Thursday, October 17, 2013

Is It All Over Our Face? The Republican Party's Shutdown of the United States Government was an Act of Public Political Masturbation

When I was in elementary school, students had to put their names on a sign-in sheet to use one of the two private bathrooms in our classroom.

This was a great step forward in our personal responsibility because 10, 11, and 12 year old children would now be held accountable for peeing on the toilet, not flushing, or otherwise making a mess. Some of us were smart enough to game the system and either not write their names down, put someone else's name on the sign-in sheet, or sneak off and do their business anonymously in the bathroom. Ultimately, most of my classmates were pretty well-behaved and neat--at least as far as elementary school kids in a bathroom directly unsupervised by adults are capable of being.

I will never forget when one of my classmates, a young boy about 12 or 11 years old, decided to use the bathroom as place to masturbate. Of course, as can only happen to young boys who are so excited about discovering onanistic delight and joy during the school day, he retired to his personal place of self-discovery and forgot to lock the door.

There were screams and laughter and chuckles as the next person to use the bathroom discovered him sitting on the floor, pleasuring himself, he filled with glee and self-restraint long abandoned. Interestingly, while obviously embarrassed by being found out, there was no sense of shame on his part. He would be caught surrendering to his masturbatory urges in that bathroom, other places on school grounds, and even the bus home throughout the remainder of the year.

He liked the attention; public masturbation is its own reward; the thrill is in being discovered and not caring about the consequences.

Moreover, masturbation is both the easiest and also one of the first tricks that young boys learn in life. It requires no skill. One can only get better at it over time.

The manufactured crisis that was the Republican Party's shutdown of the federal government to "prove a political point" was an exercise in political masturbation, one not unlike like the public spectacle put on by my former schoolmate.

While temporarily thwarted in their Ayn Randian Grover Norquist efforts to shutdown the government, and by doing so to cause the United States to default on its financial obligations, the Tea Party GOP still felt a rush from all of the attention garnered by their mayhem. Unfortunately, the Democratic Party, in surrendering to the Tea Party's hallucinatory ideology fueled spectacle, have taught those brigands and seditious political actors that there is a positive reward for their bad behavior.

In a few months, the Republican Party will engage in another episode of public political masturbation as they hold the American people hostage again when this short-term extension of the debt-ceiling limit expires. Another manufactured political crisis will ensue. The Republicans will again publicly masturbate and cum all over the American people--and without the courtesy of using a towel or cloth to contain their mess of fluids--they will smile, laugh, and be encouraged to make a mess again, again, and again and again.

The more they are condemned for their irresponsible and reckless behavior against the Common Good and long-term prosperity of the United States, the more the Republican Party is aroused and excited. They have mastered the pathetic magic trick that is public political masturbation.

As the classic Chicago house music song implies, yes indeed, "it is all over your face" America.

Republicans, and the Tea Party faithful especially, are now serial public political masturbators. Republicans are now very aroused and excited by a belief that they "won" the debt ceiling shutdown standoff.

Put on your boots and gloves folks. Thanks to the Republican Party, American democracy is now a peepshow or XXX movie theater circa 1970s Times Square in New York City.


Mac McComas said...

Just as with masturbation, think of all the great things that they could have been working on and getting done had this not happened.

Vic78 said...

That reminds me of Private Handjob from Fullmetal Jacket. "He masturbated 10 times a day."

It's up to our citizens to stop it. And the democrats are going to get more ruthless in their campaigning. Chris Christie's a moderate compared to the psychos. It's gotten that bad. So the GOP has to go down.

Shellbell123 said...

I love this Blog lol. That has to be the best comparison ever :)

DanF said...

At least it's a change from them expecting us to bend over and take it up the ass once more.

Learning is Eternal said...

In the "wordths" of Eugene Struthers/Mad TV (Keegan Michael Key). CDV, you just took this to A... Whole... Nuva... Level.

If any of y'all feel violated, disrespected, mentally sodomized even, by this post & not those in power who implement policy & law that BEEN "jackin'- off " on your people... It's time to prioritize. Your hate & anger are severely misguided.

Tabernacle (Bishop Don Magic Juan voice).

chauncey devega said...

Don't you blame masturbation for this mess! pardon the pun.

chauncey devega said...

