Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Niggaro Universe Proclaims: Barack O'Bama-Visionary, Leader, Cut from the Cloth of Ronald Reagan, a Hero, and Future Leader of These United States

****Because of the hole in the space time continuum created by the Large Hadron Collider, the Niggaro Universe has overwritten the universe of We Are Respectable Negroes. Scientists are diligently working to correct this problem, and it should be rectified in the next few days. For now, because of the influence of this alternate reality things are changed. Our Barack Obama is now "Barack O'Bama," a white Republican, Sarah Palin is a black Democrat, Joe Biden is Joe Biden but just a Republican, and John McCain is a maverick, Democratic populist. Zora, Gordon, and Chauncey have been replaced by their doppelgangers from the Niggaro Universe. They are the same, yet different. If you too have been changed by the disruption of the space time continuum do not feel obligated to resist. Instead, indulge your new self until this Crisis on Negro Earths is remedied****

I am disgusted by the attacks on our candidate by the Democratic Party. They say he mocks them, that he is a sexist, that he smears Sarah Palin as being a pig with lipstick. They are afraid of his potential I tell you. They are afraid of his patriotism. They are afraid of what they believe is an impossible dream come to life. O'Bama cannot exist in their America. But I tell you, in our America, in the America of Republicans, there are thousands, millions, tens of millions of little O'Bamas, boys and girls, waiting, yearning, preparing to change America--spurred on by Barack's example, and in their own time ready to make history.

I sit here teary eyed as I think about Barack O'Bama. He is a visionary. He is a true leader. He is experienced. He is ready to lead. America is at a cross roads and fate has blessed us with an amazing leader. While the Democrats would tell you that he is not ready to lead, that he does not have the experience to lead, that he is embroiled in petty local politics, tarred by his associations with "real" Americans, we patriotic, God fearing, heartland, lunch pail voters know differently.

O'Bama is our story. What person doesn't see Ronald Reagan when they hear his voice? Who can't be proud at his amazingly American story? Visualizing this young man in that most American of States, Hawaii, surfing and swimming, embodying even as a child, the wonderful and amazing diversity of peoples, creeds, and places that these United States have to offer.

Barack's life is an American story. He is the product of immigrants who rose from humble beginnings to find success. Barack never complained, never cried foul, never apologized for his life circumstances. Raised by a single mother, reaching out to mentors wherever he could find them, and a God fearing man, he found his way to Harvard University--that most esteemed and elite of institutions. From there, he graduated as president of the Harvard Law Review and went onward to win positions as a representative for the state of Illinois on both the state and national levels. America is amazing. Don't listen to those America haters, those tired "liberals" in the media, those who no longer believe in the hopeful possibilities of America's greatness. Ask them: where else could a man of such humble beginnings find his way to the White House? In what other country could a man raised with the values of the heartland: hard work, distinguished service, educational excellence, and loyalty to family find himself at such a young, age, only 3 months away from the being President of the most powerful country in the world?

Family matters to Republicans. Family matters to Walmart moms, those Americans struggling to do the right thing even when it is easier to do the wrong thing. Family matters to those small town Americans who comprise the beating heart and soul of this country. Family matters to those blue collar Americans who pay their taxes on time, volunteer in their churches, and contribute to their communities through volunteer service.

Family matters to Barack O'Bama. Community matters to Barack O'Bama. When it was easier to go to Wall Street or to a big investment firm, our nominee said, "No!" Instead he went to work as a volunteer in Chicago. When it was easier to run off and make millions in the private sector our nominee said, "No!" Instead, he entered into that most selfless of professions and became an educator. When it was easier to take the public's money as he ran for president our candidate said, "No!" Instead, he said I can stand on my own. This is your, our, America's Barack O'Bama.

Some would say that this story of uplift, of self-help, of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, the Barack story is a lie, a fantasy, something that we Republicans cling to in our nostalgia. What the Democrats don't understand is how this story is true, it is reality, it lives in every small town, in every entrepreneur, in every child and grandparent of immigrants, in every ancestor of those who arrived on the Mayflower, and in the soul of every child whose parents hail from Latin America, China, or Korea. America works because its citizens believe that it works. America is embodied in men and women like Barack O'bama.

And I won't lie, America is embodied in wonderful and supportive partners and spouses like Michelle Obama, an amazing woman, mother, friend, and I will admit it, because we all need a wall upon which to lean, that rock upon which Obama rests his tired and weary shoulders after he has come home exhausted and tired because he has fought for you, the American people. And how can you not love those beautiful, poised, and charming children? America, Barack is our America. Barack is our family. Barack is you. Barack is me.

Some say America's best years are behind us. Some say we are an imperial country, and Lord I hate that idea because what empire has given the people of the world so much? Has given so much to so many?

No, no, no, no! We are a giving people. We are a righteous people. Barack O'bama, a future world leader, a man that publics around the world are supporting, are rallying to, is the next, greatest, hope, for peace and prosperity. Think about it my fellow Republicans, Barack isn't even elected and the world has anointed him its leader. It is only in this party, a party of great individuals, where men and women rise because of their ability and not because of patronage, where excellence is cultivated, and we are beyond the petty identity politics which would allow a fraud, a hollow hope such as that Sarah Palin to be considered for vice president, that a man like Barack O'Bama could be nominated for president.

Barack, like Reagan, just as he stood before those wonderful Ivory white, Romanesque columns, that magisterial display that was our convention, will anoint a new era. America, following the leadership of this considered, confident, accomplished, and amazingly intelligent young man, will bring young and old together, healing the wounds of petty division, and crossing the divides of party to usher in a new American century. We, us, America, will once again be a beacon shining on the hill for all peoples starved of freedom, for all people who yearn for change, and for all Americans ready to walk forward into another century of American greatness.

Barack O'Bama you are our child of destiny. Barack O'Bama we are indeed lucky to have you as our future president.

The Niggaro Universe Proclaims: All Your Base Are Belong to Us!

I Think I Know What is Going on--The Niggaro Universe is Flooding Into Our Own

The last broadcast on the news said something about multiverse theory. These are the moments where I am thankful that I am such a geek.

Apparently, theoretical physicists have long known that there are all these universes overlapping one another. This isn't really a new idea, we just could never prove it.

Normally, you can't see or interact with these multiple universes except for those vague shadows you sometimes see--you know those shadow people--out of the corner of your eye or for the random sense of de ja vu we all sometimes get. We know something is there but we can't process it...and it can't hurt us. Now, the Hadron Collider has torn open a hole between our universe and another one. The scientists are turning off the Hadron Collider. And they are also using some type of heavy proton beam to accelerate their closing of the rift. But, the catch is that it won't close for a few days at least.

