White History Month: Five Indisputably White Movies

I know that White History Month has passed, and I wanted to get this one as a Friday Five, but I wasn't able to (please, no CP Time jokes).

1.) Birth of a Nation

Most white folks abhor the racist stereotypes and plot of D.W. Griffith’s “masterpiece.” What makes this a White movie isn’t the racism, it’s the selective detachment of its fans: the ability to set aside their disdain for the film’s reprehensible content while appreciating its stylistic appeal and praising Griffith’s technical prowess. It’s not even a matter of the aggrieved being black. Leni Riefenstahl, though frequently condemned a “Nazi hag,” receives similar praise for her Nazi propaganda film Triumph of the Will. Remember that the next time an old white critic is talking about the moral and stylistic bankruptcy of all rap music.

2.) Gone With the Wind

The softer side of Birth of a Nation. Confederate apologist melodrama. Filled with rank stereotypes about happy darkies. What more could you want?

3.) Rocky

The ultimate white male fantasy. Its moral is that white people’s hard work and grit can allow them to triumph over physically gifted, but undisciplined, flashy, loudmouthed black people. This is still played out in every major sport today. Peep the dominant narrative of the recent Floyd Mayweather/Ricky Hatton fight. Hoosiers also fits into this category.

4.) Forrest Gump

This one isn’t as obvious as Rocky. Forrest Gump, as some scholars have argued, struck a chord with so many, because its vision of History is America’s dominant vision of History. Forrest lumbers blindy through the past (his present), not as an agent, but as a passive screen upon which History plays out. “Segregation? Vietnam? Who me? I had no part in that.” And, to prove that he wasn’t racist, Forrest's best friend was a dim-witted black Bama, who predictably died in Forrest’s arms (side note: Dave Chappelle, who worked with Hanks in You’ve Got Mail, turned down the role of Bubba because it was offensive and stereotypical).

5.) Grease

Contains two of White people’s favorite things: 1950s nostalgia (no black people) and jazz hands.

Chauncey Devega says: White Hopes and White Dreams in Pennsylvania

Hillary's win in Pennsylvania was a disappointment but not a surprise. Today, pundits, analysts, academics, talking heads, and folks in the barbershop will be hypothesizing about why Obama failed to win Pennsylvania. Was it the after effects of the Obama-Wright affair? The comment that white working class people are "bitter"? A more effective use of machine politics by Hillary? The fall-out from the ABC debate/ambush of Obama?

I offer no clear answers. Accordingly, I must adhere to Occam's razor in my thoughts on Obama's defeat: when in doubt the simplest explanation is quite likely the correct one. The answer: a great many white people are not prepared to vote for a black man for president. Yes, issues matter. Yes, the candidates' personalities and the framing of the campaign impact vote choice. And no, I am not making a reductionist argument that the white bogeyman of racism caused Obama Pennsylvania.

What I am suggesting is that Obama's comment about the bitterness in these white communities, and this comment's reception by many in "Pennsytucky"--those semi-rural, rust belt working class white people--spoke to a different truth, and one not captured in the rush to explain away (or in some instances support) Obama's observation that religion, class alienation, and politics are knotted together.

This truth is found in memory, how people choose to imagine themselves and how they relate to their communities and nation. Obama, spoke to a truth in experience that he undoubtedly has felt as a black man traveling through Red States and the rust belt, a feeling that these white working class and poor people do not like him, do not trust him, and that there is a real racial animosity to be found towards people of color in these communities (for example: sundown towns, or as folks used to say, those towns where they won't sell you a house, rent you an apartment, where you better not stop to eat or use the toilet, and where you best be out of town by sundown). Likely, Obama, as an educated man, an activist, attorney, and student of history must have had moments where he asked himself, "the problems of poor white people and poor black and brown people are the same, but why can't we work together?" Be it the rust-belt or deindustrialized inner city communities, we are both suffering and hurting, where is the sense of shared fate?"

Ultimately, where is that sense of Bruce Springsteen and John Mellencamp populism, this feeling that we are all in this together?



