Sunday, June 7, 2009
I am quite partial to Johnny Rebel by the way. Question: how long until Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity starts using some of these songs as bumper music?
A bonus clip from the Howard Stern Show's roast of Daniel Carver where comic awkwardness ensues posthaste:
Chauncey DeVega says: African-American Veterans of D-Day and the Existential Power of Barack Obama's Presidency
Elderly White men, watching a Black President deliver the speech at Normandy with quiet reverence and respect, is one of the many reasons I believe that somehow, we will find a way to resolve our collective American dilemma.
Supporters of Barack Obama's candidacy for presidency often discussed the power of existential change that would result from his victory. Here, we meant the power which accompanied the idea of a Black American in the White House as President--a claim about what a person of color in that office would symbolize for America's national identity and shared political culture.
The commemoration of the Allied landings at D-Day, and the invasion of Fortress Europe during World War Two, are examples of these moments. Now, I am not so naive as to believe that a Black man who happens to be president will be a radical change from business as usual by virtue of his mere presence as Chief Executive. Why not? Because a two party system and a centrist politics deem that radicals do not rise to become President of these United States of America.
President Barack Obama's power and importance is rooted in the fact that a Black American, a few generations removed from a moment when his people were systematically excluded from American political life, can participate in one of a nation's most cherished ceremonies is the existential change which so many of us awaited.
In short, many of us never imagined that we would see a Black American fulfilling the role of president as national caretaker and ceremonial leader. This is why we cried and cheered when Obama was elected: for once, the check was not returned, stamped insufficient funds. Thus, President Obama's speech on the anniversary of D-Day is laced with irony as it is a raceless and colorblind moment that is simultaneously pregnant with racial meaning.
While some would like to make Black Americans, and people of color more generally, peripheral to American history, we have always been central to it. In this way, President Barack Obama's speech at Normandy completes a circle of history because while White society has long denied the role of African-Americans on D-Day (an erasure enabled by popular culture both in America and abroad) a Black man now serves as Commander in Chief:
These brave soldiers (as respectable Negroes) knew that service was an important weapon in the Black Freedom Struggle because it would make the justice claims of Black Americans undeniable. Obama knows that he is the direct product of their risk taking and labor. In silent acknowledgment, these veterans must be smiling in quiet satisfaction as President Barack Obama is in many ways the fulfillment of their efforts:
A bonus: some clips from the documentary A Distant Shore: African Americans of D-Day--
Friday, June 5, 2009
Choose Your Own Path: Anti-Black Racism Among Israeli and American Jews! or Drunk, White, Frat Boys and Sorority Chicks Say the Damndest Things
Hat tip to Ta-Nehisi Coates for calling my attention to this at journalist Max Blumenthal's website. Observation number one: she is a poli-sci major? yikes. Observation number two: you worked for Obama's campaign? yikes again. Cheap plug: check out our Chitlins and Gefilte Fish series from a few months ago which speaks directly to the issue of Black/Jewish relations.
Question: Is the above video clip of drunken Jewish American college students in Israel ranting about Barack Obama and calling him "nigger" (among the other less than polite descriptions applied to him) an example of:
A) A deep-seeded anti-black racism among Israeli and American Jewry that speaks to a significant divide between the two communities--one that points to the existence of high levels of anti-black racism abroad that Obama's presidency does little to ameliorate?
B) A bunch of drunk, White frat boys and sorority chicks who when given a bit too much alcohol, the ultimate lubricant for truth, simply shared their honest feelings about Barack Obama and black people at large?
Choose a solution and explain your reasoning.
Hip Hop Cliche and Nostalgia? or The Old School is the Only True School: Park Jam Series Brings Hip-Hop to New Generation
I savaged a piece from the New York Times a few months back that featured laid off corporate executives who are reinventing themselves by learning to be "dj's". The New York Times has redeemed itself a little bit with the following piece on the Park Jam series (and they also had a great article on "authenticity" in hip hop that I will post later today).
They also win double points from me because the piece gives some love to the often forgotten founding fathers of hip hop, Grandwizard Theodore and Grandwizard Caz--true greats that are living in relative poverty in the shadows of a multibillion dollar industry which they helped to create. I still can't get over the use of laptop dj software, especially ironic at an event celebrating the origins of hip hop music and culture, but alas I will simply have to accept that times are a changin'.
The story follows:
Park Jam Series Brings Hip-Hop to New Generation
By David Gonzalez
Rapid-fire riffs of bongo beats — the kind that sound like electronic popcorn — echoed through Behagen Playground in the Bronx on Thursday as D.J. Jazzy Jay cut between two versions of “Apache” on the turntables.
“Tonto! Jump on it!” came the lyrics from the Sugar Hill Gang’s version. “Kemosabe! Jump on it!”
And jump they did. While middle-aged women swayed their shoulders, two police officers came in tapping their feet, while a young, lean B-boy darted out onto the asphalt with a side-to side swing that morphed into a drop and a twirl. Within moments, the D.J. cut back to the Incredible Bongo Band’s original instrumental, a song that sounds like Sergio Leone meeting some beatniks on speed.
And it all made sense.
More than 30 years since hip-hop emerged in Bronx playgrounds and parties, its pioneering D.J.’s have joined their younger counterparts once again this summer for a series of free concerts in public parks. The True School NYC Summer Park Jam Series started seven years ago in Crotona Park, which will be the site for free concerts every Thursday evening in July. It has since expanded to St. Nicholas Park in Harlem and, this year, to Behagen Playground in Morrisania, where this summer’s series had its kickoff Thursday.