Damn, I hope we can all stay calm long enough for reality to come back to normal.

It seems that the effects are not consistent across the Earth. They seem to be related to our proximity to the Hadron Collider. In Europe things are totally crazy with knights and such running around downtown London. Vikings have apparently been sighted in the North Atlantic. In the U.S., the effects are more random and sporadic for now. But, the authorities are saying the entire world will be impacted by the "Hadron Wave" in a few hours. Let's just hold our breath and try to get through this together.

From what I can figure out from the signals we have received from the different tv stations in the reality that is overlapping ours (that reality knows something is up as well, their Earth is called "Niggaro" and they are as freaked out by this as we are), things are similar but also different. We all exist, but we may change somehow, or be influenced by our peers in the parallel universe. The rules as I have figured out are that most things are the same, so if we stay cool we should be fine. I am concerned because one of the scientists on the EBS said that the Niggaro universe has more dark matter so it may actually overwrite our reality for a time until things equalize and return to normal.

I am deeply disturbed by what I have discovered so far:

1. Obama is a white Republican named O'Bama;
2. Palin is a black woman who is a Democrat;
3. Biden is still the same, but instead is a Republican;
4. McCain is a maverick, populist Democrat.

This is going to be a wild ride...may God have mercy on us all.

The We Are Respectable Negroes News Network Brings You the Following Emergency Announcement

The We Are Respectable Negroes News Network has been asked to make the following announcement.


This is not a test. We repeat this is not a test. This morning the Large Hadron collider in Switzerland was activated for the first time. This machine, which is designed to recreate the effects of the Big Bang, has created a chain reaction that is altering the relationship between space and time.

Scientists from around the world are working on correcting this problem. We advise all citizens, especially those in large cities, to remain in their homes or places of work. The federal government in conjunction with your local authorities are deploying police and National Guardsmen to maintain public order. Again, the Hadron Collider is causing citizens to hear voices, to see objects and people which are not there, and to experience a general sense of confusion and panic. Again, we urge all citizens to remain calm, to stay in their homes, and to follow any and all directions given to them by local, state, and federal authorities.

Your government is here for you and is diligently working to correct this problem. President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney have been relocated to secure command centers where they are monitoring the day's developments. The presidential and vice presidential nominees have also been secreted away to secure locations.

More news will be broadcast as it becomes available. Again, you are all urged to remain calm as the world's best scientists are diligently working to correct this problem.

The World is coming Undone, What Type of Madness is this????

Something is really really wrong.

I urge all of you to put on your televisions and radios. I don't know what is really happening, but it is bizarre beyond belief. Luckily, the internet is still working...thank God that is the way the Department of Defense designed it. On television, there are all these images overlapping with the pictures already there. On CNN and Fox, the news is alternating between stuff that makes sense, and information which is totally non-nonsensical. Someone called my landline--thank God I still have one because the cell phones are down--and they were asking how I was doing, but I have no idea who they are, but they seemed to know a great deal about me.

This may sound crazy, but it was almost like I was doing acid again (I wasn't a good boy in college) and I saw all these strange things on the television. I am not kidding! On the news someone was doing a story where Obama was white and a Republican! Then they showed a picture of Sarah Palin and she was a black Democrat! And McCain was a Democrat too! Our reality is coming apart at the seams or something, it is almost like that comic book series Crisis on Infinite Earths with all the different Earth realities collapsing together. Or maybe the first Matrix when Neo wakes up from his dream. Hell, the world is going down the toilet and I am thinking of a comic book and the Matrix Movies. I must be really losing it...

Chauncey DeVega says: The Large Hadron Collider Passes First Test--I Don't Buy It Because Something Seems Wrong Here

The powers that be are saying the Large Hadron Collider worked fine. But I don't believe them.

There is something heavy in the air. It almost smells of ozone. The television and radio are picking up different signals...lots of interference, and signals overlapping one another. I am a bit freaked out. It's surreal, really surreal. This is getting real weird, like something out of a science fiction or Stephen King novel.

Here is the propaganda they are circulating:

Massive particle collider passes first key tests

By ALEXANDER G. HIGGINS, Associated Press Writer

GENEVA - The world's largest particle collider passed its first major tests by firing two beams of protons in opposite directions around a 17-mile (27-kilometer) underground ring Wednesday in what scientists hope is the next great step to understanding the makeup of the universe. After a series of trial runs, two white dots flashed on a computer screen at 10:26 a.m. (0826 GMT) indicating that the protons had traveled clockwise along the full length of the 4 billion Swiss franc (US$3.8 billion) Large Hadron Collider — described as the biggest physics experiment in history.

"There it is," project leader Lyn Evans said when the beam completed its lap.

Champagne corks popped in labs as far away as Chicago, where contributing and competing scientists watched the proceedings by satellite.

Five hours later, scientists successfully fired a beam counterclockwise.

Physicists around the world now have much greater power to smash the components of atoms together in attempts to learn about their structure.

"Well done, everybody," said Robert Aymar, director-general of the European Organization for Nuclear Research, to cheers from the assembled scientists in the collider's control room at the Swiss-French border.

The organization, known by its French acronym CERN, began firing the protons — a type of subatomic particle — around the tunnel in stages less than an hour earlier, with the first beam injection at 9:35 a.m. (0735 GMT).

Eventually two beams will be fired at the same time in opposite directions with the aim of recreating conditions a split second after the big bang, which scientists theorize was the massive explosion that created the universe.

"My first thought was relief," said Evans, who has been working on the project since its inception in 1984. "This is a machine of enormous complexity. Things can go wrong at any time. But this morning has been a great start..."

the lies continue here.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Chauncey DeVega's World of Ghetto Nerds: Rejoice! The Large Hadron Collider will be Activated Today

Ghetto nerds rejoice because history will be made later today when the Large Hadron Collider is activated on the Franco-Swiss border. This amazing device will recreate the beginnings of the universe at the time of the Big Bang and allow scientists to create particles, and observe phenomena, that to this point, have only been the stuff of imagination. I love theoretical physics. I will say it again, I love theoretical physics. Now, there are some Luddites who believe that the world is going to end, that we will unleash energies which will destroy the Earth, or that our world will be swallowed up by a black hole. This is all rubbish, come tomorrow we will be smarter as a species as we take a few more baby steps forward in our knowledge of the natural world. I may not be religious, but I am very spiritual. It is in these moments that my faith is renewed because science does in fact help us to understand the mind of God.

