Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Enter Our Halloween Giveaway Contest: Do Any of You Want to Eat Our Brains?

Candyman loves him some white chocolate. How could he possibly resist?

Oh the joys of Halloween. As a child did your mom make you an elaborate Halloween costume that consisted of a bed sheet and some talcum powder? Did you cry when your vinyl and plastic Darth Vader "constume" was torn getting in and out of mom's Plymouth Grand Fury? Were you permanently scarred by the rubber band that affixed the Scooby Doo mask to your nubile, preteen head? Am I the only one who thought he would asphyxiate from wearing some god awful, poorly ventilated, overpriced mask while dancing at the local spot on Halloween night?

In an effort to find solace and peace, we respectable negroes are rectifying the injustices that are our collective Halloween traumas by offering you a chance to painlessly win some free graphic novels courtesy of First Aid Comics. The prizes you ask? The winner will receive the first two trade paperbacks of my personal favorite, the ongoing comic series The Walking Dead. The runner up will win a copy of Marvel Zombies 3. Good deal, no?

The contest? Since we respectable negroes are democratic by nature and have served as the miner's canary, one that both endlessly renews and thanklessly sits watch over American democracy, you folks have 2 options.

Option One--Name the greatest zombie hunter living or dead, fictional or real. Be creative: tell us who would be the zombie ass kicker you would call when it all goes down and why. For example, I would pick Omar from The Wire. Why? I reason that Omar is such a killing machine (and dude is so gully) that he was quite literally a living nightmare for the cornerboys and dealers on the block. For my man Omar, dealing with a few undead would be a comparatively easy task.

Option Two--Tell us what is the most frightening movie--intentional or otherwise--that you have ever seen and why. For example, I would pick Roots as the scariest movie this negro has (never) seen in many many years. As a runner-up, I would pick the upcoming Tyler Perry, Oprah Winfrey mammyesque cosponsored crapfest ghettounderclass spectacular Precious. Frankly, that trailer sends shivers up and down my spine unlike anything that I have seen in a long time...

Is it safe to come out yet? Goodness, that abomination is a monster straight out of the Moynihan Report and the darkest ids of William Julius Wilson and Marten Gilens.

Have fun. We will announce the winners of our Halloween contest some time next week.


dick shemp said...

Well, my first thought was "Dick Cheney."
Cold, efficient, free from such human burdens as empathy and conscience. The man is a relentless killing machine. He eats, sleeps, and makes little Dick Cheneys. He shot an elderly man in the face, for God's sake. Imagine this man running loose in the Zombie Apocalypse.
HOWEVER, there's an excellent chance he would stab me and leave me as zombie bait while he made a hasty getaway, the prick, so forget him.
My real pick? The Wu-Tang Clan, mostly because I'd like to go for a cool Zombie Apocalypse "Seven Samurai" vibe.

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

I agree, the upcoming movie Precious looks like a horror story to me too. The ones based on reality where the stuff could really happen are always the scariest.

The last one for me was a long time ago, Misery. I read Stephen King's book first and later saw the movie. Both were good, b/c it's something that could really happen (probably King's worst fear).

Francis Holland said...

The scariest movie I ever watched was "The Exorcist". I know it was scary because my siblings and friends were hiding their faces behind the seats in front of us during much of the movie.

I just laughed uproariously, with the entire theatre hearing me.

Later, I learned that it's not an asset in life to find humor about the things that other people find shocking and deplorable.

If I had a clip from the Exorcist right now, I'd love to see that little girl barf a river on the priest again, while yelling "F-ME! F-ME"

HAHAHA Some things don't change, even thirty years later.

Unknown said...

This one is a cakewalk. The first and all time greatest zombie hunter is Ben from Night of The Living Dead. Duane Jones walked into the casting of NoTLD and scored the role inspired Romero to rewrite the script for him, added nuanced racial tension to the film that Romero is still getting credit for and became the first black male lead in a horror film. honestly one of the first heroic black leads of the time.

What are few zombies to a dude that not only helped invent idea of a badass zombie hunter let alone one that did all that while writing cinematic history.