Friday, December 12, 2008

ABC News Reports that Anal Sex is on the Rise Among Teens or A Reflection on the Joys of Booty Love

And we wonder why Al-Qaeda hates us? Sorry, I couldn't resist.

We do live in a wonderful day and age when ABC news finds the time and energy to devote five pages to the perils of anal sex--or as this respectable negro likes to call it--booty love.

I think booty love is getting a bad rap in this piece. Sure, you have sexually repressed, promise keeper, religiously afflicted young people who want to keep their "virginity," yet will do everything thing else under the sun (this same group of most pious and smart folk also think an orgasm will send them to hell, so their judgment is suspect anyway).

But, you also have folks who are sexually adventurous and simply like some butt sex. Where is their voice? Can booty love get some respect in this world? As a firm advocate of booty love, my motto is play safe, wrap it up, use lots of lube, up your sex IQ (Nina Hartley's Guide to Anal Sex is a good beginning) and have fun. If you don't take these precautions you could be in for some pain, a mess (santorum, I love that word and have wanted to use it in a sentence for years) and perhaps even some cooties.

But to be honest, this detour into the realm of public health and human sexuality is actually just an excuse for me to post some of my favorite videos on sex, love, and the butt.

I got to post it again. I can't resist. What do you love Fleece?

Remember, there is only one biblically correct way to have sex. Random thought number one: but isn't the Bible a pretty naughty book with lots of sex, hetero, homo, and bestial? According to former televangelist and religious demagogue Oral Roberts, you better not be putting the penis in the mouth or the anus. And you best not put it in the eye or the nose! Random thought number two: I always find it funny that these ultra-conservative religious types seem to so intensely hate sexuality, their own actually, that they develop unhealthy obsessions:

Be mindful. The best butt love comes from a careful, consensual, gentle, loving, trusting relationship. You never, and I mean never, want to have your first explorations of the booty pleasures to come from a bunch of ex-cons who have been hired to kill you:

Alexyss Tylor, my love, the object of my affection, what do you have to say about booty love? I knew she would have some wisdom to offer! Alexyss shares her thoughts on the dangers of Chinese buffets, cruising, and booty love:

Part Two: Alexyss Tylor on the new trend of "down low" men cutting holes in their underwear to facilitate anonymous sex in public bathrooms:

Not on booty love per se, but funny nonetheless. Do not forget that laughter is one of the keys to great lovemaking. From Man and Wife TV:

Be safe, have fun, and have a little afternoon delight:

A respectable negro bonus: Heather Hunter, the first crush of most young respectable negroes born in the 1970s on Man and Wife TV--

Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Obama Dunk T-shirt: More Than Humiliation

Since I’m still in Thanksgiving leftover mode, I thought I’d take the chance to post this piece, which I’ve been tweaking since early September.


In general, I don’t care much for political T-shirts, and from the bootleg shirts on the corner to the Bro-bama shirts that fratboy douchebags and their hipster cousins love, I’d considered Obama shirts especially lame.

Then I spotted this brilliant Undrcrwn T-shirt, which features a seemingly routine caricature of Obama dunking on McCain. Spike Lee was wearing this shirt at the Democratic Convention in August. As is clear in the following video, he could barely contain his enthusiasm for the shirt.

Upon seeing the shirt on Spike, I had the same reaction. Since that day, I have been pondering why this shirt resonates with Spike, me, and so many other politically progressive basketball fans and negrophiles.

The Dunk:

In addition to being an amazing physical feat, Carter’s leapfrogging dunk over 7-foot 2 Frenchman Frederic Weis during the 2000 Sydney Olympics was an iconic moment: the ultimate manifestation of brazen, post-Jordan bluster.

The 2000 U.S. Basketball team was the last to win Gold prior to this year’s team. As with every one of the NBA-player led Olympic teams assembled after the Original 1992 Dream Team, the 2000 team was roundly criticized for its trash-talking and its lack of respect for opponents and the game of basketball. Traditional media types also slammed the 2000 Team for its failure to dominate, as exemplified by near losses to Lithuania and France. Despite the fact that many European fans and white American sportswriters accused the U.S. team of being "ugly Americans", the U.S. players left Sydney with Gold medals draped around their necks.