Here is a little more theoretical physics goodness as my boy Mr. Michio Kaku explains multiple universes and parallel dimensions:

To Hell With You: Sarah Palin's Religious Views

We are all damned to hell! Voters, conservative and liberal alike, should be really alarmed about Sarah Palin’s religious background.

Sarah Palin is a conservative, Christian fundamentalist who believes in a supposed “literal translation” of the Bible. This is fine, except that she also believes that it is completely appropriate for her religious views to shape her political actions. “Among other things, she encouraged a group of young church leaders to pray that ‘God’s will’ be done in bringing about the construction of a big pipeline in the state. She also suggested her work as governor would be hampered ‘if the people of Alaska’s heart isn’t right with God’.” Let's remember, too, her position on teaching Creationism in public schools.

Sarah Palin’s former pastor and current adviser, Pastor Kalnins, has preached that “critics of President Bush will be banished to hell; questioned whether people who voted for Sen. John Kerry in 2004 would be accepted to heaven; charged that the 9/11 terrorist attacks and war in Iraq were part of a war ‘contending for your faith;’ and said that Jesus ‘operated from that position of war mode’:"

What you see in a terrorist -- that's called the invisible enemy. There has always been an invisible enemy. What you see in Iraq, basically, is a manifestation of what's going on in this unseen world called the spirit world. ... We need to think like Jesus thinks. We are in a time and a season of war, and we need to think like that. We need to develop that instinct. We need to develop as believers the instinct that we are at war, and that war is contending for your faith. ... Jesus called us to die. You're worried about getting hurt? He's called us to die. Listen, you know we can't even follow him unless you are willing to give up your life. ... I believe that Jesus himself operated from that position of war mode. Everyone say "war mode." Now you say, wait a minute Ed, he's like the good shepherd, he's loving all the time and he's kind all the time. Oh yes he is -- but I also believe that he had a part of his thoughts that knew that he was in a war.

Pastor Kalnins has preached against gays, Catholics and the state of Israel. He also teaches that
to defy President Bush is like defying your pastor and that defying your pastor is a sin. JFK was questioned as a Catholic about his allegiance to the "papacy." When will Palin face questions about her allegiance to a fundamentalist pastor who is little more than a bizarro version of bin Laden?

Are you scared yet? If not, let's read a bit of fundamentalist literature as offered by Jack Chick, the author and publisher of Chick Tracts and the Crusader comics.

Theme: Evolution

Crusaders Comic Volume 6

Frank Connelly is the producer of a television series based on evolution...but his meeting with the Crusaders and their friend, Dr. Lind, will change his opinion on what he's producing.

Dr. Lind spends time with the producer discussing various "facts" of evolution.

With proof presented to him, Frank Connelly is convinced evolution is not the truth.

This comic proves that the "science" of evolution can only be labeled as misleading theory. Many are being brainwashed in the schools and through the media into believing the Bible is false and that evolution is a scientific fact. Now it's time they are told the truth!

Theme: God and the War in Iraq

...Did you note the appreciation for diversity and intellectualism?

The double-standards of Republicans never cease to amaze me. They are rallying around Palin, rebuffing even the tiniest bit of scrutiny. With Barack Obama, they dug up every bit of information they could find about his religious background -- and it was all fair play. Not only was Obama expected to distance himself from the musings of Rev. Wright, he was expected to denounce them. Conservative voters used Obama’s affiliation with the Trinity United Church of Christ to say that he was suspect and biased, that he “just can’t be trusted.” Palin’s association with the Wasilla Assembly of God, however, should raise even larger concerns – for gays, for Catholics, for Jews, for scientists, for non-theocrats ...

Condoleeza Rice Waits with Bated Breath as KFC'S Secret Recipe is Put in Transit

And millions of "the folk" wait in ambush. Are the descendants of the Colonel's slaves who came up with his secret recipe ever going to get reparations?

From the AP:

KFC shoring up security for secret recipe

LOUISVILLE, Ky. - Pssst. The secret's out at KFC. Well, sort of. Colonel Harland Sanders' handwritten recipe of 11 herbs and spices was to be removed Tuesday from safekeeping at KFC's corporate offices for the first time in decades. The temporary relocation is allowing KFC to revamp security around a yellowing sheet of paper that contains one of the country's most famous corporate secrets.

The brand's top executive admitted his nerves were aflutter despite the tight security he lined up for the operation.

"I don't want to be the president who loses the recipe," KFC President Roger Eaton said. "Imagine how terrifying that would be."

The story continues here.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Looky Looky Here! It Seems We Respectable Negroes Have Won A Black Weblog Award!

Our hard work has paid off it seems. We respectable negroes have won the judges' prize for Best Blog Post or Blog Post Series for our, "What if? White in America – The Never to be Made Television Documentary” story. Thank you, thank you, thank you. For those of you who didn't catch our version of the CNN "expose" on Black America the first time around we have reposted it below.

What if? White in America--The Never to be Made Television Documentary

The fallout continues from CNN's Black in America news special. In my conversations with friends and colleagues, there is a recurring question: What would a White version of Black in America look like? A hypothetical question, yes, but one that is still interesting and useful to work through. In the spirit of Black in America, we present to you our pitch for the never to be produced, television news special, White in America.

Segment 1
White Teenagers: Out of Control and at Risk

At a time when young people should be comfortably protected by their parents while also moving forward with their lives into adulthood, white teenagers are exhibiting self-destructive behaviors which threaten to undermine the fabric of white communities. White teens and young adults are most likely to binge drink, smoke, and at the college age, to have multiple sexual partners. STI's such as chlamydia, syphilis, genital herpes, and HPV are increasingly common among college age white women. As seen in the recent pregnancy cult in Gloucester, Massachusetts where at least 17 white teenage girls endeavored to become pregnant at one time, white teenagers are exhibiting sexual behaviors that border on the pathological--in the above case having unprotected sex with strangers, including random homeless men, in order to become pregnant. The casual nature with which white teens approach sex and sexuality is mirrored through the "new" dating conventions of "hooking up" where normal, suburban, white teens--young people from healthy homes--have multiple casual and short-term sexual relationships. Contributing to this crisis, is how the sexualization of young white women through beauty pageants, popular music and film, and the beauty industry, an early sexualization which is reinforced through peer pressure, has created a minefield for young white women where many ultimately have to struggle with mental health issues such as anorexia, bulimia and body dysmorphic condition.

How can we help young white people? How have white parents let things get so bad? Where are white young people learning these lessons? What can responsible, white parents do?

