Saturday, December 12, 2009

Rubber Ducky You're the One or Bathtub Punditry on Tiger Woods and His Affairs with White Women

We are truly a society too sick to survive.

I may have desires to be an Internet celebrity. But to my credit, I have never cut a promo or commentary while in the bathtub. Why? Primarily, baths are disgusting and foul ventures. One sits in their own filth and is expected to somehow emerge cleansed. Yuck! the time for denial is over, baths are just nasty. As a corollary, I would rank the "romantic" bath with one's lover as only slightly more objectionable and disappointing than the hot lovemaking in the shower fantasy that so many of my lady friends have harbored--someone always ends up cold and I will be damned if it is going to be me. Given my hedonistic ways, if I would/have/will continue to reject sexing it up in the shower or bathtub--even with Sarita Choudhury, Bai Ling, Rihanna, or Rosario Dawson (although I would certainly watch these water nymphs bathe while reading poetry to them while perched on the commode as a precursor to an epic lovemaking session)--imagine how I feel about issuing edicts on the public happenings of the day while in the bathroom. Such deeds are simply uncivilized.

Some questions:

1. Is dude serious? Or is he an exhibitionist?

2. What's next? Blogging and podcasting while dropping a deuce?

3. Why is he from my adopted hometown of Chicago? Why?

4. Where is the shame Lord? Has shame simply left our society as a positive and moderating influence on human behavior?

5. Random geeky question: How would Jurgen Habermas or Walter Lippman analyze the above exercise in expanding the public sphere and communicative democracy?


RiPPa said...

Chauncey, tell the truth. This is you in the video, right?

macon d said...

So the black man in Tiger needs women more than the Asian man in him does? Well well well! (Among the reasons that I've heard for acknowledging the significance of Tiger's blackness, that's probably the very worst.)

As for your excellent q's, I'm just going to assume they're rhetorical.

Btw, have you seen the unedited version? "Hey cut the camera, gotta stir up these suds again!"

Pandora Bunny said...

The man just wants attention, notice he lists his name three times in the credits. The bathtub certainly gives it to him.

But, would you be so troubled if it were an attractive woman doing the talking? One of your water nymphs perhaps.

chaunceydevega said...

@Rippa--I am sexier and smarter...and more lurid.

@Macon--it is very quotable though. And those were real questions.

@Pandora--if it were one of my nymphs I would be in the water with them.


Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

Well, everybody needs a gimmick, and Bathtub Philosopher found his. If only he were cuter - something I think every time I see those slobs in the cold relief pill ads snoring unshaven in bed.

I did like what he said though about Tiger and Lincoln Park.

Unknown said...

Just further testament to the 'Loss of Shame' that our society is facing