Many players, even the best, get smashed on. What Carter did to Weis, however, was arguably the greatest public basketball sonning ever (no disrespect to Shawn Kemp or Scottie Pippen). It’s not just that Carter’s actual dunk was incredible; it’s that Carter rendered Weis a public spectacle worthy of derision in the process. Most basketball fans scoffed at the suggestions that the W+K Nike ads were homophobic, but those who complained about the ads are right about one thing: getting a face full of nuts is widely considered the most humiliating fate a player can suffer on the court. Carter’s dunk proved that there is something even more humiliating: having your opponent clear you like an inconsequential hurdle.

Vince Carter and Obama: Respectable Negroes, “Bad Niggers”:

Vince Carter is a polarizing figure. He has a strong following among kids and highlight-centric fans, who elevate Carter’s style above all else. Yet, because he has a tendency to wilt in big games and is known for underachieving, Carter is frequently dismissed by basketball heads (myself included). For instance, in one of our email exchanges, freedarko’s Dr. Lawyer Indian Chief expressed concerns about the shirt linking Obama to Carter, given Carter’s poor reputation and failed promise.

Along with this legitimate criticism of Carter’s game, there has also been unjust criticism about Carter’s character. Carter is loathed by basketball purists, who insist that athletes “play the game the white right way.” Adherents of this view never miss an opportunity to complain about Carter’s lax attitude and his excessive celebration and preening. This criticism is often couched in language that evokes the “bad nigger” trope, e.g. “spoiled,” “punk,” “primadonna,” “ungrateful,” “disrespectful,” “quitter.”

When pressed, even Carter’s harshest critics would concede that he is a respectable negro outside of basketball. He bears none of the visual markers of black thuggery that have supposedly ruined the NBA: he has no visible tattoos and has never worn cornrows in public, and, more importantly, he has never been in trouble with the law. Carter hails from a two-parent middle-class household and is a committed father. He spent his high school years excelling at several sports as well as playing in the band. Though he left the University of North Carolina early, Carter eventually completed his degree in African American Studies. And to top it all off, he’s an Omega.

What’s more, Carter helped to promote a 12-year-old kid’s film about the importance of education for black males. When Carter decided to attend his graduation ceremony the day of an important playoff game 7 against the Sixers, he was criticized by the mainstream media and fans—yes, the same people who decry the cultural and academic failings of young black kids; the same people who lament the lack of famous black role models; the same people who believe that black celebrities and poor black people don’t value education.

The point is that Carter is the personification of black bougiedom. Only in our nation’s twisted racial logic is he a “bad nigger.” That critics would even go there is evidence that mainstream sports and political discourse has no language to reflect the nuance of black identity (any time Mike Tyson and young Muhammad Ali are lumped together, something is wrong).

Obama has been painted in these same broad, “bad nigger” tones, despite being the prototypical respectable negro in terms of education and achievement. This disconnect between borderline racist perceptions and reality, between each man’s public and private black identities, is why the Obama-Carter parallel works so well for me. Moreover, large numbers of black folks identify with Carter and Obama in part due to black people’s tendency to embrace the spirit of the “bad nigger” as a symbol of defiance in the face of white criticism (in public, however, black folks will refute the “bad nigger” characterization by pointing to the respectable negro private life of the accused).

The Shirt:

The first thing that stands out about the drawing is Obama’s big head. This image recalls the silly sports caricature shirts that just about every basketball fan owned about twenty years ago. Yet, unlike the caricatures on the 80s shirts, this Obama isn’t grinning goofily; he is wearing a solemn, presidential expression while looking off into the distance. Though Undrcrwn uses this same style to depict rappers and ballers, placing this style in a political context alters the meaning. So, while the tone of the shirt is playful, it also nods toward the gravity of Obama’s campaign.

Obama is not just striking Carter’s pose; he’s wearing Carter’s uniform, namely, that of the U.S. Basketball Team in 2000. Depicting Obama in basketball gear marks him as a baller; depicting him in the U.S. Olympic uniform marks him as a willing representative of the United States and a patriotic American according to the low bar set by mainstream, nationalist sports writers and fans (more on that later).