Segment 2
A Plague Upon the Land: White Men, Workplace Violence, School Shootings, Hate Crimes, and Dead Wives

White men have long struggled with a culture of violence. While the culture of violence which afflicts white men has been moderated over time, American society is still struggling with this pathological behavior. White men have long held a near monopoly on being serial killers (the BTK killer, Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer, and domestic terrorists (e.g. the KKK, Timothy McVeigh, and the UnaBomber) but the violence seems to be shifting its focus to schools and the workplace.

During the last decade or so, from Columbine, to Northern Illinois University, to Springfield, Oregon, to a high school in Minnesota, young white men have killed dozens of people, and wounded many more in murderous rampages. Workplace violence has also seen a marked increase where it has risen several orders of magnitude during the past few decades. This has been attributed by some critics to a tumultuous economy and the pressures felt by white workers:

Other critics would point to a dangerous populism brought about by the vitriol laced, "angry white male" narratives which underlie right-wing talk radio and television. Most recently, the shotgun wielding attack on a Unitarian church by Jim David Adkisson--the assailant blamed "liberals" for all of his problems--and his penchant for right wing propaganda, would seem to support this hypothesis.

Family members are often the first victims of violence. White women and children have been imperiled by the violence of white men. Daily, it seems that there are reports of white women and/or children being kidnapped or murdered (we label this the "Peterson" syndrome), often by their spouses.

These cases of white men engaging in murderous behavior are not confined to the United States, because in Finland, a high school age boy went on a murder-shooting spree at his local school. Most notably, in Austria, Josef Fritzl was arrested after imprisoning his children in an underground bunker where he ritually abused them, and in a shocking twist, impregnated his own daughter.

Is white male violence a global crisis? What can be done to stop this open season on white women and white children? What is fueling this culture of violence? Who is to blame?

Segment 3
School is No Longer a Place for Just the ABC's: Female Teachers Are Preying Upon Their Male Students

Teachers have a sacred trust. They prepare the next generation for life and are tasked with broadening their minds and intellect. However, this sacred trust has been betrayed in High Schools and Middle Schools across the United States. In dozens of known cases, the actual count is suspected of being much higher, white female teachers are having sex with their male students. As noted here, out of the dozens and dozens of reported incidents, and with rare exceptions, most of these teacher rapists are white women in their 30s and 40s. Beyond mere experimentation or moments of weakness, these sexually exploitative relationships develop and continue over long periods of time, and subsequently do irreparable psychological harm to the young male victims they involve. In some cases, the relationships involve group sex with multiple boys, or develop into "love relationships" where the teacher steals away to a foreign country in order to continue the illicit and illegal relationship.

Why are white women pursuing teenage boys? Is this criminal behavior a result of a culture which focuses too much on the sexual desirability of young women? Are older white women feeling neglected and left out? Is this recent fetishizing of white women in their 30s, 40s, and 50s--the Sex and the City phenomenon--to blame? Are white women feeling an unhealthy pressure to become either a MILF or a Cougar?

What can schools do to protect young boys from these predators? What are the warning signs that your son is being abused by a female teacher?

Segment 4
What are White Women to do? White Men, Down-low Culture, Cruising, Sex Cults, and to Catch a Predator

White men are indulging in sexually high risk and deviant behavior. While a cottage industry has been generated by the hysteria surrounding black men on "the down low," white men and white women have also been struggling with issues of sex, intimacy, and trust. In such high profile cases as the polygamist cult raid in El Dorado, Texas where 534 children were removed because their safety was at risk, to the lesser known bestiality and zoophilia cases in Oregon (where a man died from having sex with a horse), many white males have been exhibiting pathological sexual behavior.

Not confined to the masses, white male sexual deviancy is particularly jarring and disconcerting when one examines the behavior of white male elites. In a litany of high profile cases, white politicians (Larry Craig and many others), religious figures, and businessmen have confessed to living double-lives where they maintain relationships with men and women, and often involve prostitutes. Most troubling, many of these men, such as Ted Haggard are extremely homophobic and have made careers and fortunes based upon their outspoken crusades against gay people. These white men on the DL have committed a double breach of trust with their hypocrisy: they have betrayed the public as well as their families. White men on the DL are also pursuing high-risk sex in locations such as public rest rooms and internet chat rooms. As the television show, To Catch a Predator has repeatedly revealed, white men on the DL, a definition which we expand to include those men who seek out under-age boys and girls, are willing to risk their health and livelihood, and that of their partners:

These internet predators also include pillars of the community such as doctors, teachers, and religious leaders:

What can white women do? How can they know if their partner is on the down low? What are the health risks? If you find out your husband is cruising for sex in public bathrooms or on the internet how should you intervene? Should you stay in the relationship or should you go?

Segment 5
No End in Sight: The Methamphetamine Plague that is Destroying White Communities

Methamphetamine is destroying the fabric of Red State America. This easy to obtain, highly addictive drug is tearing apart families and communities. An estimated 1.4 million people suffer from this addiction, almost all of them white, suburban and/or rural. In fact, meth is no longer confined to rural America, its reach is expanding to include every part of the United States. The rural culture of drugs is so pervasive that not even Amish communities are immune from its grasp. No longer will the suburbs offer protection from the perils of this dangerous drug, as it has already has, or will shortly be, making inroads into what were once safe, white, suburban communities. Just as some parts of the United States were almost destroyed by the crack epidemic of the 1980s, entire communities in the South and Midwest are been torn asunder by this cheap and easily obtained drug.

How should you protect your family? What are the signs your child is on meth? What should the government do? Should drugs be legalized and regulated? If you live in a meth infested area what are you doing to protect your children and family? What is your day to day life like? How do you struggle through it?

Chauncey DeVega's World of Ghetto Nerds: Woodward's 60 Minutes Interview and Our "Secret" Military Capabilities

Bob Woodward, the noted journalist who has been instrumental in exposing the questionable judgment of the Bush administration in regards to 9-11, Iraq, and the War on Terror was interviewed Sunday on 60 Minutes.

Woodward is an amazingly thorough and insightful researcher: for The War Within he compiled 150 interviews with senior officials, administration officials, and contacts within the military. While much of the attention his book and the interview will receive will undoubtedly be focused on Bush's decision making, how "the surge" succeeded, our spying on the Iraqi prime minister, and the administration's suppression of information regarding how badly the U.S. was losing the war in Iraq, there is a buried gem of information in the 60 Minutes interview with Woodward. Apparently, the United States military has developed a new technology which is so revolutionary that it will change how wars are fought. Here is the relevant excerpt from the piece:

But beyond all of that, Woodward reports, for the first time, that there is a secret behind the success of the surge: a sophisticated and lethal special operations program.

