, exciting, the perfect office escort. And I'm just the right amount of successful so that your parents would be thrilled if you brought me home.
One of my favorite books in recent years is The Sociopath Next Door. I found that gem in the sale bin at Borders, and grabbed it as my book to read on the commute for the week. The Sociopath Next Door is seductive. It is also frightening.
Did you know for example, that there are more sociopathic personalities in the United States than there are diabetics?
If you have had a manipulative and cruel boss, a neighbor who lives to annoy and fight over the most simple issues, watched in awe at the machinations of corporate robber baron CEO's (such as Mitt Romney) that profit by destroying people's lives without regret, or had a partner, friend, or intimate that seemed "not quite right" as they parroted human emotion but did not really seem to "feel" in the same way that emotionally and psychologically healthy people do, then yes, you may have encountered a sociopath.
The sociopathic personality is not necessarily the cartoon character of human evil such as a Hannibal Lecter or Jeffrey Dahmer. Those are easy marks, super predators that the mass media has played up in order to scare the public by fulfilling the mantra "if it bleeds it leads" that drives news coverage in the United States.
The sociopath is common and mundane. This is precisely why they are so dangerous. I am lucky in that after reading The Sociopath Next Door, I was able to make sense of one of my former work colleagues who lived to manipulate, lie, hurt others, and create chaos.
She was masterful because of an ability to make her behavior seem utterly and totally reasonable while making those others in her circle of sociopathic hell feel like we were the "crazy" ones. As The Sociopath Next Door details, such behavior may be cruel when viewed from an outsider's perspective; it is nonetheless perfectly rational for the sociopath as a means of advancing his or her goals.
Psychology Today has a piece called Confessions of a Sociopath that is well worth reading. It is written by diagnosed sociopath M.E. Thomas and is excerpted from her forthcoming book.
Her conclusion is very provocative and mirrors some of my concerns about he who would have been president Mitt Romney:
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a sociopath's dream. Mormons believe that everyone has the potential to be godlike—I believe this includes me. Every being is capable of salvation; my actions are what matters, not my ruthless thoughts, not my nefarious motivations. Everyone is a sinner, and I never felt that I was outside this norm.
When I attended Brigham Young—where students were even more trusting than the average Mormon—there were myriad opportunities for scamming. I stole from the lost and found, saying I lost a book, but then I would take the "found" book to the bookstore and sell it. Or, I'd take an unlocked bike that sat in the same place for days. Finders, keepers.
But I am functionally a good person—I bought a house for my closest friend, I gave my brother $10,000, and I am considered a helpful professor. I love my family and friends. Yet I am not motivated or constrained by the same things that most good people are.
I don't mean to give the impression that you shouldn't worry about sociopaths. Just because I'm high-functioning and nonviolent doesn't mean there aren't a lot of stupid, uninhibited, or dangerous sociopaths out there. I myself try to escape people like that; after all, it's not like all sociopaths give each other hall passes to avoid harassment.
Despite having imagined it many times, I've never slit anyone's throat. I wonder, though, had I been raised in a more abusive home, whether I would have blood on my hands. People who commit heinous crimes—sociopath or empath—are not more damaged than everyone else, but they seem to have less to lose. It's easy to imagine a 16-year-old version of myself being handcuffed in an orange jumpsuit. If I had no one to love or nothing to achieve, perhaps. It's hard to say.America's celebrity culture, hyper individualism, gross capitalist excess, and worship of greed encourages and rewards psychopathic behavior. Given their pathological narcissism, Millennials and the Facebook generation are particularly vulnerable to the rewards and delights of sociopathic behavior. And rich people, those captains of industry and social climbers, are also especially prone to cheating, lying, and other anti-social behaviors--moreover, such behavior is incentivized in many professions.
In the same family of anti-social behaviors, the corporation, if evaluated as an individual by a clinician, would be diagnosed as a "psychopath:"
America is a corporate market democracy. She is also an Imperial power. Thus a question: is the United States a sociopathic country? And what does this mean for her citizens who are not sociopaths?
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I'm going to be a bit broad here:
---The nation was "founded" on the corpses of dead Native Americans and built on the blood of Slaves, mostly by a crew of religious intolerants and greedy bastards.
---"American Exceptionalism" is the official mythos, rendering any "Other" an enemy of "Divine Destiny."
---We just "take" without any concept that things have to be regrown, that even if we reproduce, we just have contempt for our kids and other future generations.
---We're more attached to inanimate objects than interacting with fellow humans.
---The only values here are money, greed, and violence. Intellect and compassion are considered "effete."
---We have angry working-class bastards who vote against their own paycheck and then blame other members of the working class for being "moochers."
