Wednesday, October 1, 2008

69 Is The Loneliest Of Numbers: The Final Count For Our How Many Ways to Say "White" Without Saying White Competition

Our contest is officially closed...unless you come up with some more gems. It was epic. It was amazing. And frankly, how can you top 69 ways to say "White" without saying white? Now, I had another clip to post but I didn't want to get a lecture from Zora if I put it up. The above video will have suffice. So--insert drum roll--the final count is:

1. Values voter
2. Heartland
3. Mainstream voter
4. Hard-working Americans
5. Lunch pail voters
6. Soccer moms
7. Walmart Moms
8. Nascar Dads
9. Blue collar
10. Regular Americans
11. Real Americans
12. The Base
13. Culture War voters
15. Palin's Army
16. Joe Six Pack
17. Joe Lunch Pail
18. Hockey Mom/Hockey moms
19. American Workers
20. Work Force
21. Regular Folks
22. Ma and Pa Kettle
23. My (or your) neighbors
24. Average American Voter
25. Rural Voters
26. Non-elitists
27. My accountant
28. Small Town Voters
29. The Woman Vote
30. Middle America
31. Americans
32. American People
33. Good hard-working people
34. Working Class voter
35. The Nascar Vote
36. Midwestern Voters
37. Suburban Voters
38. White Collar Voters
39. Main Street
40. Wall Street
41. New Englanders
42. Southerners
43. All-American Girls/Boys/All-American
44. The latte voters
45. Dogwalking voters
46. The Recycling bloc
47. Folks in the heartland
48. Decent, hard-working people
49. Christians
50. God-fearing Americans
51. The people who want to have a beer with the sort of candidate who might like to have a beer with them
52. Reagan Democrats
53. One of us
54. Undecideds
55. Scrappy
56. Bubba Voters
57. Gun enthusiasts
58. People who are just worried about paying the bills on time
59. Voters in fly-over states
60. Scranton Voters
61. Kitchen table voters
62. Independents
63. Evangelical Voters
64. Pro-lifers
65. My friends
66. Honest Workers
67. Ordinary people
68. Responsible Americans
69. Security Moms

"Lakefront liberals" and "swing state voters" were certainly in the running, but for reasons of poetic license it seemed oh so appropriate to end the contest at the number 69. What phrase or name on our list do you think is the most creative so that we can give out our inaugural prize?


Glennis said...

Most creative? "The Recycling Bloc."

Most depressingly cliche? "Values voters, Middle America, Ordinary people."

Summer G said...

and nothing says "WHITE" like "Citizens of Kennebunkport" fa'sho!

great post. this is my first time here so I'll start lurking, if you dont mind.



Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

Fantastic list, Chauncy, and oh-so-apt and offensive to non-white Americans. I think #48 "Decent, hard-working people", is the one that makes me choke the most.

Matt Lundy said...

Quarterback. Unathletic big man/swingman. Winter Olympics medallist. Larry Bird.

Son of Adam عليه السلام‎ said...

Genius. I just love how reality can be so humoring at times. My most animate reaction was from the "decent, hard-working people" line. Best pic, handsdown (don't believe me, look at your hands now!)

Anonymous said...

This post is one of the most creative that I have seen on the net.

I like #1 most of all, cuz you know the rest of us folk don't have no dern values

Ms. Shai said...

Wow, what a list. I would suggest you add 'family man' or any term with the word 'Dad' in it, because as we all know..ahem, ahem.

Anonymous said...

That's amazing. I think during election
Time I heard almost every single one of
those expressions uttered on Fox News
on a loop. You see, I watch Fox b/c
I think their outright mental manipulation
is easier to see through and thereby
get the real news. The other channels
are trickier b/c they pretend to not
be what Fox so prouldy is.

Anyway, I think you called it. I'd like$
To submit for approval, "green voters"
And "the law and order vote"
God Bless,

Anonymous said...

I actually pity whites. The mental illness is so far ingrained, they have no hope of redemption.