McCain, on the other hand, is depicted as no more than a suit…literally: his face isn’t shown, and he has to be identified by the name across his back. The fact that McCain is portrayed wearing a suit (with short pants no less!) singles him out him as an outsider, as one who doesn’t belong on the court—a notion supported by the fact that the “court” is Obama’s campaign logo.

The absence of a basketball court/hoop removes the dunk from its practical end: scoring. This has two important effects. First, it makes humiliating McCain an end in itself; and second, it gives the impression of a perpetual Obama ascent, suggesting his boundless future.

Obama’s caricature is palming a red, white, and blue ball. This ball was a signature of the American Basketball Association, the stylish, upstart 1970s professional basketball league that was often contrasted with the more traditional, stodgy NBA. The ABA eventually gained mainstream credibility and influence when the two leagues merged in 1976.

Given the dynamics of the 2008 presidential election—Obama, a young upstart vanquishing McCain, an old, out of touch insider—the ABA-NBA angle seems especially appropriate.

The heart of the shirt’s brilliance, however, lies in Undrcrwn’s decision to use American Carter’s dunk over the Frenchman Weis as the metaphor for the Obama vs. McCain contest. This choice represents a clever symbolic inversion that turns conservative stereotypes inside-out.

In popular conservative discourse, American conservative men are real men: brave, rational, and decisive. Conservatives always respect and honor national traditions and history and are unabashedly patriotic. By contrast, conservatives depict American liberal males are effete, spineless, unpatriotic losers. Aside from women, Europeans are the group conservatives most commonly associate with liberal men. Conservatives love to compare liberal American men to the French, in particular, owing not only to French men’s supposed lack of masculinity, but also to France’s anti-American attitudes and (unfair) reputation for surrendering during war.

By representing McCain as the ineffectual Frenchman Weis, the shirt turns the rhetorical tables on the “freedom fries” crowd, equating the Republican war hero with the hated French “cheese-eatin’ surrender monkeys” and even making the surrender explicit by having McCain wave a white flag. That leaves Obama, the liberal embodiment of multiculturalism, as the wearer of the “real, patriotic American” mantle. Such a reversal is a slap in the face to dyed-in-the-wool conservatives, which helps to explain their rage over the reality of an Obama presidency.


There should be no doubt that Undrcrwn made a deliberate choice to highlight the French connection. It’s certainly possible, though, that Undrcrwn didn’t think about the ABA ball beyond the fact that the red, white, and blue color scheme matched Obama’s uniform. And I’m almost positive that choosing Vince Carter as the model had nothing to do with Carter’s off-court respectability.

A young and virile Obama humiliating a disoriented, white-haired McCain on the basketball court is an apt metaphor for the generational clash borne out by the election. Humiliation is definitely a vital aspect of the shirt’s charm, but I see much more. To me, the shirt provides a visual representation of the layers of meaning bound up in the idea of Obama: Obama is simultaneously loved and hated; insider and outsider; respectful and brash; patriotic and rebellious; hero and anti-hero; respectable negro and “bad nigger.”

Because I see what I want to see in it, the shirt is a metaphor (meta-metaphor?) for President Obama.


1.) in the process of writing this, I came across several helpful pieces. Two in particular stand out: the Vince Carter entry in the new Freedarko book and blacksnob’s photo essay on the shirt.)

2.) I just realized that Undrcrwn also produces this Obama- as-Ali knocking out McCain-as-Sonny Liston shirt. Maybe I'll take another 3 months to write this one up.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Chauncey DeVega says: Not So Strange Bedfellows--of Middle School Slavery and College Blackface Parties

Last week, in a moment of enlightened and inspired teaching, a Social Studies teacher at Haverford Middle School in White Plains, New York decided to bind the hands and feet of two black students. She then placed these two young girls under a table in an effort to evoke the horrors of the Middle Passage. Quite predictably, this incident has been the focus of much outrage and anger. The parents of the two students are upset because their children were humiliated. The local chapter of the NAACP is urging action because this teacher's actions reek of racial insensitivity. Pundits, critics, and other observers are disturbed that the teacher has not been dismissed. Not surprisingly, to the school board and the teacher, what happened was a "simple misunderstanding."

