Sunday, May 27, 2012

Zombies are Real: Man Shot and Killed While Eating Face of His Victim on Side of Highway in Miami

Some "light" fare while you all enjoy the holiday weekend.

As a ghetto nerd, I am also an expert on zombies. This is one of our core competencies. I have a novel (and associated screenplay) I am writing about the rising of the dead. One of the basic plot details is that State authorities will try to hide the initial outbreak in plain sight. They will simply report the killing and eating of human beings by zombies as random acts of violence.

This subterfuge will work at first; but the outbreak spreads exponentially. Consequently, when 4 zombies create 16 more, and then 256, and so and so on, the obvious truth will be impossible to conceal. The police and military will be able to stop small scale outbreaks. I also do not foresee a Battle of Yonkers type engagement with hordes of the undead. The U.S. military is simply too expert at killing large numbers of people who gather out in the open--MLRS, cluster munitions, claymore mines, canister shot, gunships, artillery, and good old fashioned machine gun fire would devastate a large group of zombies. 

There are a few complications though: 1) the outbreak will spread so fast that it will be difficult for the military and police to mobilize effectively; 2) most American military power is forward deployed and not available for civil defense (think 9/11 on a far larger scale); 3) there would be civil uprisings and mass hysteria, making the zombies the least of the military's worries; 4) if containment can be achieved an area can be swept and cleared, however the battle space (if you can call it that) will be so kinetic and ill-defined that such control may not be possible. In short, I think we would be screwed. Alas.

I closely monitor these stories in the media, and over the years have compiled a long list of seemingly unrelated incidents of human cannibalism.

For example, this week it was reported that a man ate at least 12 people in the Yunnan province of China. In Miami yesterday, a naked man was shot and killed while eating the face of another person next to a busy highway. 

They are coming to you get you Barbra us. I would have my bug out bag prepped and ready folks. Here are some documents that may be of assistance. But, if you don't have access to a U.S. Army or Marine fireteam and their organic weaponry, the manual may be an entertaining distraction while the world goes to hell around you.

Here is the original story that was posted on the Miami Herald website. They have since changed it, adding details about "cocaine psychosis," and that the officer shot at the assailant at least 6 times before he finally dropped him.


MIAMI (CBSMiami) – Miami police shot and killed a man on the MacArthur Causeway Saturday afternoon, and police sources told CBS4 they had no choice: the naked man they shot was trying to chew the face off another naked man, and refused to obey police orders to stop his grisly meal.

The bizarre shooting happened shortly after 2 p.m., when police responded to a 911 call about two naked men fighting on a bike path along the Causeway, which was packed with traffic on a busy holiday weekend.

Miami police have not confirmed the details of what happened next, but sources close to the investigation told CBS4 News that officers found one man gnawing on the face of another, in what one police source called the most gruesome thing he’d ever seen.

The fight was taking place at the causeway exit near the Miami Herald building, and amazed officers tried to stop it, ordering the man making a meal out of the other man to stop.

Sources told CBS4 that the man refused to obey, and continued his attack. Investigators sharing limited details about the confrontation, saying only that the two men were fighting and the officers felt they had no choice but to take deadly force.

“During this confrontation an officer did discharge his weapon striking one of the individuals, said Det. Willie Moreno, spokesperson for Miami Police.

But the sources close to the investigation say that dry recitation of the facts apparently doesn’t go far enough. They said the man still would not give in to police commands, so officers fired again.

“That individual has lost his life right now,” Moreno said.

With the attacker dead, lying nude on the pavement, officers and paramedics were able to get to his victim and rush him to Jackson Memorial Hospital. Police sources say the man had virtually no face and was unrecognizable.

Police have shared no information about his identity or condition.

Once the bizarre confrontation came to an end, police were left with the task of figuring out what had happened. The investigation forced the closure of the causeway from Miami Beach to Miami, and also closed an exit to the causeway from I-95.

The investigation snarled traffic for hours and delayed thousands of motorists until ways could be found to get them off the causeway.

Police have had little official to say about the details, and have not released the name of the cannibalistic attacker.


sledge said...

"the officer shot at the assailant at least 6 times before he finally dropped him."

I thought that it was common knowledge that in order to take down a zombie it takes a head shot.

They had better keep track of the survivor. Odds are he is going to be craving the taste of flesh and he's going to be one scary looking dude without a face.

Still unanswered, why were they both naked? But then again, it was Miami wasn't it?

chaunceydevega said...

@Sledge. You are a former military man. What was your training regarding zombies?

C.Bid said...


Just wondering if you ever read 'Handling the Undead', John Ajvide Lindqvist's follow up to his incredible debut novel, 'Let the Right One In'? While I didn't like it as much as his take on a vampire set in the midst of the Swedish nanny-state housing projects circa early '80's in 'LTROI', 'Handling the Undead' was his unique take on a sudden occurrence of zombies in the same setting. If you haven't read it, it's interesting for his different approach, I guess. However, I highly recommend 'Let the Right One In', and I'm not much of a vampire fan... The original, Swedish film was excellent as well.


sledge said...

chaunceydevega said...

@Sledge. You are a former military man. What was your training regarding zombies?

As I recall it was don't take your eyes off of them, never let a zombie get behind you, and never allow yourself to be taken in by those will work for food signs they carry around.

It's also important to quickly determine which variant strain of the infection the zombie has as that will affect it's rate of movement.

If you're confronted with a "belly crawler" or a "walker" you can pretty much out maneuver them. "Speed Walkers" can be a little trickier and "runners" can flat out be a bitch. Especially if they are in a group.

I've got a feeling that some top secret military lab doing work for DARPA was most likely responsible for an accidental release of the infectious strains. Because to date the military has maintained a public policy to neither confirm or deny the existence of zombies or the undead.

But that's just my opinion.

coco shanelle said...

The Walking Dead......coming to a city near you!