Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Introducing Our Nominee for Barack Obama's Vice Presidential Running Mate

As speculation grows about who Obama will select as his vice presidential running mate, and with the announcement imminent, we respectable negroes have been hypothesizing and strategizing as to who would make an ideal candidate for the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee.

In brainstorming through Obama's options one should keep in the mind the following guidelines: A vice presidential candidate should strengthen the ticket by appealing to a constituency which the presidential candidate is weak with; broaden his geographic appeal; offer personality traits or expertise which the presidential candidate lacks; unify and strengthen the party apparatus and its factions; or bring a certain excitement, intangible or celebrity appeal to the ticket. In considering all of these factors we have come to a clear choice...

We are Respectable Negroes enthusiastically endorse accomplished actor, musician, and humanitarian, Corky of Life Goes On fame as the perfect VP for Barack Obama.

Corky's strengths as a candidate are many:

1. He is honest and sincere;
2. In his comments that he doesn't like black people and that he is afraid of them, Corky speaks for America's racial id, and therefore protects Obama from charges of "playing the race card;"
3. He is a white male;
4. He is anti-establishment;
5. Corky is not a Washington insider;
6. His simple cadence, binary thinking, and straightforward analysis of problems and their solutions will appeal to the Red state and conservative base who are attracted to Bush's "truthiness," war against "evil doers," and McCain's sloganistic posturing.

We were originally going to nominate Corky as a write in candidate in Ta-Nehisi Coates' great, "Who Will Speak for White People" competition at the Atlantic Monthly, but it dawned on us that Corky's greatness need not be limited to mere figurehead status. Without reservation or qualification, Corky is simply the best choice for Vice President of the United States of America.

Obama and Corky 2008--A Special Kind of Ticket!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is a joke, right? Great blog, but I can't stomach this.