Unfortunately, the white working class, and the white poor are not rubes, they have not been tricked or duped by an insincere Right-wing populism. Yes, many liberals and moderates desperately want to believe that false consciousness and political trickery explains this group's consistent choice of race over class. Yes, many activists are hopeful that if they can just reach out to these disenfranchised white people, and open their eyes to the "truth," then the Republican party's strangle hold on guns, god, and culture will be broken. Some more hopeful souls are emboldened by Obama's victories in predominantly white states in the rural West, an ironic fact of political life where it now appears that to the degree that there are fewer blacks in a State, then some white voters are more likely to support a black candidate (apparently, it seems that living in close proximity to those who are racially different actually breeds more distrust, and sense of competition, rather than less).

Returning once more to memory and choice. Many of those whites who felt alienated from Obama and drawn to Hillary, angered by Obama's assertion that they are bitter or unsophisticated, share a different collective memory--this is their country. Outsiders have taken their opportunities. And the State, the White State, owes them a particular debt and obligation. Moreover, and what is Obama's central miscalculation, is the degree to which the many whites in the rust belt (and elsewhere) actively choose race over class. It is a choice. It is a calculation. They know what they do.

As W.E.B. DuBois, great philosopher and observer of American life once observed, whiteness pays a psychological wage--and many white working class and blue collar voters are gambling that these wages of whiteness will continue to accrue to their children and to their tribe. Perhaps, these Reagan Democrats, the white working class, the blue collar, and the white poor have a deep intuition of how the forces of globalization have "robbed" them of certain opportunities. But simultaneously, on a visceral level, the part of their psyche which smiles at the memory of a Norman Rockwellesque America (this place that never really existed) trusts that the system will right itself. Somehow, in their hopes, and in their dreams, "we" can return to the good old days. That time when white people, people like them, were exclusively at the center of American public life:



And no, many of these white rust belt voters are not willing to support a black man for president. More pointedly, these white voters will not trust Obama to be a steward for their White hopes and dreams.

Friday Five: 5 (W)hite Inventions

Your choices are great, Chauncey, but they are all (w)hite inventions. I would like to highlight some (W)hite inventions:

1. Nuclear weapons
Those White people who believe that our “sacred Western Civilization” is under attack love nukes. Possessing nukes is a kind of White entry club--it’s shorthand for power and modernity. Any time a nation of swarthy, savage hordes has a disagreement, the “Nuke Said Country” t shirts and bumper stickers surface. Also, fear of brown and/or Muslim people (India, Pakistan, North Korea, Iraq, Iran) possessing nukes drives modern American foreign policy. Can you imagine what would happen if a predominantly black country tried to build a nuclear program?

2. War Crimes Tribunals
Nothing makes White people feel better than punishing evildoers. Whiteness allows them to define what people are designated as war criminals, and which acts are designated as war crimes. While there can be white victims of white criminals, and nonwhite victims of nonwhite criminals, never will White people be held accountable for war crimes committed against people of color.

3./4.White flight/Gentrification
What ingenuity White people have. Not only do White people get away from black people by fleeing from them, they get away from black people by fleeing toward them (and driving them out) as well.

But there’s one White invention that underlies the preceding ones and dwarfs all others:

5. White supremacy
White supremacy is the power to define what’s normal; the power to frame current debate; the power to forge history: the power to conveniently remember or forget; the power to make other people give public accounts to satiate White fears. White supremacy is elegant, self-perpetuating (and self-denying)--just a masterful work of social engineering. For my money, no form of ideological domination can fuck with White supremacy--not nobility/class, not gender, not even religion.

Instead of fighting White Supremacy, people who are neither black nor white, without fail aspire to Whiteness and by extension White Supremacy (and why wouldn’t they? The benefits are too great). Even if they aren’t accepted into the club of Whiteness; at least they aren’t black.

And, as many of us know, a whole lot of Black people accept White Supremacy too.

Chauncey DeVega says: White History Month Week 2--More Great White Inventions Revealed

We are now at the midpoint of White History Month. April has been a grand time. It seems that White History Month is making the days a little brighter, and the weather a bit warmer. All praise White History Month!

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Great White Inventions Week 2

Invention Number 1: The Salad Spinner

White folks are great pioneers of inventing time saving devices--the cotton gin, chattel slavery, Tivo, the millisecond, morbid obesity, and premature ejaculation. The salad spinner is a must have kitchen appliance that is brilliant in its simplicity: you insert the salad into the bowl and then spin away...can it be made any easier? We no longer need to spend precious time pouring salad dressing into a bowl and then shaking and tossing those heavy, leafy greens. It took the genius of our White brothers and sisters to make this must have invention a reality. Do yourself a favor and go to Walmart, or alternatively stay up late at night for the infomercial, and buy one of these wonderful White inventions.