In hindsight, the fact that a white teacher would feel empowered to bind the hands and feet of two black children in a reenactment of slavery is not surprising. Every year, at colleges and universities across the United States, we witness a predictable parade of "Crossing the Border," "Hip Hop Gangsta'," and "Ghetto Thuggin'" parties. In the latter two events, white college students perform a spectacle of "authentic" "blackness" where they don black face, drink from 40-ounce malt liquor bottles, and cathartically exercise, through a perverse type of wish fulfillment, their imagined understandings of "black" personhood—a range of humanity conveniently reduced to the stereotypical binaries of either being "ghetto," or "gangsta."

While at other events, these same often privileged and entitled white students crawl under barbed wire and "cross the border" to enter "Mexican" themed parties, where in costume these students drink tequila, dance to "Hispanic" music, and perform their own versions of brown face minstrelsy. Collectively, under the guise of celebration, these parties reflect the particular ugliness of a twisted white supremacy, mated with a deep racial bigotry. While the teacher at Haverford Middle School incident would reject any comparisons, she and the students who host and attend these nouveau minstrel parties share an important trait: a profound lack of empathy and sympathy for their fellow citizens, generally and for people of color, specifically.

As we reflect on these incidents, I would suggest that this collective lack of empathy and sympathy should be the primary focus of our shared offense (as opposed to some general sense of protest) because in an age of color-blind and ostensibly "post-racial" politics, racial inequality is given life through a politics of benign neglect and an unwillingness to relate in a deep and meaningful way to one's fellow citizens across the color line.

For example, the Social Studies teacher at Haverford Middle School who symbolically transformed her two students into chattel for the purposes of a teachable moment chose not to reflect on how her actions could damage the self-esteem and psychic well-being of the students in her class. She also chose not to ask herself how it would feel if her sons or daughters were placed in a similarly untenable situation. Likewise, the college students who participate in these 21st century minstrel parties also make a convenient choice that avoids critical self-reflection. Akin to the teacher above, the college students in question remain the subject. Accordingly, they do not imagine themselves as the object of these crude acts.

Because of their lack of empathy and sympathy, the parties to these incidents also shift responsibility to the victim. To them, the real evil is a hypersensitivity to racial offense on the part of the aggrieved parties. Predictably, this reversal will involve a common appeal to "playing the race card" where race and racial animus are injected into these incidents, as opposed to being present in the forefront as necessary and sufficient conditions. This transferal of responsibility to the victim, to the object of this bigoted behavior, is one of the primary ways that a lack of empathy and sympathy functions between individuals and across communities. In total, it immunizes individuals from responsibility and a sense of communal obligation.

As noted legal scholar Lani Guinier and others have argued, we need to move beyond a rationale where individuals see it as politically expedient to ignore the struggles and needs of their fellow citizens. Moreover, I would argue that to overcome the economic, social, and political challenges presently facing the United States we must, and in fact should, move beyond being strangers to one another. Ultimately, these trying times necessitate a sense of shared empathy and linked fate.

It is ironic that despite the poor judgment involved in the slavery reenactment at Haverford Middle School, this incident remains a teachable moment. Through forcing a reconsideration of our relationships to others, we can grow and ask ourselves, "What if those were my children? If so, how would I feel?" "If I were a child and treated so callously, what would be the effects on my emotions, heart, and mind?"

From this beginning, we can move forward to other questions: "How would I feel if those were my children struggling to achieve in a poor or under-resourced school?" "What would I do, if it were me, instead of my neighbor, who lost his or her job?" "How is the fight for a living wage, also a fight for my standard of living as well?" "What would I do if I were homeless? How would I help myself?" "Who would help me?" "How would I feel if the United States government prohibited me from loving and marrying whomever I so chose?" Some would likely object that power makes one immune to a sense of shared sympathy and empathy—that those who benefit from that en vogue, increasingly empty, catch-all phrase, "white privilege" cannot understand the racial Other. Maybe more generally, the powerful will not and cannot relate to the less powerful, the outsider. Indeed, perhaps we are in fact victims of historical myopia and are doomed by a limited capacity to empathize with our fellow citizens.