Behagen is a special place for Theodore Livingston, since it’s where he started D.J.-ing while still attending nearby Morris High School. He’s better known as Grand Wizard Theodore, the D.J. credited with inventing scratching.
“A jam like this is about coming back to my roots,” he said. “I never got too big or too Hollywood to not come back and play for the people. This is where I started with Mean Gene and Grandmaster Flash, right over there by the parkie house.”
He stood to the side, smiling and shaking hands with well wishers and fellow D.J.’s, like Danny Dan the Beat Mann (who helped produced some of Biz Markie’s early records). The mood was relaxed, even if the music thumped so loud you could literally feel it pulse through your lungs if you stood close enough to the tower of speakers. Grandmaster Caz — the leader of the Cold Crush Brothers — worked the microphone while kicking back in a beach chair.
“I feel the people appreciate it more now, at least the older heads do,” said Theodore, who will be performing at Behagen on Friday night. “The younger kids listen to the radio, the same old songs. They don’t know the songs we play in the park are the ones sampled on the radio.”
The manufacturers of deejay equipment also appreciate it, since they help underwrite the series, said Christie Z-Pabon, who along with her husband, Jorge, “Popmaster Fabel,” run Tools of War, a hip-hop information clearinghouse.
“That’s how we can do this for free,” she said. “It’s not like we’re going to charge people.”
As she spoke, a B-boy was methodically unfolding a large cardboard box, which he proceeded to tape down to the asphalt. He stood up, took it in, then got down and started spinning. Christie leaned over to a friend.
“Fabel tells me that in the old days, B-boys wouldn’t use cardboard,” she said. “That’s just an urban myth.”
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Pat Buchanan is speaking truth to power again!
I will create a more complete list in the near future. For now, here are some choice comments and suggestions from our readers. Keep them coming folks, this is our chance to expose the unfair privileges that Black Americans have been enjoying during (and before) the age of Obama. Bathe in the waters of justice as we make clear for all our many accumulated unfair advantages--
From Exodus Mentality:
Black communities are afforded far more than their fair share of police protection. White communities can go days without seeing a police officer, but there is never any shortage of protection and service in Black neighborhoods. Our streets are constantly swept for crime and would be criminals. Surely we don't deserve such heightened attention, but we are privileged to receive it nonetheless.
In a somewhat similar vein, people of color are given far more chances to go to prison and take the time to think about their crimes and rehabilitate themselves, than their white counterparts. Often white people are not held responsible for their criminal activity, thus denying the the moral value of learning from their mistakes.
From Master Mahan:
As a white person, I never realized just how much society was aligned against me. Certainly I'd recognized a few disadvantages, such as the economic burden of needing to purchase sunscreen, but not all this. I don't receive near as many opportunities to learn about the justice system up close. I learn less about surviving hardships because the federal government will quickly help me before, during, and after a natural disaster.
I need to fulfill higher expectations because it's automatically assumed the best person for the job looks like me. Because of this, I'll be burdened with more responsibility and a higher tax rate. I'll need to work harder for a job to prove I wasn't a non-affirmative action pick.
Even in the media I'm at a disadvantage. I'll receive less attention if I'm falsely accused of kidnapping a white woman. No reporter will specifically seek someone of my race out for anything a white person does in the news.
The biggest black privilege of all, though, comes if you enter politics as a member of the Republican party. You'll receive funding to run against other black people. You'll placed directly behind many famous Republicans when they give speeches. You're guaranteed to be shown on TV at the Republican National Convention, and there's an excellent chance you'll be asked a give a speech. Even if you can't win a single election, you'll have job security for life. As a white man, I just wouldn't receive that sort of treatment. That's not even considering the privileges of being a woman, either. No glass ceiling means I get wet when it rains.
You forgot the privilege of becoming an expert on matters of food and taste. Explaining things like why some people prefer to eat a hamburger with Dijon mustard as opposed to watermelon.
You forgot the extreme attention that is paid to the driving safety and comfort of Black Americans. I can't remember the last time a police officer pulled me over to make sure I was driving a safe speed, or had all my taillights in working order. Not to mention they never stop to check that it's actually ME driving my car and not some other scoundrel. It's almost as if the highway patrol doesn't even SEE white suburban housewives.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Chauncey DeVega says: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack of Black Privilege in the Age of Barack Obama
"I was taught to see racism only in individual acts of meanness, not in invisible systems conferring dominance on my group"
For the world to be made more just, we must be willing to be vulnerable to one another. This vulnerability often comes through a moment of profound clarity when a person (across lines of race, gender, class, and sexuality) can reach out to another and without fear of condemnation say, "I was wrong." I have finally arrived at this moment of shared empathy and confession. At these moments we need one of our own to make our privilege and prejudice clear to us--an assumed ally whose eyes are now open to injustice, who in turn will shame us into action.
In watching Thomas Sowell, who without hesitation or fear named nominee for the Supreme Court, Judge Sotomayor, as a racist, I am moved to action and ownership of my deeds and thoughts: this is the transgressive moment when I will confess to the realities of my own privilege as a black man in the age of Obama. Are others ready to walk this path with me? Honestly, I do not know. Nevertheless, I will be the first to take on this burden in the hope that my deeds will motivate others.
I can only hope that we as black Americans, acting in the pursuit of fairness, justice, and equality, can one day make amends for the many unearned privileges that we have garnered since the election of Barack Obama.
Justice is shared work. Community is at the heart of social transformation. Thus, please feel free to make additions to this list.
2. I have the luxury of knowing that I only have to be twice as good as my White colleagues and peers to be considered for the same position. My broad range of skills are an unfair advantage in the workplace because they have afforded me opportunities to take on tasks and responsibilities that my White colleagues have often been denied.