Invention Number 2: The Swiffer Wet Mop

Have you ever wanted to push dirt around on the floor with a huge maxipad? If so, then the Swifter Wet Mop is the perfect invention. College students, graduate students, and other urban dwellers with linoleum floors collectively laid awake at night in prayer: oh God, where is my Swiffer? How can I give the appearance of having a clean floor when guests and relatives come calling? Our prayers were answered by this now indispensable cleaning device. Oh White God, what other cleaning devices do you have in store for us in the future? Perhaps a robotic vacuum?

Invention Number 3: Lysol Disinfectant Spray

I love Lysol. It is one of my White vices. The antiseptic smell reminds me of the hospital, and when its scent hits my nose I know I am in a clean house. Me and Gordon have an ongoing debate in regards to this product where I contend that black people prefer room deodorizer, and old black women are especially fond on any cleaning product you can put on the rug and then vacuum up, while White people prefer Lysol. Random fact: did you know that Lysol was originally marketed as a feminine hygiene product?

Your thoughts my respectable negro allies? Lysol or room deodorizer? And how do inscents fit in? I would argue that inscents are the Esperanto of room/air fresheners because every group enjoys the wonderful scents of Vanilla, Passion, Roses, or Sandalwood--Mexicans, Indians, Black, Asian, White...Am I wrong? Are inscents a means to bring peace to our fractured world?

Invention Number 4: The Penis Pump

No, I am not going to recycle tired stereotypes that black men have large penises, nope wouldn't do it, and it ain't true. Interestingly, while stereotypes are usually labels which people run from, I don't see too many brothers running from this stereotype at all, if anything it is one embraced and held close, even if it may not be true. To clarify, I am not asserting that White people are the only ones to spend time worrying about the size of their organs (and spending time reflecting on how to make their penises grow larger). For example, Arabs have a technique called jelqing--a method which many folks swear by (I didn't have the discipline to keep up with my regimen):


Jelqing Pt.1 - Full Version - Click here for funny video clips

Both The Kama Sutra and The Perfumed Garden describe a technique in which a man puts his flaccid penis through a flat piece of wood and then proceeds to rub bee or wasp stingers on the now engorged organ (I was too scared). Apparently, the chemicals in the stingers promote blood circulation and the growth of one's penis. The penis pump is a uniquely White invention because it combines White civilization's particular gift for technical innovation with a refined appreciation for laziness. If it is good enough for Austin Powers, it is good enough for me. Respectable negroes, join me in praise as I give thanks to White civilization for all the gifts it has bestowed upon us.

Invention Number 4: S/M and Kink

Black folk don't like to be tied up. Black folk don't find being tied up by their lovers at all sexy. Only White, black folk get off on S/M and kink. Moreover, there are no black people who enjoy role playing, this is especially true where said person of color is the "bottom" (black Americans cannot be "bottoms" because of the ever present fear of said Negro having a slavery flashback and killing the person dominating them).

This is truly a White invention because there are no black people that enjoy kink or S/M. This is especially true of scenarios where their non-black partner calls them all manner of racial slurs in a sex ritual that makes such offensive language less powerful through a cathartic process of exposure, power play, and sexual release (this is actually the dynamic to which those ign'ts who argue about the relative merits of "nigger" versus "nigga" are really trying to speak). There are no black men, men such as Chauncey DeVega, who would gladly take a job as an S/M Dom if he could beat the hell out of rich, powerful, White men--and get paid lots of money to do it. Nah, not him, because he is too black and too strong. Yes, the Japanese are into erotic rope play, they call it Shibari, but they probably learned that from the White man. Kink and S/M are uniquely White inventions, inventions that White folks such as the Marquis De Sade and the owners of Formula One racing teams are both uniquely, and particularly, adept at.