---And a vast number of us are PROUD of this shit. Some even whine for the "Good Ol' Days" of total white/male supremacy.
I can write a novel, but at times the US is SociopathLand.
Good post.
You cut straight to the meat like a razor don't you! The question then becomes is there any modern nation state that is not sociopathic/psychopathic?
I was thinking of Norway and Sweden too. Imagine the United States ever formally apologizing for a crime and then offering proper compensation. She has done so very rarely and is loathe to do so for black folks especially.
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I've read The Sociopath Next Door, and agree that it uncovers something most people never realize. After reading it and thinking about Ayn Rand's ideas, I came up with a new slogan for Ayn Rand's objectivism: "Making the world safe for sociopaths". Most cults and cult-like religions (LDS, Scientology, etc.) are safe harbors for sociopaths, too.
Sounds like a t-shirt to me. What part of the book did you find most disturbing?
Lee makes some uncomfortable points, but important ones.
Participation in a community is not something one can consume a la carte. You either accept your obligations as part of the community—and some obligations show little immediate personal ROI for your time, money or charity—in the belief that your actions earn you the security of being a part of a bigger whole.
Sociopaths are expert at calculating the ROI of co-operation. Do we, as a community, make them pay a high enough price for the return they get from us?
If you have had a manipulative and cruel boss, a neighbor who lives to
annoy and fight over the most simple issues, watched in awe at the
machinations of corporate robber baron CEO's (such as Mitt Romney) that
profit by destroying people's lives without regret, or had a partner,
friend, or intimate that seemed "not quite right" as they parroted human
emotion but did not really seem to "feel" in the same way that
emotionally and psychologically healthy people do, then yes, you may
have encountered a sociopath.
lol, who declared that the pussies who overreact to interpersonal "microaggressions" (now the term du jour for describing much of what passes for racism/sexism/ablism/etc...,) and can't simply handle that imaginal signal noise for the triflingness that it is - are psychologically healthy?
Instead of healthy, these are weak, self-obsessed pansies who want to be loved and safe at all times. If my grandparents and parents had been so weak and pathetic, they would never has survived and thrived through the rigors of Jim Crow America.
Her conclusion is very provocative and mirrors some of my concerns about he who would have been president Mitt Romney
Then you must surely be losing your mind over the Hon.Bro.Preznit who more adroitly masks his generalized contempt for these humans. Unless of course, you've simply fallen for the Obamandian ruse?
http://subrealism.blogspot.com/2008/02/obamamandius.html
http://subrealism.blogspot.com/2008/03/obamamandius-unifying-america.html
http://subrealism.blogspot.com/2008/05/global-rorschachian.html
I've spent a day thinking. A day thinking about everything from Turkish Genocides of Armenians to Belgian Genocides in the Congo; from the Nazis to their soulless collaborators; from Mao to Stalin to Pol Pot (in some cases, a despot's name may represent the majority of the state's actors).
We are the worst. And we are beyond redemption. Why? After WWII, our wealth compared to the rest of the world was beyond belief. We had some legitimate concerns about the USSR's acquisition of nuclear weapons, but we had, as we do today, a military that smothered the world with the most advanced weaponry you can imagine. We made some cosmetic changes to "the racial problem," but a true lack of national accountability has led to the current rise of hideous white supremacist groups. We could have fed and educated our citizens ten times over, but the War on Poverty withered when the War on Vietnam was ratcheded up to a point of self-nihilism---the same we see today as we bumble about in Afghanistan watching a smoldering Iraq. No accountability. The Gilded Age is back, and the loathsome MFers who have everything are now rubbing their feces in the face of the poor.
I think what I'm saying is that we knew better, we had more, yet we fell short. To the point that we are on the road to a horror show.
I'm still struggling to make my case coherent, so I'm going to shut up now. The subject is too complex for a comment board.
Thanks for your interest.
I'm gonna shut up now..
Do you reject the very premise that there are sociopathic personalities in our society? If so, then you are standing against the data and findings.
If not, then you have to, as a reasonable person, acknowledge the harm they can and have done to people. Trust me this person was sociopathic. I get all of your blood and steel and iron self-reliant stuff. That is a nice mantra.
But, microaggressions and macro-aggressions are real even if choose to try to ignore them and how they may impact your own life and career trajectory.
If someone is trying to ruin your career for the fun of it for example--which I have seen--then you are not a "pussy" who is overreacting btw.
I know the default is something about "feminine" xyz and such mess. But, let's be real. Moreover, I would bet money that some of the folks you encounter who are bureaucrats are also sociopathic. The profession would attract them.
Do you reject the very premise that there are sociopathic personalities in our society?
Is that what I wrote?