"This is very sensitive and very top secret, but there are secret operational capabilities that have been developed by the military to locate, target, and kill leaders of al Qaeda in Iraq, insurgent leaders, renegade militia leaders. That is one of the true breakthroughs," Woodward told Pelley.

"But what are we talking about here? It's some kind of surveillance? Some kind of targeted way of taking out just the people that you're looking for? The leadership of the enemy?" Pelley asked.

"I'd love to go through the details, but I'm not going to," Woodward replied.

The details, Woodward says, would compromise the program.

"For a reporter, you don’t allow much," Pelley remarked.

"Well no, it’s with reluctance. From what I know about it, it's one of those things that go back to any war, World War I, World War II, the role of the tank, and the airplane. And it is the stuff of which military novels are written," Woodward said.

"Do you mean to say that this special capability is such an advance in military technique and technology that it reminds you of the advent of the tank and the airplane?" Pelley asked.

"Yeah," Woodward said. "If you were an al Qaeda leader or part of the insurgency in Iraq, or one of these renegade militias, and you knew about what they were able to do, you'd get your ass outta town."

Here are my thoughts on what this secret weapon could be:

1. Practical Invisibility. There have long been rumors of the United States possessing an ability to make camouflage which bends light in order to conceal the user. In fact, there have been public demonstrations of this technology which have demonstrated its viability and practicality. Could the U.S. military actually have this ability? Are U.S. special operators running around in Iraq a la Predator style and targeting Al-Qaeda and other bad guys?

2. Miniature Robots and/or Nanites. There has been research done by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration (in conjunction with private laboratories and universities like MIT) to develop extremely small (small as in the size of atomic particles) machines which are so tiny that they could potentially enter the human body through a hole the size of a pore. Adding further fuel to the speculation is DARPA's track record of success: the Internet; modern video game and computer technology; miniaturized electronics; microchips; etc.). Simply put, DARPA has helped to created the Information Revolution and much of the technology we use on a day to day basis. Could it be that DARPA has actually deployed nanites which are keyed to target certain individuals (perhaps based on their pheromones or other genetic markers?). Or has the U.S. military developed thinking robots? Small hunter-killers like those in the movie Screamers?

3. Remote Viewing. During the Cold War the United States and Soviets attempted to develop "psychic warriors." These individuals were trained to use paranormal and ESP techniques to locate and identify people, locations, and other targets of interest anywhere in the world. The United States ostensibly discontinued its research into remote viewing sometime in the mid 1990s, while the Russians are rumored to have continued with their own experiments. Has the CIA perfected remote viewing as a viable intelligence gathering technique? Are there teams of remote viewers in a dark recessed room at the National Security Agency visualizing the locations of terrorists and insurgents, and then directing American assets to destroy these targets?

4. Directed Energy Weapons. In other words: lasers, plasma beam weapons, or some combination thereof. Lasers have existed for decades. However, their large size has made them prohibitive as weapons (even the smallest lasers would have to be mounted on a large truck or large airliner). Given that the military has access to technology which is decades ahead of civilian technology, and generally much farther ahead of what is publicly admitted to--for example, the Stealth fighter was in service in the late 1970s before the Air Force publicly debuted it in the late 1980s. Has the U.S. military deployed these weapons in Iraq? Or are they space borne, on satellites in low orbit where they wait for an appropriate target which they will instantaneously incinerate or vaporize? Could the U.S., in combination with other assets, have deployed Special Forces teams with laser weapons, who then take the fight to the highest value targets in Iraq?

5. Smart Dust. An outgrowth of the technology used in nanites (or vica versa depending on how you look at it), this innovation consists of thousands of small sensors that can be sprayed over an area. These miniature devices can also be placed on clothing and other items. Smart dust, when activated, creates its own network which then broadcasts information to a central computer processing center. In short, imagine spreading thousands of granule sized particles in an area, particles which in turn attach themselves onto anyone in the vicinity. These people then spread the smart dust to anyone with whom they have contact. Ultimately, through smart dust you have the means to eavesdrop on an entire community. Yes, the more I think about it, the smart money is that the United States has used smart dust to monitor, identify, and target Al-Qaeda, unfriendly militia groups, and insurgents in Iraq. Frightening stuff isn't it? More so when one realizes that RFID's, the tags used by stores such as Walmart to track inventory, are cousins to Smart Dust technology...

What are your speculations (however serious or comedic) about what this weapon could be? And are you as nervous about what its capabilities are as I am? That as easily as it could be turned against the enemy of the moment, it could also be used against citizens at home?

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Chauncey DeVega says: Tom, Say it isn't So!!!--Tom Brady Out for Year with Knee Injury

I am a proud New England Patriots mark (I have written about them here, here, and here). And I am not a band wagon fan as I have followed my team through the highs and the lows. Hell, I even took a chitlin' challenge when the Pats played Indy last year (I made a bet with Gordon that I would eat those nasty pig guts if my peeps lost...luckily I didn't have to eat those poop filled entrails). Yes, my commitment to the team is that great.

Tom, we will miss you. And thank the maker you didn't do a Broadway Joe and have that knee taken out for good. Till next year my friend.

Respectable Negro allies and New England Patriots fans: who should be brought in to replaced Mr. Brady? Chris Simms? Daunte? Vinny T? Get 'ol Bledsoe back? Stay with Cassel?

Courtesy of a Reader's Suggestion: Black Republicans Showing Their True Colors at the Republican National Convention

The following is one of my "black people make me sad moments."

See Black Republicans speaking with Arianna Huffington here.

Did you know that there were black minstrels who would put on the cork and pretend to be white in order to work in vaudeville--sort of a double blackface of sorts:

Am I being unfair?

Saturday, September 6, 2008

McCain and Palin Caught with their Pants Down! Sin, Sex, and the Republican National Convention

From the We Are Respectable Negroes News Network (WARNNN):

Republicans are not properly disposing of their pornography and adult movies. At least that’s the message from the Citizens for Morality and Public Decency in St. Paul, Minnesota.

The citizens group claims they found 12,000 assorted pornographic items, including adult videos, magazines, sex toys, and other sex paraphernalia disposed of outside of the hotels and buildings used to host the Republican National Convention last Thursday.

Republican convention organizers denied that the pornography belonged to their attendees. They also denied rumors that these adult titles were distributed as either party favors or door prizes at the many semi-private events held by the respective state delegations. When pressed on these questions, a spokesperson for McCain replied that these items were placed around St. Paul to carry out a “cheap political stunt.”