Invention Number 5: Oral Sex

Black people, and people of color more generally, do not indulge in oral sex. From the Caribbean to Africa, and throughout the Diaspora, black people will readily tell you that oral sex is something unique to White people. Black women do not perform fellatio--you didn't know that it was demeaning and reminds them of sexual subordination and rape? Black men do not go down on women--in black vernacular speech it is called "bowing"--an Africanism which survived the Middle Passage. In fact, White folks have pioneered the introduction of oral sex, specifically, and the use of one's lips and mouth for erotic play, more generally, to the world. For example, the Japanese did not kiss (as the mouth was believed unclean) until Europeans introduced the practice in the 19th century. If that is the case for the Japanese, then Africans and Inuits were certainly not using their mouths for any unclean purposes until they encountered Europeans. Ohh praise cunnilingus and fellatio! Wonderful gifts to all, gifts made possible only through the Europeans' curiosity and willingness to eat anything! And I really, really, really, mean this most sincerest of thanks...

Object Lesson Number One: A White Black Person

In the spirit of White History Month, I have decided to provide examples of some White, black People that include the (in)famous, the commonplace, and the everyday. This is a respectable negro version of Batman's Rogues Gallery.

Black men who only date white women:

Larry Elder, in the spirit of his book, is "a stupid black man":

Thomas Sowell, who has an uncanny resemblance to Mr. Glass from the movie Unbreakable:

Uncle Clarence Thomas:

John McWhorter, now resident black expert on everything at the Manhattan Institute:

Black women who only date white men:

Good ol' reliable Shelby Steele:

Any more nominees?

Chauncey DeVega Says: Celebrate and Praise these Great White Inventions

A quick thought on the White in White History

White History Month is here and I am so happy! in fact, I am tingling with delight as I think about my first entry for this auspicious event. First, we need to clarify some terms. "White" is different from white. The former speaks to the relationship between power and race--the unstated assumptions that those who are White are by definition normal, are privileged (but won't generally admit it nor confront it), and whose race is invisible, i.e. it just isn't something to be thought of and "race" is a category which by definition describes the Other, and not White people. Thus, the label/field/disciple/category of whiteness (and whiteness studies) when folk want to critically interrogate White racial identity.

white is a bit different. white is simply a factual observation as in "those are some white people." But, they often overlap, and yes race is "socially constructed" so there is malleability to the category. Ultimately, there are black, White people, there are White black people, and there are folk of all color that have white/White tastes--like Zora and me, but not Gordon, as he is an "authentic" negro.

As you read our White History posts every Wednesday keep these qualifiers in mind. You should also reflect on one of my favorite quotes: "Treason to Whiteness is loyalty to humanity."

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There are so many White inventions. There are also lots of white inventions as well. Since White folk basically invented the modern world, and all of its goodies, I have a hard time knowing where to begin. So here is my first take (and not my last) on some important inventions worthy of being honored during White History Month.

Invention number 1. The Flowbee.

Some of you may be too young to remember the miracle that was the Flowbee. Before SuperCuts--that wonderful place where white people, as well as black folks who don't know to go to a barbershop (or were adopted by white parents) go to get their haircuts--white people invented an attachment that would turn a vacuum cleaner into a pair of barber clippers. You would place an attachment on the end of the vacuum cleaner hose, set the length which you wanted your hair cut, and vacuum away. The Flowbee was perfect for the quintessential white haircut, "the bowl." As a black person, and I guess this went for Jews as well, I was always jealous that I couldn't use the Flowbee. My hair was happy to be nappy and those tight little knots and curls of hair were incompatible with the original Flowbee. One couldn't contain my glee when the new and improved Flowbee was unleashed onto the marketplace. Its tagline: "the Flowbee now works on Afro Hair!" Damn, I was so excited because I could finally cut my hair like white people, and I was one step closer to "passing" because of it. The flowbee is so important to the lifestyles of white people that there are online communities devoted to it, and the flowbee has subsequently been the subject of much scholarly research and examination.

Invention number 2. Febreze

Febreze is one of the greatest gifts which white people have ever given the world because it allows you to wear dirty, smelly, stinky clothes over and over again. In fact, did you know that Febreze is so popular that many consider "febreze" to be a proper verb? Undoubtedly, this practical and inspired gift to mankind has roots in Europe where a whole continent committed itself to covering up their unclean ways, all around funkiness, and history of poor hygiene (random story: did you know that European travel narratives from the 18th and 19th centuries are full of erotic praise for the hygiene of those "heathen" "savage" women who unlike Europeans at the time, didn't have stinky punanies? Those white Imperialists loved getting with those nice smelling brown, black, red, and yellow women...and who can blame them?) Yes, I love me some Febreze. Did you know I once wore a sweater for a month and simply febrezed it everyday despite the fact that is smelled of smoke and sweat? Ahh, the wonders of white technology.