3. Positive character traits such as humility and hard work are cultivated in me because I know that I am held to a higher standard lest I be considered "lazy" or "arrogant" by my supervisors and peers.
4. People of color have long dominated the evening news. We are disproportionately represented in the coverage of many types of news stories, especially those that feature reports of violent, criminal behavior. Moreover, with Barack Obama's domination of the evening news, the hyper-visibility of people of color is further encouraged in the mainstream media. To remedy this, I will do my best to support an increase in the amount of attention given to White people in the evening news and by popular culture at large.
5. I can go shopping most of the time knowing that I will be given extra attention. Furthermore, this extra attention to my safety through requests for identification when I would like to use a credit card or debit card are for my own protection. My fellow White shoppers are not afforded this level of concern or assistance.
6. In my professional life, I am blessed to be around people of a different race most of the time. This is very empowering and stimulating. Ultimately, this is an unearned advantage in a world that is increasingly diverse.
7. I am often asked to speak for people of my own race. With Barack Obama's election, I have to do this even more frequently. This privilege is unfair because it contributes to my intellectual, emotional, and social growth in ways that White people are not generally afforded.
8. Linked fate. Barack Obama's success or failure reflects on me personally. Likewise, my success or failure reflects on Barack Obama. This sense of connectedness and lack of relative anonymity is wonderfully empowering for all people of color.
9. I can find the literature, music, and movies that represent my culture neatly cordoned off and near the front of the store for my convenience.
10. I know that my race is always an asset and never a liability. At will, I can play the "race card" and win any debate or dispute.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Lest You Think I Have Become Too Serious: Black Israelites in Times Square Versus a Killer Clown from Outer Space and a Black Zombie--Who Wins?
Question: Who is funnier, the clown or the Black Israelite? Second question: Did you notice the Black Israelite to the prayer leader's left who had totally lost it? Third question: Should we give respect to said Black Israelite as he stayed on script and used the killer clown and zombie as proof of the "White Man's" evil? Fourth question: Who are the bigger clowns and zombies, the Black Israelites or the Halloween party goers?
Friday, May 29, 2009
Yes, speak truth to power!
Again, I am moved by the heroism of the New Haven 20 and their stance against this widespread racism against White men under the terror of Jim Crow 2.0. Both my conscience and heart are struck by this case. In fact, as a gesture of unity I am going to buy their t-shirts and hats. And I am also going to remove the picture of the Little Rock Nine that is in my office and replace it with a picture of the New Haven 20:
The power of both these images is profound:
Although there is a shared echo between them, I must admit that the New Haven 20 have a dignity in their actions and struggle that the Little Rock 9 cannot match:
Ultimately, there really is no comparison at all:
Are you with us? What are you doing to support the struggle against the new Jim Crow that is oppressing our White brothers?
You know we respectable negroes love us some Tyler Perry (yeah right--insert vomiting sound here). I don't understand the fixation on Madea or any of Perry's other "artistic" creations, but I will allow the masses their pleasures.
To that point: Spike Lee has apparently stepped up to the plate and is calling Perry out for his nouveau race minstrelsy in an interview set to air this weekend with the Ed Gordon on Our World with Black Enterprise show.
Related random anecdote: did you know that I had a student brought to near tears by my critique of Madea as a race minstrel? Second related random anecdote: did you know that in this same histrionic moment said student conflated Madea and Rosa Parks as inspirational and heroic figures? And no, I did not make that up.
Per tradition, take a close look at some of the comments which accompanied this story on the website, Global Grind. Both follow:
Spike Lee had an interview with Ed Gordon on Our World with Black Enterprise scheduled to air this weekend. In the interview he complained about “coonery and buffoonery” and both of Tyler Perry’s shows “Meet the Browns” and “House of Payne,” comparing them to characters from minstrel shows.
“We’ve had this discussion back and forth. When John Singleton [made 'Boyz in the Hood'], people came out to see it. But when he did ‘Rosewood,’ nobody showed up. So a lot of this is on us! You vote with your pocketbook, your wallet. You vote with your time sitting in front of the idiot box, and [Tyler Perry] has a huge audience. We shouldn’t think that Tyler Perry is going to make the same film that I am going to make, or that John Singleton or my cousin Malcolm Lee [would make]. As African-Americans, we’re not one monolithic group, so there is room for all of that. But at the same time, for me, the imaging is troubling and it harkens back to ‘Amos n’ Andy.’”
OPINION: Why Tracy Morgan Isn’t Taking Us Two Steps
“Each artist should be allowed to pursue their artistic endeavors, but I still think there is a lot of stuff out today that is coonery and buffoonery. I know it’s making a lot of money and breaking records, but we can do better. … I am a huge basketball fan, and when I watch the games on TNT, I see these two ads for these two shows (Tyler Perry’s “Meet the Browns” and “House of Payne”), and I am scratching my head. We got a black president, and we going back to Mantan Moreland and Sleep ‘n’ Eat?
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Maybe, we can finally acknowledge the Old Negro Space Program...
In the scramble to cover the New Jim Crow against White men (what I am calling the Civil Rights Movement 2.0), many of you may have missed Obama's nomination of General Charles Bolden as the new director of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA).
Isn't it funny that the establishment would explain away its lack of diversity with the much tired phrase "that there is a shortage of qualified minorities," when it seems that President Obama has been able to find stellar black and brown folk for his administration almost at will?
The story follows here:
President Barack Obama on Saturday chose retired astronaut Gen. Charles Bolden to lead NASA. He also named former NASA associate administrator Lori Garver as the agency's No. 2. If confirmed, Bolden, who has flown in space four times and was an assistant deputy administrator at one point, would be the agency's first black administrator.