McCain supporters said one of the largest caches of pornographic materials were discovered by a vendor at the Xcel Convention Center following the conclusion of the Republican National Convention. The vendor supposedly found trash bags full of adult DVD’s and magazines in and near garbage bins, and turned them over to the Citizens for Morality and Public Decency.

Today, members of Citizens for Morality and Public Decency were sorting through 84 bags of pornographic material in an effort to catalog it in order to ensure that it meets new federal regulations passed by the Bush administration which are designed to prevent underage actors from performing in adult titles.

Anonymously, several members of the community group have shared with WARNNN reporters that they are especially concerned that many of the movies are “very explicit.” Offering details, our contact in the Citizens for Morality and Public Decency shared a concern that, “…many of the titles feature older men and young women, I am no prude but some of the stuff is pretty hardcore. There also seems to be lots of military themed movies as well, stuff about marines and sailors tying each other up. I was really shocked frankly because the Republicans present such a wholesome face. I would never imagine that they would watch movies like this. Some of the stuff I didn’t even understand, I had to look it up on the internet…I never knew what a MILF was, but now I unfortunately do.”

Michael Smith, spokesman for the Republican National Convention Committee, released a statement saying that people should applaud the fact that thousands of pornographic items were recovered from the streets of St. Paul and are now safely away from where children may discover them. But, Smith has some concerns regarding the legality of the Citizens for Morality and Public Decency’s actions.

“They wrongfully took leftover bundles of property that supposedly belong to guests and attendees at the Republican Convention to play out a cheap political stunt which calls into question our morality. This action shows they have no credibility.”

Republicans have long faced charges of being hypocrites on issues of morality and ethics. McCain has faced attacks on his personal integrity since the beginning of the race from critics who point out his role in the Keating 5 scandal, his flip-flopping on abortion rights, and his marital infidelity. So severe have been these charges that McCain has set up a Web site specifically designed to fight such attacks.

Anticipating the rebuttal that these materials were placed around St. Paul by the Obama campaign, the Democrats released a statement Friday calling any assertions that they planted these X-rated and pornographic materials at the Republican convention site “hysterical.”

McCain said Friday that the Democrats and groups like the Citizens for Morality and Public Decency are trying to make the election a morality contest, and that “what they’re really saying is ‘we’re going to try to scare people about McCain. So we’re going to say that you know, ‘Maybe he’s a pervert or we’re going to say that, you know, he hangs out with strippers or that he has lust in his heart.’”

U.S. Code says the proper method for disposing of pornography is in fact burning, provided it is “no longer useable for its intended purpose.”

The Adult Video News, which produces a magazine and website dedicated to the adult film industry, says on its Web site that pornography and adult materials can also be put in the trash, when they are “worn, damaged or tattered beyond repair.”

Friday, September 5, 2008

This Respectable Negro's Feelings Have Been Hurt--Mr. McCain and the Republicans Once More Exclude Us Poor Negroes from the American Narrative

In this country, we believe everyone has something to contribute and deserves the opportunity to reach their God-given potential, from the boy whose descendants arrived on the Mayflower to the Latina daughter of migrant workers. We're all God's children, and we're all Americans...

John McCain, Acceptance Speech, RNC Convention, 2008

Mr. McCain has again made clear his party's ambivalence to Black folks (as though it was hidden). This is hardly a surprise given the Republican Party's half-hearted courtship of black voters, and the calculus that blacks are not a viable part of the Republican coalition. Granting this dynamic, that politics is chess not checkers (one of my favorite phrases...I like to remind folks whenever I use one of my ever brilliant turns of the English language), and furthermore that McCain is reaching out to Hispanics and Latinos--especially those nearly white Hispanics looking to be fully inducted into Whiteness--his nod to them is to be expected.

But, can't McCain throw Black Americans at least a little love as being a people who are central to the national narrative? I, like you, know the answer. McCain cannot include Black Americans as "Americans" in his halcyon infused imagining of America because our very inclusion would detract from the Republican's grand narrative this election cycle (and of many previous), that Black people are really alien, hostile, foreign, and outside of the American mainstream: especially if they are named Obama and Michelle.

Black Americans are a people without history it seems--out of time, not rooted in place. I guess we must simply accept that the African presence in the New World, as well as the black "American" presence in the Colonies prior to the founding are just inconvenient facts for this White conservative framing of American history (these are the moments where I really miss Brother Ivan Van Sertima). In their eyes we have no history. Ignorance is indeed a comfortable, well worn blanket isn't it?

I wonder, what would happen to McCain's and the Right's narrative if they included a little bit of their own hidden history(ies)? Would the White narrative be destroyed if those inconvenient facts of White history (that time before "White" people existed, when they were just Scots Irish, Irish, Brits, Slavs, French, etc., and not yet "White" people in mass) were included in their framework?

Or would the Right and Conservatives simply include this history as another way of claiming that slavery is something to be gotten over? Would they (re)assert their misreadings of history with their tired appeal to the White ethnic myth, this idea that the Irish and Italians "had it hard" but then prospered, so why can't Black people?

Some quick thoughts:

1. Looking at the Washington Post's piece on how the GOP has abandoned Black voters, how do black conservatives reconcile their loyalty to this party?

2. Thinking about black Republicans again, and especially of the ones at the convention, how did they feel? Were they scared to death by all those U.S.A. chants? As we respectable negroes have pointed out earlier, if you are Black and hear U.S.A. chanted (and you aren't at a sporting event) you best to get the hell out of there, cause a lynching is a coming. Or do they feel emboldened and excited? That they are included in this moment of patriotic zeal and excitement, that the Republicans in house are "color-blind?" {insert laughter here}

3. Or, do the black Republicans at the GOP convention feel special and privileged? Do they get extra attention? It seems they certainly focused on the same 10 people over and over again, but do they have groupies? Is there a special sticker that white conference attendees get if they slept with the token negro? Or maybe there is a contest where the winner gets a t-shirt that reads "I went to St. Paul and all I got was this lousy t-shirt...But I did have group sex with one of the black republican delegates while wearing a Sarah Palin thong and a John McCain mask!"

4. As
Field Negro mentioned earlier this week, what was the over/under on the number of non-white attendees at the convention? I would guess 50 in house and 10 shown on television. Your guess?

5. Related: did you see the older black delegate wearing the red shirt, suspenders, and (I believe) train conductors hat? Old man Moses/Uncle Ruckus's impassioned howls and screams could be heard ever so often over the orgiastic moans and clapping of the rest of the audience.

