Friday, April 10, 2009

Gordon Gartrelle Offers Odds on the New Beyonce Movie "Obsessed."

I have to hand it to the makers of "Obsessed," the upcoming movie in which Beyonce plays a wife whose husband is stalked by a white coworker with whom he flirted. The creators of this movie certainly have their fingers on the pulse of black women’s anxieties…circa 1992.

What I learned from this trailer: black men cannot be trusted; the white woman is the black man’s kryptonite; white women are scheming and crazy.

I want to offer some odds on whether certain things will happen in this movie.

Odds that the phrase “strong black woman” appears in the movie: 50 to 1

Odds that Beyonce calls the white woman “bitch”: 5 to 4

Odds that Beyonce calls the white woman “white bitch”: 1000 to 1 (they don’t want to make this too overtly racial).

Odds that the black husband actually ends up sleeping with the white coworker: 15 to 1

Odds that Beyonce’s best friend (probably black) will tell her to drop her man: 35 to 1

Odds that one of the black characters says something like “I’m a successful exec; I’ve fought hard to make it”: 3 to 1

Odds that Beyonce has to offer the obligatory “this isn’t about race; it’s about respect” speech in an attempt to absolve the creators of charges of stoking the flames of racial hatred: 7 to 5

Odds that Beyonce says “don’t mess with my man” before she ends up killing or knocking out the white woman: 3 to 2

Odds that the police won’t do anything because the woman is white, blonde and attractive: 2 to 1

Odds that the sequel will be about a DL brotha stalking her man: 10 to 1

Odds that “Obsessed” will be any good: 200,000 to 1

Anybody else want to offer some odds?


Anonymous said...

As a strong successful black woman..:-) I have to admit that I agree with everything you just said!

I look at the previews and just shake my head cause I know its gonna be predictable and no good. I love Idris Elba, but I am gonna have to wait for this movie to hit cable.

chaunceydevega said...

How about that race isn't even mentioned at all in the movie?

And I am getting increasing tired of all these dark chocolate brothers taking all the leading man roles! when are light skinned brothers gonna have some time to shine?

chauncey d

The Good Reverend Dr. said...

What are the odds of Beyonce's wig being snatched off by the white girl during the inevitable catfight?

Jeannette said...

Good Reverend Dr.. you ain't right.. but I would pay at least 5 dollars to see that.. I really want Beyonce to go somewhere, sit down and ponder her life as a Virgo..

It makes me super tired to see black women and white women always fighting over black men..there are so many other interesting and creative story lines to come up with.. but this one is just.. stank, old and unnecessary...I wonder how much thought actors put into the roles they accept, or is it really all about money and a little shine..

MilesEllison said...

This was a better movie when it was Fatal Attraction. Idris Elba is an excellent actor, as The Wire showed, but this is at least the second really bad theatrical release he's been in. First Prom Night, now this. Do people even care about making watchable movies anymore?

Anonymous said...

I have to disagree with you! this story line isn't old at all.

I've never seen a film made in hollywood when the white and black girl are fighting over a black guy.

I've never seen a film where black men are the star of a movie and has a white girl chasing after them.

this movie isn't making it seem like white women are crazy your just thinking too much.

too many movies in Hollywood where the beautiful white girls are the hero and black women are their crazy best friend in the background.

it's time for holly to stop making it seem like other women of other races aren't good enough to be lead p.s

d said...

and she does say "white bitch" doesn't she? Racist movie bad, bad racist movie, shame on you racist movie, shame (he said in an overly dramatic voice).