If not, then you have to, as a reasonable person, acknowledge the harm they can and have done to people.
Sheeple exist to give up meat and wool. phukkem....,
I get all of your blood and steel and iron self-reliant stuff. That is a nice mantra.
No you don't. Which is why you need to keep the Hagakure out yo mouf..., Edo was a period of 350 years of zero population growth. Perfect maintenance of a sustainable ecological footprint in a narrowly food and resource constrained environment. Pure.cultural.perfection....,
If someone is trying to ruin your career for the fun of it for example--which I have seen--then you are not a "pussy" who is overreacting btw.
lol, why is that ass-hat still walking around shitting on you instead of drowning in his own blood?
I know the default is something about "feminine" xyz and such mess. But, let's be real.
Left for dead is not a slogan CDV, it's a way of life...,
The thing that struck me is how being a sociopath isn't just the horrible cases. I saw now that the people who were destroying other people's lives for no good reason were sociopathic. I was lucky to have no sociopaths in my immediate family, but saw their destructive effects elsewhere when I was growing up. And, interestingly, as I travelled and got to know other cultures (I travel a lot in SE Asia), my friends there reported the exact same sociopathic behavior in their aquaintances and relatives. Behavior is really pretty constant across all humanity.
Thank You. I also think Rand is an apologist for sociopathic behavior. What really scares me is how sociopaths are openly celebrated in our culture. Dexter is just one blatantly creepy example (he's a real hero 'til he wants your parking space and disembowels you). I also have some concerns about "Confessions of a Sociopath" because this, too, seems to be a glamorization of heartlessness. (I also think its claims to being nonfiction are dubious). The hyper-individualism of American culture has led us to celebrate behavior that is more natural to reptiles than to the most socially interdependent species of mammal on the planet. You want to be completely self-reliant? Die and come back as a lizard. Tragically, in America we have been eagerly buying a reptilian concept of "strength" for years. Yes, we are a sociopathic country. Yes, we celebrate and REWARD sociopathic behavior.I wonder if we'll ever be advanced enough to realize that brutality is weakness and compassion is strength.
"is the United States a sociopathic country? And what does this mean for her citizens who are not sociopaths?" We are definitely a sociopathic country. For the majority who are not sociopaths? We are ridiculed for being "weak" and for encouraging the "moocher class." We are sneered at when we stop to comfort and give money to people who are homeless. When we prefer to work with vulnerable human beings (children, the elderly, the disabled) rather than with machines, we are vastly underpaid (if we are paid at all) and we are viewed with contempt - as losers - by those in power (who work with numbers and machines). Basically, the less sociopathic you are in American culture, the less status you are granted. It has gotten to the point where you will even be denied the ability to survive. This has got to change.
What's got to change is the unsustainable ecological overshoot of sheeple http://subrealism.blogspot.com/2009/11/sure-on-individual-basis-and-ill-prove.html
Obamandius! LOL! You had him pegged from the beginning, CNu. We have witnessed nothing short of the apotheosis of neoliberal sociopathocracy, as contrasted with the GOPathic the version that has prevailed since Reagan. The smooth superficially charming variety first displayed, at the presidential level, by Clinton. Unlike the GOP version, Obamaism is even more virulent. Good people have the good sense to oppose the easily identified GOP depredations. Not so Obamaism. These same people taht opposed the lawlessness of Bush cheer the exact same kinds of policies and actions of the Obama administration. Subverted we have been. By extension we've all become sociopaths. Through Obama the people who tend to control the world, rightist imperialist scum, have succeeded in imposing their warped world view and twisted values on everyone else.
That's cause all those religions (Mormonism included) are forms of Satanism, something that appeals to sociopaths.
You're a Mormon lawyer? Translation: Satanic Exploiter. Hell has a very warm spot with your name on it.
I think you are a little too harsh on sociopaths. Not all of us pull publicity stunts to get attention, in fact, most of us would prefer to fly under the radar.
You're not a sociopath, you just wish you were. Which is so so sad.
Agree wholeheartedly and thanks for hitting this head on. I gotta say tho, your painting millenials as 'narcissists' is out of line. Thats like me saying boomers are 'greedy'. Baseless. Millenials, btw, (my generation) are also the most LGBT friendly by far, the least racist, less likely to believe in hierarchies or siloes, less likely to believe in the protestant work ethic (which may fuel sociopathic behavior), less likely to rank ourselves based on what we own, less likely to drive a car and more favorable to walking, biking and mass transit, and less likely to be in love with the mcmansion, wasteful suburban lifestyle. Agreed with everything else, but you are dead wrong about millenials. I am very glad that we will be taking over soon, b/c we seem to have learned a lot from the mistakes or status-obsessed culture of our parents.
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