Invention Number 3. Marshmallow Fluff

I have never seen a non-white person eat this stuff. Growing up, and to this day, I have white friends who wax nostalgic about eating this foul marshmallow food substitute. I remember growing up and seeing white kids at lunch with Fluff sandwiches. As I reflect, perhaps it is a white version of the mustard or ketchup sandwich that many poor black people wax nostalgic about eating when they were kids? The curious should follow this link for a history of the foul, white substance. Apparently, Fluff is so prevalent as a staple of the white diet, that some public officials want to see it banned. From the Boston Globe: "The escalating war on junk food in schools has targeted a new enemy -- that gooey, sugary, and often irresistible sandwich spread known to children everywhere as Fluff. Outraged that his son was served peanut butter and Marshmallow Fluff sandwiches at a Cambridge elementary school, state Senator Jarrett T. Barrios, a Democrat, said he will offer an amendment to a junk-food bill this week that would severely limit the serving of marshmallow spreads in school lunch programs statewide." Thank goodness someone is taking steps to confront Fluff and its negative impact on white youth. Because frankly, for the same reasons I would never let my daughter play with a hula hoop, there is just something a bit wrong with all that white gooey stuff coming out of our children's mouths.

Friday Five: 5 “American” terms that are code for “white”

I know that we said that we are reserving Wednesdays to post on White History Month, but I just couldn't resist. Like most black people, I am very aware of race and language in popular culture. To kick of White History Month, I have decided to celebrate one of white people's rich cultural traditions, namely, white language. I've compiled a list of five terms that use “America” but are actually code for “white people.”

1.) All-American

Any time this word is used as an adjective and it isn’t in the context of high school or college sports, you can rest assured that it’s describing a white person.

e.g. All-American girl, All-American boy, All-American family.

2.) America’s sweetheart

While it is supposed to signal beauty and innocence, it is reserved for young white women.

e.g. “Oh, Jennifer Aniston, we love you! You truly are America’s sweetheart.”

3.) Middle America

This and its cousin “The Heartland” (which brings to mind Nazi Vaterland), rests upon the idealization of such noble “middle American values” as maintaining peaceful towns, promoting family values, and educating children. These pathologies are not limited to white people or those in the Midwest, of course, but whiteness as ideological, practical purity is definitely a subtext of the term “Middle America.”

4.) Red-blooded American male

This one is supposed to signal fierce heterosexuality and manliness, but it almost always signals popular straight white male desire.

e.g. “What red-blooded American male doesn’t find the Olson Twins hot?” Uh, maybe ones who aren’t into the stick figure junkie troll look?

5.) Americana

I have a handful of rules about cultural critics: never trust one who 1) attaches the prefix “post” to musical genres; 2) romanticizes “the golden age” of anything, or 3) uses the word “Americana” with a straight face. Technically, jazz falls under the Americana rubric, but it’s usually the toothless, bastardized forms performed by inoffensive white artists. It is Bob Costas’ bullshit about the purity of baseball before it was fully integrated. It is bland, suburban-approved art. But “Americana” is at root, a product of condescending pseudo-intellectuals who try to advertise their appreciation of common “folk art” (sound familiar?)

Bonus: U.S.A.! (chanted)

If you hear white people chanting “U.S.A.” and you’re not at a sporting event, you are assed out!

W is for White, White as in White History Month

We are suffering from a combination of Obama fatigue, and a bit of exhaustion from talking about all this black-race stuff...because black folk really do make us tired. Accordingly, we are inaugurating April as White History Month here at We are Respectable Negroes. On Wednesdays throughout the month we are going to feature great white people, great moments in white history, and great white inventions. Truthfully, we have always been sympathetic to arguments against Black History Month and all of the attention black folk get throughout the year can be a bit deafening. Thus, White History Month will serve as a corrective to Black History Month, and because white folk don't get enough shine throughout the year we black folk are giving White History Month a long month, a whole 30 days of attention and love (or 5 Wednesdays). Hopefully, this will help the self-esteem of white people, and provide an opportunity to celebrate their many, and often overlooked, contributions to America and the world.