Certainly, we do not live in a post-racial moment where race no longer matters. Undoubtedly, race still does real work in structuring our life chances—and it will continue to do so long into, and after, Barack Obama's presidency. However, as Obama's victory demonstrated, economic self-interest trumped racial prejudice for some voters. If we are lucky, perhaps this "enlightened" self-interest will counter-intuitively push us closer to finding a set of collective solutions to shared problems.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Winner of the Marion Barry Award: Governor Blagojevich Arrested by FBI for Being a Damn Dirty (and Stupid) Politician

In a year when a number of high profile, formerly respectable negroes have been arrested for political corruption, it is nice to end 2008 with the biggest fool of them all-Mr. "Auction off Obama's Senate Seat" Rod Blagojevich. Bribes, a job for his wife, and assorted goodies--it seems the governor wanted it all. And as they say, if you are gonna go for the gusto, you got's to go all seemed that Rod was certainly listening.

In the grand tradition of Marion Barry, let's quickly highlight some of our favorite political scandals (the Teapot Dome scandal would have been on the list, but the 1920s was before the invention of Youtube and Wikipedia so it doesn't count--I must be hanging around my students too much):

Then mayor of Washington D.C., Marion Barry is caught using crack in a seedy hotel room with a prostitute. The surveillance video is great, but the in Living Color skit is even better:

William, "Cold Hard Cash" Jefferson, a congressman from Louisiana, is caught with 90 grand in his freezer. It seems he was going to bribe the Vice President of Nigeria--how random is that? Does one simply wake up one day and spontaneously decide to bribe an African leader, or is it something long thought out? Maybe, Jefferson wanted to buy into those "request for urgent business relationship" scam emails from Africa?

ABSCAM. I just love saying that word. During the early 1980s the FBI had an elaborate sting operation where they posed as Saudi oil barons who wanted to bribe some U.S. politicians. Featuring the one and only Fred Murtha:

The one and only Mayor of Love, Kwame Kilpatrick. Notice how the Billy D Williamsesque news commentator puts on his "cool" Mr. loverman voice to narrate the text messages:

Mr. Blagojevich we salute you! As the first recipient of the Marion Barry Award you have a high standard to live down to. As the details of your corrupt administration unfold over the coming days, we know that you will not disappoint us.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Chauncey DeVega's World of Ghetto Nerds: It is a Geek Renaissance--the Comic Book Series Fables to be Made Into a TV Series

What is going on in the world? It seems that the stars have aligned. In short order we have:

1. Batman: the Dark Knight may well receive an Oscar nomination;

2. World War Z is being made into a film--and the script is penned by J. Michael Straczynski;

3. the Wrestler to be released next week;

4. A bonified, unapologetic nerd who loves Conan and Spiderman as president-elect;

5. the New Caprica series has been green lighted by Sci-fi;

6. And now we have Fables, one of the greatest comics in recent memory being made into a tv series on ABC!

Who should play Bigsby wolf? Let the casting rumors begin...

What strange days we live in? What is next? Hmmmm.....maybe we can get a Walking Dead movie or tv series as well...then again maybe that is wishing for too much.

This is such a great announcement that it almost, notice I said almost, wipes the foul taste of what will be JJ Abrams's craptacular reimaging of Star Trek out of my mouth.

Ghetto nerds unite! Wonder Twin powers activate:

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Chauncey DeVega's World of Ghetto Nerds: Star Wars, Ralph McQuarrie and the Battlestar Galactica that Never Was

Some Sunday goodness.

A link to Aint it Cool News is de rigeur on this one. Apparently, Star Wars artist and legend of the graphic arts, Ralph McQuarrie was tasked with "imagining" Battlestar Galactica in the late 1970's. Isn't history full of lots of fun twists and turns as the artist most responsible for Star Wars was also tapped to do some conceptual drawings for its knockoff rival, the 1970's Battlestar Galactica?

I don't generally do photo essays, but this wonderful bit of random geek trivia, along with the New York Times piece on the new Battlestar Galactica Series--to be named "New Caprica"--demanded a departure from the norm.