6. What other interesting people of color (excluding the really dark skinned Indian guy they kept showing, because as we know Indians are really Caucasian/Aryan) did you see on the convention broadcast?

7. No, I am not engaging in petty identity politics where I have some artificial barometer for Black authenticity. As readers of this blog know I/we are pretty pragmatic in our politics, but I have to go back to self-interest and the idea that a party should at least make an effort to include me in the big tent if I am going to offer them my allegiance. Re: black Republicans, and please don't do that party of Lincoln nonsense, why are you a Republican? How did you feel watching that convention? Are you a Republican because you are rich? If so, that makes sense and your honesty is refreshing. Or are you a Republican for some other reason?

8. But then again, when talking about black republicans I write "black" as "black" as opposed to the more correct and politically infused "Black." It is a cheap, yet subtle shot. And no, I won't apologize.

9. And don't think for a moment that I dislike Black Republicans:

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Chauncey DeVega Says: A Public Service Announcement for McCain-Palin Supporters

Let no person say that I lack love and concern for my fellow man. Here, I am speaking directly to the Republicans at the convention, to the soccer moms who haven fallen in love with Sarah Palin, to the ditto heads and Fox News watchers, and finally to any of you in "the heartland" who are intoxicated by the right wing populism on display at the Republican Convention. Republicamericans, I am issuing this warning so that you can take the necessary steps to end your addiction to the dangerous (and quite addictive) smorgasbord being cooked up this week by the presumptive Republican presidential and vice presidential nominees John McCain and Sarah Palin.

My Republican friends, I am concerned by the fact that while your belly may be full following your gorging at the Palin-McCain buffet, that your hearts (and minds) will remain empty. In the same way that I have implored others to moderate their intake of the Obama-aid, I also urge you all, for the sake of your collective health, and the long term well-being of your families to pull yourself away from the table, to look in the mirror, and to ask yourselves, "can't I do better? Is the Palin-McCain buffet hurting me or helping me?" Remember my friends, while in the moment you may be enjoying the gastronomical bliss of the right wing populist buffet at which you have seated yourself, that in the long term, you still have to confront a set of difficult and terrible truths couched in the form of two questions: Are you eating because you are unhappy? Are you unhappy because you are eating?

Heed the wisdom of brother Larry in the following video: does he not speak for your condition?

Remember his immortal words, "I love to eat. I wasn't looking at the after effects, the side effects, the repercussions, the side kicks...This is me and my world...I love my food, I appreciate my food. Once you eat everything goes away, all the headaches, all the pain, all my misery. I am not saying everything is gonna be alright, everything is gonna be alright, this is like home sweet home, another dimension, a twilight zone."

Familiar isn't it? Republicamerica, as you watch McCain's speech tonight please place brother Larry and the power of his example in the forefront of your hearts and minds. Hopefully, Brother Larry's example will help you work towards breaking your dangerous addiction to the McCain-Palin buffet of (hollow and false) right wing populism. If you can't break this addiction for yourselves, please break it for the sake of your children and families.

Sarah Palin: American Hero, Leader, and Visionary

In watching the Republican National Convention, I realized how great Sarah Palin is. Gordon and Zora are wrong, dead wrong on this one: Sarah is a great American. The audience in attendance at the RNC convention, with their energy and excitement have won this respectable negro over to the cause of this greatest and most wonderful of vice presidential candidates. Yes, there is a bit of nostalgia for Sarah Palin in this negro's heart. Yes, she reminds me of the great heroines of days gone by, women who are rare in an era of triumphant political correctness. You Sarah have won my heart because you are a living reminder of the way that women should be--standing by your man and having his back in a bar fight...or even a wrestling ring.

Enter: Sarah Palin, the GOP's very own Sally the Farmer's Daughter. Sarah, this old country negro is officially smitten by you.

Chauncey DeVega's World of Ghetto Nerds: A Formal Request for the Expulsion of Cowboy Troy from the Tribe of Black Folk

I have not argued for the discommendation of a Negro since Clarence Thomas's confirmation hearing for the Supreme Court. Unfortunately, events have come to pass which have once more forced my hand in this direction.

Because of his despicable actions during the 2008 Republican Convention, I hereby, according to the by-laws of the respectable negro council, submit country music singer/rapper Cowboy Troy for excommunication from the tribe of honorable negro warriors.

Per the following designated categories, Cowboy Troy through his actions has shed the last remnants of personal honor and therefore must suffer discommendation because of the following indicated offense:

___ Driving Miss Daisy

___ Bagger Vancing

___ Clarence Thomas Lap Dogging

___ O.J.'ing

___ Blatant Victomology a.k.a. the Jesse Jackson Offense

X Black Lap Dogging before a Conservative Audience

___ Consistent and Chronic Lack of Race Pride

___ Cooning and Lawn Jockeying a.k.a the Crime of Committing the Flava Flav

As a senior member of the We Are Respectable Negroes leadership council, I need the agreement of one other founding member, and the votes of 5 other members of the respectable negro tribe (or alternatively, 4 lifetime members and one white honorable ally) to complete Cowboy Troy's expulsion. If I have indicated the incorrect offense, or if Cowboy Troy should suffer discommendation because he has instead violated some other unstated and auxiliary regulation not listed above, please indicate this discrepancy according to our established rules and procedures.

Respectfully submitted,

Chauncey DeVega

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

An Angry Reader Responds: A Case for Sarah Palin

The following is a letter that was sent to us in response to our recent postings on Gov. Sarah Palin. It seems that we’ve stepped on a few important toes in her home country – yes, the state of Alaska is so out of touch with the rest of the United States that I have to refer to it as a foreign land.

The writer of the letter has made it her business to highlight Governor Palin’s hands-on experience as "an executive" in contrast to an “entitled” Barack Obama who is clearly a product of Affirmative Action and corrupt Chicago politics. Apparently, the writer of this letter was part of Senator McCain’s initial vetting committee.

Let no one say that we respectable negroes do not acknowledge the value of dissent. Read an excerpt for yourselves ….

Dear Negro,

… Governor Sarah Palin made history on Dec. 4, 2006, when she took office. As the 11th governor of Alaska, she is the first woman to hold the office. Since taking office, her top priorities have been resource development, education and workforce development, public health and safety, and transportation and infrastructure development.

Prior to her election as governor, Palin served two terms on the Wasilla City Council and two terms as the mayor/manager of Wasilla. During her tenure, she reduced property tax levels while increasing services and made Wasilla a business friendly environment, drawing in new industry.

