Nigger is the ugliest word in the English language. In writing about the Republican Party's white supremacist fueled hatred towards Barack Obama, I had no choice but to tell the truth: the White Right views Obama as a "nigger" and it would be much more efficient if they were honest and simply said as much publicly.
Words have power. They also exact a cost. More than ten years ago, I vowed to never use that word unless I was quoting a piece of literature or said language was unavoidable. I now have to reinstate my vow and find my sobriety again.
Richard Pryor is the greatest American comedian of the modern era. His wisdom helped me to delete that word, and the ugly energy it channels, from my day-to-day vocabulary. I wish that others would do so as well. Instead, we see the common silly talk and intellectually flaccid distinctions where otherwise smart people argue trite foolishness that the word "nigger" is somehow different from "nigga".
Shorter version. The word "nigger" is an act of psychic violence and internalized white supremacy against and by black people, respectively.
Any found wisdom, personal codes of honor, or promises that you have made to yourself from which you have deviated and now need to renew?