Some classic McQuarrie:

Star Wars

I love this photo. The original Luke Skywalker, "Luke Starkiller" in action against the prototype Darth Vader. Also pay attention to (what would eventually become) some combination of Bespin and/or the interior of the Rebel blockade runner. Another important but minor detail--Luke is using the red lightsaber while Vader is using the blue lightsaber. This is an inversion of the color and light symbolism of the final films (blue and green represent the Jedi through life, growth, and learning; while red represents the Sith).

Classic: longing and destiny. Tatooine and a young man looking to his future and undeniable destiny. Simply a beautiful piece of work that truly conveys the scale of Lucas's vision.

One of my favorite aspects of McQuarrie's work, and of the book the Making of Star Wars: the Definitive Story Behind the Original Film, is how Star Wars evolved and grew from concept to final product. From Flash Gordon revisited we arrived at a grand space opera mixed with Saturday morning serial sensibilities. We can love, loathe, worship, or hate Lucas for his prequels, but there is no denying his wondrous creativity (and pragmatic mind). The Metropolis inspired, earlier renditions of the droids are another signaling to the science fiction, fantasy, and classic mythologies which are a rich source material for the Star Wars films.

Simply iconic. World War 2 dog fighting meets the space age.

This Galactica concept is very interesting. The early cylons certainly resemble the archetypal man meets machine model common to classic science fiction. Another clear carryover to the 1970s's series is the command center/elevated throne (?) that Baltar and the "Imperious Leader" would occupy in the original series.

McQuarrie was undoubtedly trying to satisfy his client's desire to be new, yet simultaneously evocative of the juggernaut that was Star Wars. But, this drawing could easily fit into both the Star Wars universe as well as Galactica's--moreover, this drawing almost looks like it could have found itself in the Star Wars prequels. Ultimately, the Viper is a great design in Battlestar Galactica, because like the X-Wing, it is familiar yet exotic. And most importantly, both designs suggest raw, brutal, speed.

McQuarrie is a master of scale. I imagine this comes from his background as an industrial and commercial concept/graphic artist. The prototype BaseStar pictured here is so ominous and powerful that is does not merely suggest raw power. Rather, it screams it. Here, I see the Death Star, and I know this suggestion is sacrilegious, I also see hints of the the Borg Cube. These designs "work" because they represent the perfection of function over style and aesthetics.

A Battlestar Galactica bookend:

Saturday, December 6, 2008

From Time Magazine: Laughter is Contagious--So Let's Spread Some Saturday Cheer

Respectable negroes love laughter--ultimately because sometimes one has to laugh to keep from crying. It seems our instincts have been right all along, as new research demonstrates the contagious and positive effects of humor. From Time Magazine:

Laugh and the World Laughs with You

by Alice Park

Ever wonder whether happy people have something you" don't, something that keeps them cheerful, chipper and able to see the good in everything? It turns out they do — they have happy friends.

That's the conclusion of researchers from Harvard and the University of California at San Diego, who report in the British Medical Journal online that happiness spreads among people like a salubrious disease. Dr. Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler studied nearly 5,000 people and their more than 50,000 social ties to family, friends and co-workers, and found that an individual's happiness is chiefly a collective affair, depending in large part on his or her friends' happiness — and the happiness of their friends' friends, and even the friends of their friends' friends. The merriment of one person, the researchers found, can ripple out and cause happiness in people up to three degrees away. So if you're happy, you increase the chance of joy in your close friend by 25%; a friend of that friend enjoys a 10% increased chance. And that friend's friend has a 5.6% higher chance...

The story continues here.


As a public service some things that always make us laugh:

Chapelle in Knee High Park:

Sanford and Son go to jail on a porno rap:

Family Guy, sex, and the nonsense that is abstinence and ear sex:

Chef from South Park's Chocolate Salty Balls:

The Three Stooges--Damn ghost:

Richard Pryor on the illusions we men folk have about our "manhood":

Cleaveon Little and the Black man's kryptonite from Blazing Saddles:

Laughter is good for the soul!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Chauncey DeVega says: Come One, Come All--Practice The Lies That You Will Tell Your Children About Your Role In Barack Obama's Victory

They say journalism is the first draft of history. If so, then our memories are the final and perhaps most important draft.

