Friday, March 14, 2008

Chauncey's World of Ghetto Nerds: Damn it! Star Wars is Sexy!!

from The Best of Craigslist:

Original URL:

Dear Star Wars ex-boyfriend, my vag is sore
Reply to:
Date: 2008-01-25, 3:56AM

Dear Star Wars obsessed ex-boyfriend,
A few things as of late have come to light. The fact that you had an entire room dedicated to Star Wars should have been enough to make any sane girl run in the opposite direction, I somehow found it endearing...Your sexual inadequacies should have made me run to seek orgasm from another penis, instead I quietly masturbated in the bathroom after your pathetic attempts at coitus. When you told me that you slept with someone else, I must admit that I was mildly relieved as at last this was my way out. But Star Wars obsessed ex- boyfriend, you just had to go and one-up yourself in stupidity. Just when I thought that your stupidity had reached its crescendo a perfect symphony of ignorance, you surprised me. You said something that will forever go down as the worst phrase to ever utter to a girlfriend. You said: “Yeah I slept with someone else, but I had to think about you to get off.” Seriously? Really? Am I supposed to be honored by this? ...Well, Star Wars obsessed ex-boyfriend, let me tell you this. I won. First off, I am not going to let you ruin Star Wars for me. I will still giggle with delight at Chewbacca’s noises. I will still find humor in Jabba’s fat face. More importantly, I won because I used my inner rage to go out and fuck the ever living shit out of someone else...And you know what Star Wars obsessed ex-boyfriend? I fucked this guy on real sheets. Sheets that didn’t have R2D2 and C3P0 and Tie fighters. Big boy sheets. When I arched my back and looked up I didn’t see any Sith infiltrators on the ceiling. No Death Star. For the first time in a long time I got off without feeling like I should be on “To Catch a Predator” because you, Star Wars obsessed ex-boyfriend, made me feel dirty for fucking in what looked like a little kid’s room...

* Location: not Alderaan
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

I get riled up whenever someone disparages Star Wars as simply being the exclusive province of loser, unromantic, male virgins whom still live at mom and dad's house. Frankly, it isn't fair and it ignores the sexiness that is the Force. I should know, because I have used the Star Wars lounge music album as mood music for one of my epic love fact it is right between my Teddy P and R. Kelly in the booty music rotation. I have also made love to a woman while wearing my Jedi Knight costume. And trust me, that was mighty sexy.

Let's take the sexy back fellow Star Wars fans. Brother Lando are you with me?

You are so cool I may just have me a Colt 45:

Stars Wars fans and ghetto nerds we are gonna take sexy back in the '08.

May the Force be with you, always.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

straight up man, remake star wars as a image of sexiness, make us all proud