Thursday, January 17, 2008

The End of a May-December Romance? A Drama in One Act

I am a bit of a voyeur. I like watching my neighbors, I have listened to my neighbors doing the deed, I eavesdrop on loud conversations, and I make no apologies for being an observer of the human condition--I am sort of like that old lady on the stoop of that show 227. I did some dissertation work, and something beckoned me to go out. It said, "tonight, you Chauncey, are gonna see something interesting." As Grandpa Munster said, "curiosity killed the cat, but intelligence brought him back," (click here for one of my favorite Granda Munster moments).

Last year (and Zora can vouch for this as I told her the story right after it happened), I was lucky enough to watch an old school player in action at one of the local spots I frequent. He was in his early 60's or late 50's and was on a "date" with a young lady in her last 20's or early thirties. I knew what was up, as did all the other men in the bar he was signifying to: Old School Player (OSP) had on a wedding ring, she was smitten by him, and OSP had "cultivated" her (I learned that phrase from American Pimp) . She, let's call her Young, Dumb, Desperate, and in Love (YDDL) couldn't resist. Love (lust?) was in the air, and OSP was making his move. We know how the night ended on that occasion--his hand had crept up her dress and she was smiling. YDDL was smiling, winked at the men in the room, and the two left together.

Fate has a sense of humor. Frankly, I don't know if this fits the theme of We are Respectable Negroes, but I don't believe that questions of respectability are exclusive from questions of why young women fall for old men, so please indulge me. For your visualization, OSP looked like a cross between the notable light skinned musician Cab Calloway:

and 1980s action superstar Kurt Russell from the classic movie Escape from New York:

Yes, OSP did have on leather pants. Yes, OSP had on a leather jacket. Yes, OSP did have his hair straightened (or maybe he just had good hair?) YDDL was cute--not great--but cute. She looked like a cross between Tiffany Pollard aka New York (did you see her sex tape--I watched the tape and remain undecided as if it is her or not) and Angela Bassett. Yes, she too was wearing leather (I think they met at the local black motorcycle bar):

As I said, I was there at the beginning of their tryst and I was there at the end (?) Here are the events as I can best recall them (all folks are in a medium high voice. YDDL is a bit histrionic. OSP is quiet and trying to calm her:

Young, Dumb, Desperate and in Love: I am done with you! No more kissing! No more touching..
Old School Player: Come on, calm down..
Young, Dumb, Desperate and in Love: Good pussy costs money!
Old School Player: I didn't promise you anything, it doesn't have to be like this, please calm down..
Young, Dumb, Desperate and in Love: I am gonna tell your wife. I left a good man for you.
Old School Player: (Inaudible)...
Young, Dumb, Desperate and in Love: I am gonna call my friend right now and leave a voice mail. I am gonna tell her that I don't love you anymore. I want everyone to know. Damn, I shouldn't have kept fuckin' with you. I am gonna tell your wife. I left a good man for you.
Old School Player: Baby, calm down...
Young, Dumb, Desperate and in Love: No more kissing, no more fucking. No! I don't want to share you.
Old School Player: Come on baby, please calm down...
Young, Dumb, Desperate and in Love: If you really loved me you wouldn't want to share me either! I hate you!
Old School Player: Come on baby...
Young, Dumb, Desperate and in Love: I hate you!

OSP and YDDL walk out together and presumably fight outside. YDDL comes back in, she sits down, collects herself and talks on the phone. She leaves 5 minutes later. What struck me was that OSP was calm the whole time. It was pretty clear OSP didn't care about losing his young mistress as he was more worried about being embarrassed by YDDL's behavior. It seems this sister, who was much more attractive and younger than our Old School Player, was really invested in old dude.

What do you all think? My smart money is on her returning to OSP and continuing on as the mistress. Plus, and this is up for debate, I believe that the more histrionic and upset a person is, the more invested they are in keeping that relationship alive. My money says they get back together this weekend. Your thoughts?


Invisible Woman said...


Zora said...

This is funny Chauncey ... OSP sounds like you twenty-five years from now!