For example, my mother and grandmother have multiple "we were marching with Dr. King" Civil Rights Movement stories. In one version, and I mean that politely because these "versions" are actually carelessly crafted lies, my mother was out in the forefront at Selma. In one of my grandmother's stories, she (meaning herself) often stared down the Klan and gave shelter to freedom riders on the family farm in North Carolina. As I got older and started to ask specific questions the truth became apparent: my mom and grandmother were telling tall tales to both amuse me, as well as to make themselves seem grand in the eyes of history.

One day I provoked my mother into telling me the whole, unadulterated truth. Inevitably, it was anti-climactic. It seems that my mom thought King and "those marchers" were crazy for letting white people beat on them and for not fighting back. She was more of a Black Panther and Malcolm X supporter, but she didn't want to go to jail, thus her non-participation in the local chapter. Ultimately, she stayed home and rooted from the sidelines. Typical, free-riding, behavior that would make Dennis Chong proud. My grandmother, trickster and griot that she was, never did give up the true story.

The age of Obama will surely generate its own set of fantastical stories. What lies will we tell? How will we exaggerate our roles in history? What creative fictions will we massage into being for our children and grandchildren? What "memories" will we come to actually believe ourselves?

As a public service, We are Respectable Negroes would like to invite you to practice your creative versions of the truth. As always we will offer a "no-prize" for the most fantastic--yet believable--fiction about your role in Barack Obama's victory.

I will lead with some of my own myths in progress. They range from the delicate and subtle, to the gross. Remember, the bigger the lie, the more people are likely to believe it.

1. Oh yes kids, I used to get my hair cut at the same barbershop as Barack Obama and we would routinely talk about politics. In fact, I was one of his unofficial confidantes and advisers...some of his best ideas were actually borrowed from me.

2. Damn right! his political career started in my friend's living room. I was there and it was an amazing moment.

3. Barack asked me to go to Washington with him as a senior adviser, but your mother wouldn't let me because she didn't want to move to D.C.

4. Back then, I was running a political website on what was called "the Internet" and we were instrumental in getting Barack Obama elected as president. We were lockstep with his campaign and Barack told me in private that he couldn't have won without my support.

Shall we begin? And remember, lying is a skill that is refined through practice.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Behold Our Patron Saint: The Truth is Now Known--Ol' Dirty Bastard's Biography Now Available for All Disciples of Shaolin

The late, great Wu-Tang clan member Ol' Dirty Bastard was a genius. He is also one of this site's patron saints (see my first post written for this blog). Now, he is the subject of a new book. I am excited because Dirt Dog/Big Baby Jesus/O.D.B. is most deserving of this honor. I am emboldened because if Ol' Dirty merits a book, I certainly am inspired to finish mine.

As a primer, let's take a walk down memory lane with the always inspiring, inspirational, and wondrous mind and personality that was Russell Jones (of note: NPR had a feature on Wu-Tang and an upcoming documentary on their origins, rise, and fall that can be found here) .

Random thought: doesn't Ol'Dirty sound a bit like Noam Chomsky mixed with Foucault, Homi Bhaba, and Slavoj Zizek?

Ol' Dirty Bastard cashing his welfare check while being interviewed by MTV (this was back when MTV actually showed music videos):

Old Dirty, drunk, high, and sharing his musings on life , the origins of hip hop culture, and the nature of the universe while on Yo! MTV Raps:

Wu-Tang is for the children!

Ol' Dirty Bastard on lovemaking and peppermint patties:

R.I.P. Old Dirty...

Random Goodness--I Don't Know How We Missed Dick Gregory Talking About Bill Clinton and Barack Obama

We're a little late to the party with these two Youtube discoveries, but what the hell.

Dick Gregory is a national treasure:

From CNN: Is Bill Clinton the first Black president?

I don't know whether to laugh or to be a bit disturbed. One can only cringe as we imagine some of the inane questions that are inevitably going to be asked at President Obama's press conferences.

And you know what would have been comedy gold? If Obama turned to Hillary and said, "We would have to ask Hillary that question."

You got's to love these internets...