Bolden would also be only the second astronaut to run NASA in its 50-year history. Adm. Richard Truly was the first. In 2002, then-President George W. Bush unsuccessfully tried to appoint Bolden as the space agency's deputy administrator. The Pentagon said it needed to keep Bolden, who was a Marine general at the time and a pilot who flew more than 100 sorties in Vietnam.
"Charlie knows NASA and the people know Charlie; there's a level of comfort," especially given the uncertainty the space agency faces, said retired astronaut Steve Hawley, who flew twice in space with Bolden.
Bolden likely will bring "more balance" to NASA, increasing spending on aeronautics and environment missions, working more with other nations in space, and emphasizing education, which the president often talks about when it comes to space, said former Johnson Space Center Director George Abbey, a longtime friend."He's a real leader," Abbey said Saturday. "NASA has been looking for a leader like this that they could have confidence in."--continue reading here...
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
The Little Rock Nine have been surpassed. Enter: The New Haven Twenty.
Once more, I am moved by the bravery and heroism displayed by these freedom fighters. Against impossible odds, violence, and a long history of discrimination, these great men are showing that regular folk can indeed stand against power and make real the promise of the American creed. Clearly, the New Haven Twenty have eclipsed the Little Rock Nine as they work to create a nation under their feet and carry forth the light of freedom.
It seems that the well of democracy springs eternal as in this newest freedom struggle, Fox News is Radio Dixie, and Sean Hannity is Robert Williams:
Together, they will shatter the walls of the second Jim Crow and end what Hannity so sharply describes as institutional discrimination against these good White men.
While the choice is not yet one between the ballot or the bullet, together we shall overcome. Why? Because the New Haven Twenty are armed with truth and justice...weapons that no racist regime has ever been able to resist. I implore you to join me as I echo Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., a man who I know would have marched lockstep with the New Haven Twenty:
Let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream as the New Haven Twenty march into glory and history!
Hallelujah! Are you with me?
Charles Krauthammer I Feel Your Pain: White Men Once More Victims as Obama Picks Judge Sotomayor for the Supreme Court
White men are victimized once more. Again, they are excluded from another opportunity to access the corridors of power in the Obama administration. As I empathized with Pat Buchanan on the rise of a second Jim Crow in American, one now oriented against white men of the "greatest generation," I must now extend the same olive branch to noted conservative columnist and pundit Charles Krauthammer. Again, I cannot imagine how White men are feeling in this moment as President Obama has selected a Hispanic woman, Sonia Sotomayor, as his nominee to the Supreme Court. It must really hurt to go from being the presumed choice for all things, to now being one choice among many.
I imagine it must be similar to how a "gentlemen C" student feels when he is faced with an upstart professor who demands excellence. Life is indeed unfair as the rules of the game can be changed so arbitrarily and to one's detriment. Or perhaps this experience is even more akin to that of the child who is used to always being picked first for a pick-up game of dodge ball, to now being reduced to jumping up and down and yelling "pick me! pick me!" because there is a new captain in town.
Krauthammer is to be applauded for his keen acknowledgment of how identity politics are the bread and butter, the raison d'etre for the Left and the Democratic Party. Never has the Right and the Republican Party used race as a wedge issue. Nor, have they ever attempted to mobilize their base against the real and imagined "threat" posed by people of color to an unnamed and unmarked Whiteness, one that is imagined to be, and is constructed as, interchangeable with the idea of being "American."
In the same way that the Right found a crusading hero in Allan Bakke, the plaintive in the landmark anti-affirmative action case Allan Bakke versus the Regents of the University of California, Krauthammer, Limbaugh, O'Reilly, and Buchanan have found a just crusader in Frank Ricci. With him, they can now craft a mythology around a set of justice claims that will fuel the second Civil Rights Movement--a White Male Freedom Struggle that will ring through all times as it fights to dramatically restructure American society.
Frank Ricci is their Rosa Parks. Instead of a kindly, exhausted, old lady who simply wanted to ride the bus and sit where she so chose, the Right has a dyslexic firefighter who studied for twelve hours a day, employed tutors to read him the textbook, and despite all of these obstacles, still scored at the top of the exam class. His reward? to be denied his rightful and earned promotion by a group of litigious, petty, underachieving, mediocre black firefighters and their white liberal enablers who claimed that the test was "unfair." This is identity politics at its worst, a politics that is squarely outside of the American tradition.
When Krauthammer stages his freedom rides, and the movement to which he belongs has its great march on Washington, I will empathize with them. For me, the veil is lifted as I now clearly see the moral righteousness and virtue of their freedom struggle. Justice will come for these aggrieved White men, and I hope it comes very soon.
Monday, May 25, 2009
There are many American servicemen and women whose stories have been lost to history. Memorial Day is a time to bring light to these unsung heroes. For example:
The many women who served with great distinction during World War II as military aviators and support staff where they performed such dangerous tasks as towing targets for anti-aircraft gunnery practice:
The all Japanese American 442nd Army regiment. They were real hard bodies, eventually becoming the most decorated unit in U.S. military history:
The 369th Infantry Regiment, also known as the "Harlem Hellfighters." These brothers were fighting the Germans in World War I months prior to the introduction of the main United States Expeditionary force:
Heroism, service, and valor are not limited to human beings. Many of our four-legged friends have also served America with honor, distinction and sacrifice. Finally, our canine companions are receiving a much belated acknowledgment of their service and loyalty:
The Alaskan Territorial Guard which protected the United States from a Japanese assault by way of the Aleutians:
A personal hero, one man, a legend, and not widely known--Carlos Hathcock--3 days, a one thousand plus meter crawl, and a little under a mile sniper shot:
Most Americans do not take the time to reflect on the true meaning of Memorial Day. Although the tradition had many different starts (some would claim its origins in the Confederacy during the Civil War; others would say it was the Union that began this "holiday") the day is intended as one of remembrance during which we honor our fallen soldiers, as well as the service of our veterans. Although I may not always agree with the foreign policy decisions that have put our young men and women in harm's way, I always honor their sacrifice and service. Why? Because service to one's country is respectable negro behavior.
