Sunday, September 28, 2008

Chauncey DeVega's World of Ghetto Nerds: All Hail John McCain's League of Democracies! Version 2.0-Now Including Super Mario, Pepe Le Pu and El Santo!

After some discussion, your helpful advice, and the timely intervention of the Department of Homeland Security--they vetoed Batroc's membership in the League of Democracies because of some security issues--we are inaugurating version 2.0 of the LOD. The new roster is as follows.

The League of Democracies Version 2.0

The United States: the newly resurrected Captain America would be our go to guy here . Cap, despite his concerns about the War on Terror, and how 9-11 changed America, is a loyal patriot. Captain America would also feel a sense of obligation and loyalty to John McCain. They likely served together at some point and have remained in touch. Captain America would also understand that with a legitimate superhero as leader, that he would be able to rally support from other A-List groups like the X-Men (or the other members of the Avengers) if the League encountered a threat that they were under-equipped to handle.

Canada: Sorry kids, there is no way Wolverine is coming to this party. Our friends to the north would send Sasquatch as their representative on the League of Democracy. Sasquatch's strength rivals that of the Hulk and you can never have too much muscle on a superhero team.

The United Kingdom: The Brits are our most stalwart allies. If there was one country that would send their best if the U.S.A. called on them, it would the Brits. Enter: Captain Britain. He is a legitimate superhero--impressive powers, a long history working with American superheroes, and a go to guy in case Cap were to be put on the shelf, Captain Britain is a great choice as number two for the LOD.

The Bahamas: Our island neighbors are excited to join the League of Democracy. As a former British colony, they too share a deep friendship with the United States. The Bahamas also see participation in the LOD as a way to be a bigger player on the world stage. Blink is a skillful niche player for the League of Democracies. Her powers include teleportation and the ability to redirect the powers of other mutants. Blink also has a great pedigree: she has worked with both the X-Men and the Brotherhood of Mutants. Blink brings experience and the always useful skill of teleportation to the LOD.

France: The French are quite embarrassed by the fact that their original selection for the League of Democracies was rejected by the United States government. In response, the French have upped the ante. The answer: Pepe Le Pu. Pepe is one of France's greatest heroes. His intelligence, humor, wisdom, seductive ways, and the ability to spray an enemy with a potent sulfur infused spray makes him a worthwhile addition to the LOD. Pepe, the League of Democracies will certainly embrace you as one of their most valued members.

Australia: The Aussies are always ready to join the United States in a military (mis)adventure. They bite at the chance to join the League of Democracies and send the Tasmanian Devil, one of their best superheroes. The Tasmanian Devil has enhanced strength, reflexes, senses, and speed. When necessary, the Tasmanian Devil is also able to quickly burrow into the ground to either avoid attack, or to wait in ambush for his enemies.

Japan: The Japanese are one of the most powerful countries in the world, but they are limited by their constitution from taking a more active role in military affairs. The Japanese self-defense force is extremely capable and is rapidly expanding its abilities to fill in for the inevitable decline of U.S. power in Asia. The Japanese, like the Aussies and Brits, are down with the U.S. and the League of Democracies, but they have to be careful about their involvement. The solution: Ultraman! This classic superhero has been in retirement awaiting a chance to return to his former glory. Ultraman "volunteers" for the League of Democracies as a "private" citizen. Ultraman's powers are still in great form. Ultraman's speed, weapons, experience, and most importantly, his ability to grow from a normal size human to one that is several stories tall in height are all potent aces in the hole that will be invaluable to the LOD.

India: As the world's largest democracy, India has a great deal at stake in the League of Democracies. India is a rising power that is increasing its influence around the world. India is still worried about Pakistan and China as regional rivals, but they are ready to assert more leadership in world affairs. As a gesture of support for America, India sends 2 members to join the LOD. The first member is none other than Sabu-the magic carpet riding, butt-kicking man for all seasons, the legendary genie and alien benefactor of the planet Earth.

The second is Shaktimaan. Together the Indian contribution to the team represents strength, speed, and power. The dynamic duo of Sabu and Skaktimaan bring a suprise and wow factor to the LOD that will confound their foes.

Mexico: The Mexican government was initially upset by not being a "first round draft pick" for the League of Democracies. After some negotiating, the U.S. government has extended a formal invitation to the government of Mexico for them to join the LOD. The Mexican government has accepted our invitation and will be sending El Santo and the Blue Demon, two of their greatest superheroes, to join the League of Democracies. These Mexican wrestlers have never met a foe which they are unable to defeat. El Santo and the Blue Demon's wrestling skills--their arm bars, flying knee drops, hurricaranas, planchas, and ranas will soften up the LOD's foes and leave them vulnerable to attack from the other superheroes. El Santo and the Blue Demon are excited about joining the League of Superheroes and are ready to do right by the people of Mexico. Viva la raza!!!

Italy: The Italian government has also decided to join the League of Democracies. As their representative on John McCain's superhero team, the Italians will be sending the legendary Super Mario! Yes, the man, the myth, and the legend will be joining the LOD. Mario's abilities include the superjump, superhuman speed, pyro-kinesis, gigantism, and relative immortality. Super Mario is a welcome addition to the LOD. The members of the Axis of Evil are already frightened by the tactical possibilities created by Mario's addition to the team and are panic struck by the announcement of his membership.

The League of Democracies is finally coming into form. Who else should be inducted? Who must the LOD have in order to become the lethal fighting force that John McCain has envisioned and prayed for?

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