Any chance to work a great house song into a post on Tea Party foolishness must be taken.

chauncey devega said...

Don't make go all Dan Savage on you. Ain't nothing long with the many forms of pleasure our wondrous bodies can produce. Now as in something non-consensual as we saw with the Tea Party GOP shutdown of the government then absolutely.

chauncey devega said...

Have you seen the good "bishop's" sermons on Youtube. Very sad.

Vic78 said...

You weren't hanging out with that classmate back then were you? I'm asking like you'll say "Yeah, he was a good dude. He just had to get his beat on a little more than the rest of us." As long a he was occupied he was okay. Don't let him get idle.

Learning is Eternal said...

I just watched one on public access TV. That... Ain't... Right. He had a 70's pimp interlude playing the entire "sermon," a "track" star delivering announcements & a hitman as the deacon. Coonery.

kokanee said...

Chauncey —Great post! "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down."

This was a f'ing great article by Henry A. Giroux tying together the Tea Party, the partial government shutdown and authoritarianism but it's more of a bitter pill to swallow:
The Ghost of Authoritarianism in the Age of the Shutdown

chicano2nd said...

You are right on when you observe "...the Tea Party GOP still felt a rush from all of the attention garnered by their mayhem. Unfortunately, the Democratic Party, in surrendering to the Tea Party's hallucinatory ideology fueled spectacle, have taught those brigands and seditious political actors that there is a positive reward for their bad behavior."
Effective responses and penalizing is necessary for addressing some criminal behaviors and unfornately, like sexually deviant behaviors defined as criminal, e.g. masturbating in public, Tbaggers and their deep seeded anti-everybody else pathology/behavior is likewise impossible to change.
The discussions should focus on calling their behavior what it is, sedition! Keep hammering away at their seditious behavior. They are on the public dole pretending to govern at the same time they are killing the vestiges of democracy for all of us that were gained mostly during the Warren Court! Its time to start the Revolution because that, history has shown, is the only recourse. And if they want secession let them gather together. That will work in favor of the U.S.
Prosecute the leadership now!

Larry Fleisher said...

i believe that a condom should be required when mental maturbation is practiced

DeistPaladin said...

John Boener needs to be sued in a class action suit for his reckless activity that deliberately damaged our economy. Any Republican who voted to shut down the government needs to also be named as a defendant in that lawsuit.

The lawsuit should allege that John Boener and the Tea Bagger* caucus knew or should have known the damage that his stunt would do to the economy and to people's lives. The lawsuit should further allege that John Boener had the opportunity to end the shutdown as there were enough moderate Republicans who would have voted for a clean funding bill. Finally, the lawsuit will allege that John Boener abused his power to grant himself unilateral filibuster ability in the House to prevent said clean bill from being voted on without his arbitrary say-so,

The lawsuit will seek damages for...
1. The estimate 24 billion dollars in damages to the economy.
2. Back pay for laid off federal workers which should not be paid by the tax payers, since work wasn't performed, but instead be paid by the politicians who pulled this reckless stunt.
3. Any additional interest charges America must now pay if our credit rating is downgraded.
4. Emotional distress, paid to each citizen in America for their terroristic threats to turn America into a 3rd world nation.

I am fucking serious. This needs to happen.

Let the party of "personal responsibility" take some of that responsibility for the mess they made.

Call your Senator or Representative.

* As an 18th-century-phile who has respect for the original Tea Party patriots who bare no resemblance to the posers and wannabe corporate tools of today, I refuse to call the modern tea-brained far-right wing of the Republican Party the "Tea Party". ...and I also like tea too, it's better than soda.

chauncey devega said...

During all of this I was wondering about the Tea Party GOP violating its own of office. Could there be hearings? And what about the Sergeant at Arms, could he or she have ordered them locked in the building until they act sensibly?

chauncey devega said...

If we were so lucky!

chauncey devega said...

It was seditious. Yet, they are the "patriots". Orwellian. No?

DeistPaladin said...

Oh very good point. I wonder what the oath of office is for a Representative? ***Googles said oath of office, House of Representatives***

“I, (name of Member), do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God” (5 U.S.C. §3331).

I suppose it depends on true faith and allegiance to the constitution and whether trying to turn the US into a 3rd world nation is consistent with that pledge.

Larry Fleisher said...

they can't even spell it