In between eating hot dogs, drinking cheap beer, and inaugurating the official start of summer please take the time to reflect on the sacrifices and service of the American fighting man and woman. To that end, there is a moving project called "Map the Fallen" that uses Google Earth to list and track the some 6,000 Coalition soldiers who have died in the Iraq and Afghanistan campaigns by showing their individual biographies, places of birth, and locations of death.
In keeping with the spirit of Memorial Day, I offer an experiment and suggestion: select five of these stories and read these accounts aloud. If you have children, please include them as they too need to understand the human costs of war. The stories profiled on Map the Fallen are those of our sons, daughters, brothers, fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts, and friends...and they deserve proper recognition.
Friday, May 22, 2009
“Right now, to me he’s, like, the dumbest person I ever came in contact with in my life,” Ms. Walker said [of her brother, an alleged conspirator to bomb a synagogue].
She added that as far as she knew, he was not a Muslim, but said “they do a little time in jail and they don’t eat pork no more.”
Thursday, May 21, 2009
I’m a sucker for TV court shows.
I’ve long been fascinated by the racial and gender dynamics of these shows, but that’s a topic for another day. In the many hours I’ve
About TV court shows:
1. The judge and the bailiff must be from different racial groups.
2a. There will never be a white WASP male hetero TV judge. (there is a white guy now, Judge David Young, but he is flaming; there have been Jewish male Judges; and there have been white Southern male redneck-ishjudges, but they are really like ethnics).
2b. The judge must dispense homespun wisdom with a touch of ethnic sass.
3. Because it makes for interesting TV, the judge will let the litigants tell each other’s personal business (drugs, sex, appearance) that has nothing to do with the case.
4. The litigant who interrupts or disrespects the judge will lose.
Practical financial advice:
5. Never let anyone put any bill in your name.
6. Never cash a check for anyone.
7. Never buy an old car as is.
Practical legal advice:
8. Always call the police after an accident or an incident.
9. Always get it in writing.
10. Read the fine print.
11. Never confess to or threaten anyone over the phone.
Practical relationship advice:
12. Never move in with someone you’ve only known for a little while.
13. Never lend money to family or friends—either give it to them or don’t.
14. Never trust a man who ignores his kids from a previous relationship.
15. Never take nude pictures/videos with a partner unless you are OK with other people seeing them.
16. Never trust a stripper (see 27.).
Phrases that indicate someone is lying:
17. “Okay, This is what happened…”/ “What had happened was…”
18. “Let me start from the beginning…”
19. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you! If you’d just let me talk…”
20. *Repeating the question before answering* (e.g., “Why did I walk over to his car? I walked over to his car because…”)
Phrases that really mean “I’m not going to pay you”:
21. “I’ll pay you back when I get my tax refund.”
22. “I’ll pay you when I receive this lawsuit settlement I’m waiting for.”
23. “I’ll pay you when I get back on my feet and start working again.”
24. “I was gonna pay, but then you started harrassing me.”
25. “I was gonna pay, but the bill was too high; you are trying to gouge me.”
26. You get what you pay for.
27. Money can’t buy love.
28. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
There is much to like about Terminator Salvation. Unlike some notable critics who absolutely loathed the newest installment in the almost 30 year saga that is the Terminator franchise, I actually liked it. Now, it is not perfect. And there are some serious issues with logic and continuity. But, I smiled, had a good time, and felt as though I got my money's worth (which is much more than I can say for the foul excuse of a movie that dares to call itself Wolverine).
What works in Terminator Salvation--giant robots; the action scenes; the visceral fun of seeing another Terminator film; ILM's cgi; and Sam Worthington's "prototype" T-101/T-800 unit. Worthington has got a great future ahead of him, and James Cameron's long anticipated movie "Avatar," is lucky to have him as the lead.
What doesn't work? Quite a bit. The analogy I would use to describe this film is that Terminator Salvation is like a piece of filet mignon in the hands of an underskilled chef. Said cook has a wonderful piece of meat to work with but overcooks it, uses olive oil instead of peanut oil to sear it, and then kills the steak in the broiler instead of baking it. To make matters worse, our overly ambitious (yet relatively unskilled) chef uses cheap cooking wine as the base for the sauce. The result is an acceptable dish that does not reach its full potential. Your dinner guests know this fact, but they humor the effort because the base ingredients are of such generally high quality.
In keeping with the metaphor, how would I improve the "dish" that is Terminator Salvation?
1. The writers and producers of this film try too hard. They have a perfect recipe for greatness and either do not "get" the franchise beyond its most superficial elements, or they do not care to understand what worked with the first two films. Sure, the Terminator films are about robots, explosions, and car chases. The Terminator franchise is also about big questions: fate, destiny, artificial intelligence, and the inevitability of the future as opposed to the primacy of free will. The first is spoken to wonderfully, the latter is relatively ignored. Solution: more homework, talking to more fans, making sure that the sequel has a great script with human drama as the foundation and base for all of the action movie elements, and reading more classic science fiction.
