Sunday, October 26, 2008

Zora Says: Kenyan Invokes Ancestral Spirits to Protect Obama

We're not sure if our readers have noticed, but the anxiety of respectable Negroes about the upcoming election has diminished. We've got an insider in the McCain-Palin camp who is engaged in spiritual warfare on behalf of Negroes around the world -- Bishop Thomas Muthee.

Bishop Thomas Muthee is a powerful Kenyan witch doctor who has been able to infiltrate Sarah Palin's inner circle, gaining her trust and confidence. It is little known that Bishop Muthee is actually a second cousin to Barack Obama. Obama's grandmother visited Muthee several years ago when she first became aware of her grandson's ambitions. Mama Obama gathered the elders and consulted the ancestors about Obama's fate. It was decided that Muthee would be the one to act on behalf of the tribe to protect both Obama and the well-being of Negroes everywhere.




"Bishop" Muthee began his work by calling his tribes people together to carry out an elaborate hoax on the local Pentecostal missionaries. Women began spreading rumors about a witch who was supposedly terrorizing the town's children. The missionaries were intrigued, but still skeptical. They were finally convinced when a young woman was brought before them. They were horrified at the sight of her dreadlocks, her red, black and gold headdress, and her gold nose ring. When she started quoting Charles Darwin, they immediately dropped to their knees and began to plead for the blood of Jesus to protect them. Their pleas were in vain.

The missionaries were helpless. It was at this point that Muthee stepped in to organize a massive prayer circle. Thousands gathered from his town and beyond to pray. In addition to their prayers, each individual contributed a "tithe." Less that twenty-four hours later, there was absolutely no sign of the witch in the entire Kenyan countryside. The missionaries were amazed and proclaimed Muthee a "spiritual warrior," singing his praises at Pentecostal revivals around the world. (Meanwhile, the young "witch" settled into her first year of study at Stanford Medical School secured by a generous scholarship from her townspeople).

Muthee was eventually invited to Alaska by Patrick Donelson, a former fishing guide and pastor to Sarah Palin. Donelson and Palin consulted Muthee about fighting the demons and witches that were trying to block Palin's path to political power. Muthee convinced Palin to take part in a ceremony that would supposedly cloak her with an impenetrable, spiritual armour.
In that ceremony, Muthee invoked the powers of his ancestors, Obama's ancestors, and the ancestors of Negroes around the world. He chanted centuries old Swahili invocations which Palin mistook for "speaking in tongues." As the ancestors began to awaken, the parishioners at Wasilla Assemblies of God that Sunday morning witnessed something they referred to as “awesome” and “very, very powerful.”

Muthee chanted and held his hand firmly to Palin's back, her spiritual core. The spirits of the ancestors were able to flow from Muthee into Palin. Palin began to quiver and found herself struggling to keep her balance. From time to time, the more powerful of the ancestral spirits would speak through her. Again, the Swahili chants were mistaken by everyone for "speaking in tongues." When the ancestors had solidly taken over Palin's spirit, Muthee released her and declared a "spiritual victory." Palin confidently returned to her pew.




From that pivotal morning forward, the ancestral spirits have been working through Palin in ways that even Muthee himself did not imagine. They have been able to "charm" nearly every anti-Negro, anti-Obama spirit that Palin comes in contact with. Each one she charms goes on to charm another. Where before they were able to hide their latent racism, these charmed individuals are finding it nearly impossible not to speak their true thoughts and feelings. Conservative leaders who previously counted themselves among the best and the brightest, find themselves deferring to an unknown woman who represents everything they purportedly disdain among the white trash voters they have been able to manipulate for years.

Palin is seemingly unaware of the powers that are working through her. The spirits have given her a high that she has never experienced before. When asked about her boundless energy and consistent cheer, she naively attributes them to regular exercise and prayer. Critics have accused Palin of not answering questions directly and not sticking to the topics in her debates. Palin, of course, dismisses the criticism; for she is completely unaware of what she is saying from one moment to the next. Remember that it is not Palin speaking, but rather the ancestral spirits who are working through her to undermine those who seek to block Obama's path. (Each time Palin winks inappropriately, however, I wonder if the real Palin is attempting to signal to her friends and family that something is awry).

So far, the power of the ancestors is working better than Mama Obama and Muthee had hoped. Respectable Negroes and their allies should all be encouraged by the force that has been shown thus far. We urge you, however, to not be mere witnesses to the awesome wonders of our ancestors. Seize the opportunity to channel your psychic energy to support the spiritual warriors fighting on our behalf. Each time a vote for Obama is cast, the warriors are further emboldened. The struggle continues.

6 comments:

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

im just not comfortable with calling some one a witch doctor - so european , maybe a spiritual medium or natural healer

MilesEllison said...

That certainly explains everything.

Zora said...

Hi Torrance,

I personally agree with your reservations, but my sources say that Muthee prefers to be referred to as a "witchdoctor." He thinks that it lends him more cache with western audiences.

Best,
Zora

Steve said...

I am crying tears of laughter and joy -- no small feat these days. Thank you Zora!

Batocchio said...

I was thinking of voting for Palin, but if Shaka is for Obama...

Well done!

belledame222 said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!

Suddenly, it all falls into place. (Of course, that place is far from this place, but...)