Sarah Heath Palin arrived in Alaska with her family in 1964, when her parents came to teach school in Skagway. She received a bachelor of science degree in communications-journalism from the prestigious University of Idaho in 1987. Palin, who graduated from Wasilla High School in 1982 in the top 80% percentile of her class, has lived in Skagway, Eagle River and Wasilla.

She is married to Todd Palin, who is a lifelong Alaskan, a production operator on the North Slope and a four-time champion of the Iron Dog, the world's longest snowmachine race.

Todd and Sarah fish in Bristol Bay with their children – Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig. Through Todd’s Yup'ik grandmother, Alaska’s Native heritage plays an important role in their family. Indeed, as the great grand-children of a Native American princess, the Palin children have an intimate appreciation of our nation's diversity.

Palin is a lifetime member of the NRA and enjoys hunting, fishing, Alaska history, and all that Alaska's great outdoors has to offer.

I have taken the liberty of listing for you some examples of the complicated issues that Palin has faced as an elected representative. With her all-American background and her proven track record in overcoming challenges, Palin is clearly better equipped than Barack to guide our nation in these difficult times and to meet the needs of Americans.

The postings on your blog only serve to demonstrate the ignorance of your people. I hope that the information I offer will help you to see the value of a true American like Palin.


A Proud Alaska Republican

Energy Policy

On June 24, 2008, at 1000 hours, the owner of Performance Yamaha in Wasilla contacted Wasilla Police to report that several gallons of gasoline had been stolen over the past month. The value of the fuel stolen is approximately $1,350. Anyone with information regarding these thefts is asked to contact the Wasilla Police Department at 352-5401 or Mat-Su Crime Stoppers at 745-3333. The investigation continues.

On July 16, 2008, at 1026 hours, Wasilla Police responded to Performance Yamaha regarding a theft. The complainant, Josh Estes, age 26, of Wasilla, stated that unknown person(s) had stolen 60 gallons of gasoline during the weekend. The investigation continues.

On July 14, 2008, at 1339 hours, Wasilla Police responded to Rent-A-Center for a report of Criminal Mischief and a Theft. Employees reported that unknown person(s) had cut the fuel line on one of their delivery trucks and took approximately 26 gallons of fuel. The investigation continues.

Alcohol & Drug Policy

On July 9, 2008, at 1651 hours, Wasilla Police received a call from Fred Meyer Loss Prevention Agent, Gary Swett, reporting that he had a shoplifter in custody. Roger Harvey, age 21, of Palmer was placed under citizen's arrest for stealing $31 worth of merchandise from Fred Meyer. Harvey was also found to be in possession of illegal drugs. Harvey was transported to the Mat-Su Pretrial facility and remanded accordingly.

On July 12, 2008, at approximately 0225 hours, Wasilla Police conducted a traffic stop on a 1999 green Honda. A subsequent investigation found probable cause to believe that Aubrey Robison, age 19, of Wasilla, had consumed alcohol and was under 21 years of age. Robison was issued a summons to appear in court on the charge. Further investigation found probable cause to believe that James Woodin, age 20, of Wasilla was in possession of marijuana and he was issued a summons to appear in court on that charge.

On September 1, 2008, at 2217 hours, Wasilla Police responded to a report of a theft from the Brown Jug Liquor Store at the ShopRite Mall. The suspect, Pavel Pukharev, age 18, of Wasilla, was later located on Foothills Road near Cloverleaf. Pukharev had taken a 750 ml bottle of whiskey and was later identified and placed under citizen's arrest by one of the employees. As a result, Pukharev was transported to the Mat-Su Pretrial facility and remanded for Theft in the 4th degree. Pukharev is also being charged with Person Under 21 on Licensed Premise and Minor Possessing Alcohol.

Prescription Drug Benefits

On June 24, 2008, at 1549 hours, Susanne Banfield, age 37, of Wasilla, reported that on June 6th an unknown person had picked up her prescription pain medication from the Wal-Mart Pharmacy. The investigation continues.

On July 14, 2008, at 1953 hours, Lorie Lottier, age 36, of Wasilla, reported that on July 10th, someone had stolen her medication out of a vehicle while she was shopping at Wal-Mart. The investigation continues.


On July 5, 2008, at approximately 0650 hours, Wasilla Police responded to a car fire at a residence on Success. Upon their arrival, police met with the owner Kelly McManus who stated that someone had thrown a firecracker into the front seat of his 1987 Ford van causing a fire in the front seat. The Mat-Su Fire Department was called out to extinguish the fire. Damage is estimated at $1,200. The investigation continues.

Welfare Policy

On August 29, 2008, at 0436 hours, Wasilla Police were dispatched to a collision involving a vehicle and a moose at mile 2 of Knik Goose Bay Road. On arrival police found that James B. Clark, age 51, of Florida, first hit the moose with his rental truck and then Cass T. Wallis, age 43, of Wasilla, hit the moose with his vehicle. No humans were injured and all drivers were wearing seatbelts. The moose was salvaged by a charity.

On September 2, 2008, at approximately 0330 hours, Wasilla Police received a request to conduct a welfare check on a male who was in the middle of the road on the Parks Highway near Lucas Avenue and appeared to be intoxicated. A subsequent investigation led to the arrest of Jon Howard, age 47, of Palmer, for disorderly conduct for throwing a large rock at the police. Howard was transported to the Mat-Su Pretrial facility where Magistrate Wielkopolski set bail at $500 cash or corporate.

Housing and Urban Development

15.04.020 Limitations. Housing and urban development powers assumed at this time are limited to the development of a senior citizens housing project. (Prior code § 13.18.020)

Telecommunications and National Security

On June 24, 2008, at 2017 hours, Wasilla Police responded to Wendy's Restaurant for a report of a theft. While investigating the incident, officers were given a cell phone by witnesses to the theft that had been dropped by the suspect. Witnesses also identified two women and one man as the subjects involved. While officers were speaking with witnesses, one of the suspect women involved, later identified as Lisa Sheldon, age 32, of Wasilla, called the cell and thought she was talking to another of the suspects, but was actually talking to one of the officers. As a result, officers were able to make contact with Sheldon at a park and questioned her about the incident. Sheldon falsely identified herself as her sister and lied to the officers about the identity of the suspect. Once Sheldon's name was confirmed, officers were advised that she was currently wanted on a $2,000 failure to appear warrant. As a result, Sheldon was placed under arrest for the warrant, in addition to Hindering Prosecution in the 2nd degree and Providing False Information. Sheldon was remanded at the Mat-Su Pretrial facility and bail was set at $1,000 cash for each count. The male suspect is still at large and the case is currently under investigation.