2. As a ghetto nerd I have spent many an evening arguing with friends about how we would survive the rise of the machines. (I love this dilemma, would AI destroy us? Or would AI protect humankind from the barbarism inherent in our souls?) Terminator Salvation fails to understand the reality of this monstrous future. Humankind has suffered a nuclear apocalypse, a genocidal war, and is now fighting a merciless foe. One would think that events would seem dour and grave. Not in Terminator Salvation. Sure, things are bad, but never do you have a sense that humanity's very existence as a species is imperiled.
3. On the post-nuclear apocalypse. The sky should be dark. Electromagnetic pulse damage should have fried most electronics, i.e. no modern cars. The surviving humans should be sick, exhausted, and psychically damaged almost beyond repair. This is the power of John Connor's character. He is a messiah who teaches humankind how to fight back against the machines. In Terminator Salvation he is peripheral. Moreover, in the world created by this first installment, Connor is utterly expendable. As a corrective, the writers and producers should watch the following clip from the Matrix animated film anthology and ask themselves, "how would a leader motivate and inspire these desperate souls?"
4. Pretty people. The characters in this film have perfect teeth, relatively nice clothes, neatly kept hair, and not a person seems deathly ill (radiation poisoning and cancer anyone?). Most glaringly, Connor's pregnant wife has apparently been shopping at Anne Taylor or Neiman Marcus. This is just plain laziness on the part of the producers. Corrective: yellow teeth, sickly people, dirt, disease, and despair. Second corrective: more religious iconography and conversations about God. The writers cannot ignore the very human reality that people in desperate situations either find their faith or utterly lose it. The film plays with John Connor as a Messianic figure, but does not follow through. The sequels must address this aspect of his personal mythology much more forcefully.
5. Please keep actor/emcee Common away from all movies produced in this country. He is so foul an actor that the Screen Actor's Guild should expressly forbid him from ever appearing in a film again. And please remove all magical negro characters that are inspired by Mad Max: the Road Warrior from the sequels to Terminator Salvation. Third suggestion: Moon Bloodgod who plays Sam Worthington's love interest is a goddess--in my pantheon of Hollywood crushes she may actually be higher than Rosario Dawson...and that ain't no easy feat to accomplish. Because of that fact my lovely Miss Bloodgod (what a name!) is out of place, and her presence is distracting. For the next few movies in a trilogy that should be more Threads and The Day After than Dawson's Creek, the actors need to get uglier, fatter, and much less attractive.
6. Simplicity. This plot is too complicated. We have a human infiltrator in Sam Worthington's character who is actually in many ways more sophisticated than the T-101 unit sent back, i.e. Arnold's model of terminator, in the first 3 films. But, Terminator Salvation's newest model of terminator is the predecessor to Arnold's version. Unnecessary. Worthington is a great character but wasted because the very fact of his presence and reveal (which was given away by the trailers for the film) is anti-climactic.
7. Brute force, bluntness, and drama. The best part of this film, and a moment that hinted at what it could have been, is the introduction of Kyle Reese's character. What would relatively untrained citizen soldiers do against robotic warriors armed with miniguns (that is a modern version of the Gatling gun for those of you out of the loop)? Would we adapt, achieve, and overcome? Or would we just die? The movie needs more of these moments. Again, the human resistance's ability to fight Skynet is never in doubt because our "primitive" firearms are able to damage and destroy the terminators. The creators of Terminator Salvation need to increase the body count of the human protagonists.
In addition, the creators of Terminator Salvation seem to have forgotten that the relative invulnerability of the terminators is the foundation for the drama (remember the first Terminator film's point that Kyle Reese is unsure of his ability to defeat the T-101 with "these weapons"). This important detail is totally undermined within the opening moments of the film.
As a fix, Terminator Salvation needs more blunt, desperate moments where dozens if not hundreds of human beings are willing to die in order to kill 1 terminator. We do this again, and again, and again because we have no choice. This is the drama and sadness that the new trilogy must capture in order to be successful.
8. Background and frame. Terminator Salvation is a relatively empty world. It needs to add constant activity in the background of its scenes. One of the key dramatic elements in the war against the machines is that they never tire, surrender, or stop in their pursuit of genocide. In Terminator Salvation the viewer never has a sense that humankind is fighting this type of enemy. For the sequels, hunter killer robots must be in the sky at all times, the resistance must be under siege, and victory must always be in doubt.
9. Military consultants. Terminator Salvation would greatly benefit from the addition of a few lines of dialogue that hint at the dynamics of the war fighting situation which humanity has found itself in. The ability of the resistance to use aircraft to fight Skynet seems unbelievable as presented. How would they survive Skynet's aerial assault? Wouldn't Skynet's local radar and satellites detect any planes in the air? A simple fix would be a throwaway comment on the fact that the resistance is using obsolescent aircraft and helicopters such as Huey's and A-10's because they are immune from Skynet's computer viruses and overrides--nix the Osprey's in the next film. A second fix would necessarily be an allusion to the resistance's ability to obtain fuel, spare parts, and mechanics to keep these vehicles in the air. A third fix would involve a clear communication to the audience that the resistance rarely uses these precious assets, and when they do, their small fleet of aircraft must stay under some arbitrary altitude (say 300 feet) in order to have any chance of survival.
10. Second suggestion on tactics and strategy in Terminator Salvation--the idea of the human resistance using submarines as a base of operations is well considered and inspired. The idea that satellite phones (and probably GPS) would still function is fanciful. This is sloppy writing where the script is building up to a big event and takes the easy road (the resistance would likely travel at night and use human "runners" on bicycles or silenced motorcycles to coordinate locally). Final thought on this point: scarcity is a way of life for insurgents, a condition made more desperate for humanity following a nuclear attack. Again, we should see the resistance desperately taking weapons and ammunition from the terminators as their armaments are among the few guaranteed to give the human soldiers any fair chance in battle.
11. The anti-climax. Because we have seen the first three films, there is never any real fear that John Connor will die, because if he did, a paradox would be introduced into the fim. John Connor should know and acknowledge this fact. If Bale's Connor did this, he would have every excuse to be brash bordering on careless. Connor would know that his survival is assured until (at least) the moment when he sends Kyle Reese to the past, and Bale's character would be more heroic in deed as a result (if played correctly, this could introduce a great deal of angst into Conner's character because he would feel like a fraud as his survival is never in doubt).
My plot correction: begin the movie with Reese and Connor meeting each other within either the first 30 or so minutes of the film and plot the movie around that encounter, or have them meet in the last 20 minutes as they work together to resolve the climax of the film.
12. Skynet is foolish, inefficient, and illogical. If Skynet knows about Reese's importance (presumably from the terminator in the third film) then why not simply eliminate Kyle once he is discovered? Also, what is most ominous about fighting artificial intelligence? Its ruthless efficiency. This is an area where Terminator Salvation could be much improved.
Also, the deus ex machina moments with Worthington in Skynet--and the resistance's assault on the installation is another example of lazy, piss poor, writing.
Continuing forward, humanity finds strength through its creativity and hope. Here, our capacity for irrational behavior is an asset in battle because we are capable of unpredictable behavior. This is alluded to by Connor but never developed--it hangs in the narrative as a note, but is never seen in the film. It must be made the heart and soul of the sequels.
13. Final thought: a heart transplant as field triage in the middle of a desert ain't gonna happen. Second final thought: I would have much preferred the rumored ending where Worthington's character becomes John Connor. This would have given all the films an existential weight as a terminator pretending to be a human is actually the leader of the resistance. Alas, Terminator Salvation has no such courage.
Terminator Salvation is a fun film that I will watch again. But, like Transformers, it is a perfect fit for the DVD format because you can fast forward through all of the unnecessary scenes and watch the action pieces. Is this a complement or an insult? I am unsure. But it is a fitting observation with which to describe this most recent installment in the storied Terminator franchise. See the movie, have fun, and lower your expectations...and maybe the sequels will live up to what this newest installment could have been.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Doctors Discover Dallas Twins Have Two Different Dads--Lord, in the Age of Barack Obama, Why Must this Woman be Black? Are You Mocking Us?
Does this woman know any shame?
Why does she not run and hide under a rock?
What sensible human being would appear on television and own this foul, whorish, disgusting behavior?
Who would tell children the particulars of their most befouled conception?
Lord, fate of an infinite sense of humor.
He, who made all things.
Thou, who gave us Maury Povich, why have YOU made this real.
Crom, I know you laugh at the stupidity of mortals, but did this happen in one night or two nights, in the A.M. or the P.M., several days apart, or all in one session?
These are the great mysteries which you must illuminate. And why must this woman be black?
Doctors Discover Dallas Twins Have Two Different Dads
Monday, May 18, 2009
Twin boys, 11-month-old Justin and Jordan, have different fathers.
A Texas mother of twins got the shock of her life when doctors revealed that her 11-month-old boys do not have the same father.
Mia Washington decided to get some expert advice when she and her partner noticed that twins Justin and Jordan had different facial features.
Paternity tests then revealed what had happened — two eggs had been fertilized by two different sperm and there was a 99.99% chance the twins had different dads.
Doctors at the DNA lab in Dallas, Texas had never seen such a result.
Washington later admitted she had had an affair and got pregnant by two different men at the same time.
"Out of all people in America and of all people in the world, it had to happen to me, she told myfoxdfw.com. “I'm very shocked."
"It is very crazy. Most people don't believe it can happen, but it can,” Genny Thibodeaux, Clear Diagnostics President, told the news station.
When twins have two fathers, doctors call it heteropaternal superfecundation, according to myfoxdfw.com. It's so rare — there are only a handful of documented cases in the world.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Will Ferrel's homage to George Bush was a comic gem. If you do not have HBO, watch it on DVD or track it down online, as specials such as this are worth the monthly subscription fee.
Somehow, Condi seems so sexy and smoldering in this clip--oh so crudely sexual and lascivious precisely to the degree that the policies she advocated for were utterly monstrous.
And since we are being honest with one another, am I the only one who suspects that there may have been a weird love triangle going on between Bush Jr., Cheney, and Auntie Condi?
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Fernwood 2 Night was a staple of my late night television viewing in the 1980s and early 1990s. Created by Norman Lear (the genius behind Sanford and Son; Good Times; All in the Family; the Jeffersons; and many other gems) it was a "fake" talk show that mocked all of the conventions and pretenses of a television genre that itself is predicated on false empathy and sympathy-- very Tarantinoesque and postmodern.
Some other great clips.
A lesson on gynecology:
Can you distinguish a fake infomercial from a "real" one:
I am all for corporal punishment in our schools, and here is an expert on the topic:
Smiles and cheers!
Saturday, May 16, 2009
I don't know how I missed this one...Another reason that I like Bro'Bama so much--effortless, sophisticated negritude.
Friday, May 15, 2009
A quick debriefing:
Here is the result of Tuesday night's match up. The show has had some high points as I pointed out earlier, but again, the outcome is a bit problematic. Now, I am not a gung-ho American type who thinks that all things U.S.A. are by definition better than anything offered from abroad. My problem here is the vagueness of the match-up.
For example, Spetsnaz are a broad designation within the Russian/Soviet military (and they are fierce warriors, some of their exploits in Afghanistan were legendary). As a qualifier, all Spetsnaz are "elite." But, some are more "elite" than others. And as was demonstrated during the Chechen seige at the Beslan Middle School, as well as the infamous "poison gas raid" in Moscow, some of their tactics are clumsy and imprecise--so much so that they border on the unprofessional. Thus I must ask, which types of "Spetsnaz" are fighting the Green Berets? The generic special forces or the ultra-elite anti-terrorism units?
Second thought: mission and orientation. The Green Berets are extremely well-trained and versatile. Yes, they are quite capable of what is called "direct action," i.e. killing the bad guys and bringing the pain. But, since their formal inception in the 1960s by President Kennedy, they are more oriented towards training insurgents and foreign militaries. Sure, they can eat things that would make a billy goat puke or break the enemy's will through sheer attrition, but would you want to waste these mature, superbly trained, multilingual warriors on such an adventure?
The Spetsnaz featured in this episode of Deadliest Warrior seem more oriented towards killing people and breaking things. Sure, the Green Berets will give the Spetsnaz operators all they can handle (and maybe more), but my gut tells me that another U.S. unit would be a better pairing. I think that Delta Force or SEAL Team 6 would have been an overmatch. But, the Rangers or U.S. Marine Recon would have seemed a better fit. Your thoughts? What do you think the outcome should have been?
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Social Science in Action: Rush Limbaugh is so Old School or Obama Wants Welfare, Unemployment Checks, and Food Stamps for the Blacks!
What's next, an interview on Limbaugh, O'Reilly, or Glenn Beck with a "welfare queen?"
More seriously, Rush Limbaugh needs to up his game because these "coded" appeals are so 1984. I also find it ironic that we continue to use said phrase (or its more sophisticated pairing of "dog whistle" politics) when referring to what is in fact a very obvious and clumsy ploy intended to stoke the fires of the most base racial animus.
If Limbaugh wants to go really old school, he should just cut to the chase and make an advertisement with President Obama's face superimposed over Nosferatu's with the following caption: "Barack Obama, socialist husband of America hater Michelle Obama, and follower of the most evil Reverend Wright, is coming to get you real Americans!"
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I have not done one of my video annotations in a long time. But, this show on interracial dating demands my careful attention. Enter: Why white women prefer black men. Question: how many stereotypes about interracial dating between black men and white women can you identify in the following video clip?
:13--I cry foul! What an unfair setup...
:27--Am I crazy, or does her desire for the black flesh make you think of Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs. You know that she is hungry for that skin...it is so lovely, tasty, and irresistible. This one is unapologetic in her need to gobble up some sexy mocha chocolate love. Is this a new Hershey's flavor? Mandingo mocha? Or maybe given that she is a Brit, perhaps she wants to turn her negro lover into a human pork rind, one floured, battered and fried?
:33--Black skin on white skin. So sexy, kind of like a sexual version of Backgammon or Go.
:57--Oh yeah, we make you feel safe and lovely! Bow before the black god...as opposed to the dog in the man (bonus points if you get the reference).
1:21--Is that Maxi Priest's long lost brother in the frame?
1:28--Hold on now! I thought Black men didn't take their women out, didn't treat them well, and used black women like mules? These Brits are setting the bar too high for us brothers here in the U.S.
2:00--Has she seen the movie Baby Boy?
3:07--Poor white man. He is under siege!
3:27--Uh oh, more high standards. On the lovemaking, I prefer the soft bigotry of low expectations.
4:10--Five minutes? Short? Damn, I can make love 10 times in five minutes. Am I doing something wrong?
4:21--Backgammon and lovemaking. Now that is an evening. But, which one is the foreplay?
4:33--Is that Erykah Badu?
4:51--Melanin wins again! Melanin's power to metabolize the sun's rays in order to create gyrations and movements in its owners translates directly into an ability to work the middle and hit the G-spot. Each time, every time. Remember, work those hips and use the C.A.T. technique to bring your queen to ecstasy.
4:57--The way black men move in general.... is this the "swagger" that the folks on CNN were talking about in respect to President Obama?
5:02--I thought Plastic Man was white? I guess not.
5:13--Thought number 1: Shabba! Thought number 2: Was this woman in the movie Heading South? Thought number 3: Did you know that I once saw Shabba leap across a concert stage in three mighty bounds? The brother was magical.
5:23--Poor white man. He may be one of Pat Buchanan's allies. Suggestion: if you are white and confronted by these stereotypes of black sexual prowess simply repeat the following phrase--"You ain't had it right till you had it white!"
6:24--Sexual geometry: Q.E.D. Rhythm, length, size, the whole job EQUALS satisfaction.
7:22--Look at her hair, old girl knows she got some colored folk in the family and she best stop trying to pass (badly).
7:41--I tell all of my white friends about the power of cocoa butter. Question: is Shea butter sexier? Random disclosure: before I take a woman on a trip to space mountain I finish off my pre-lovemaking routine with a nice swathing of CVS brand cocoa butter lotion on all of my energy centers. Trust me, my natural pheromones and CVS brand cocoa butter lotion are a combination that queens across the globe find irresistible.
8:45--Wouldn't be interested in some of us "colored" people? This one doesn't pass the b.s. test as Lord knows she was bringing those brothers into her tent late at night (for purposes of ethnographic research of course) while she was working for some NGO in Africa.
8:51--You know the brother wants to "convert" her to the "dark side."
9:36--Race mixing is the only path to a post-racial future. Dr. King, Bob Marley, Terrence Howard, and Wesley Snipes all prophesied this immutable truth, why then has it fallen on deaf ears?