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

For Heroes of Mumbai, Terror Was a Call to Action: Now That is Some Respectable Negro Behavior!

History is often made by regular people doing the right, dangerous, and inconvenient thing. In that spirit, we respectable negroes salute you our Indian brothers and sisters because courage under fire is to be revered. You have earned honor for your deeds.


From the New York Times:

For Heroes of Mumbai, Terror Was a Call to Action

MUMBAI, India — On any ordinary day, Vishnu Datta Ram Zende used the public-address system at Mumbai’s largest railway station to direct busy hordes of travelers to their trains.

But last Wednesday just before 10 p.m., when he heard a loud explosion and saw people running across the platform, he gripped his microphone and calmly directed a panicked crowd toward the safest exit. The station, Victoria Terminus, it turned out, was suddenly under attack, the beginning of a three-day siege by a handful of young, heavily armed gunmen.

“Walk to the back and leave the station through Gate No. 1,” he chanted alternately in Hindi and Marathi, barely stopping to take a breath until the platform was cleared. No sooner, gunmen located his announcement booth and fired, puncturing one of the windows. Mr. Zende was not hurt.

Overnight, Mr. Zende became one of Mumbai’s new heroes, their humanity all the more striking in the face of the inhumanity of the gunmen. As the city faced one of the most horrific terrorist attacks in the nation’s history, many ordinary citizens like Mr. Zende, 37, displayed extraordinary grace.

Many times, they did so at considerable personal risk, performing acts of heroism that were not part of their job descriptions. Without their quick thinking and common sense, the toll of the attacks would most likely have been even greater than the 173 confirmed dead on Monday...

The story continues here.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Chauncey DeVega says: Slaves Helped to Build the White House....What a Surprise! or Obvious Discovery, Non-News Story of the Week

Insert drum roll...CNN has discovered that the White House was built by slaves.

An excerpt of the story follows:

Slaves helped build White House, U.S. Capitol

-- In January, President-elect Barack Obama and his family will make history, becoming the first African-American first family to move into the White House -- a house with a history of slavery. In fact, the legacy of American presidents owning slaves goes all the way back to George Washington.

Twelve American presidents owned slaves and eight of them, starting with Washington, owned slaves while they lived in the White House. Almost from the very start, slaves were a common sight in the executive mansion. A list of construction workers building the White House in 1795 includes five slaves - named Tom, Peter, Ben, Harry and Daniel -- all put to work as carpenters. Other slaves worked as masons in the government quarries, cutting the stone for early government buildings, including the White House and U.S. Capitol. According to records kept by the White House Historical Association, slaves often worked seven days a week -- even in the hot and humid Washington summers...

The story continues here.


I love these "discoveries" about America's long history and love affair with racism and white supremacy. The fact of history in the U.S. (and globally) was that slavery and freedom existed in a dualistic relationship. In many ways the "problem" of the White citizen was that freedom was treated as a finite and limited good, one that had to be protected as the exclusive province of white, propertied men. To extend freedom to all, was in the minds of the white rabble, to somehow diminish and tarnish it. Free labor was distinguished from "slave" labor. Freedman were distinguished from their enslaved brothers and sisters. Citizenship by law, letter, and spirit was exclusive rather than inclusive. In reflecting on these realities, the struggle to improve democracy cannot be simplified as one merely to make America true to her creed, because exclusion was always at the heart of what was in many ways a radically democratic experiment. In fact, I would go so far as to argue that historically, the real struggle has been to take the seeds of what is a radically democratic potential, and to force America to live up to it.

As folks smarter than me have said, the United States was, and in many ways remains, a herrenvolk republic. At the risk of overstatement, with the potential for a new racial maturity as offered by Barack Obama's election, perhaps we can face this truth head-on and struggle to transcend it.

Ultimately, CNN's" discovery" of slavery in the heart of the republic (and trust there will be many more "discoveries" to come in these next four years--for example, see this wonderful radio program on the largest recorded mass slave escape in the U.S.) is an example of one of the real benefits and windfalls of Obama's election to the presidency. Perhaps, if we are lucky, Americans will take the moment of Obama's presidency to have a real dialogue about race and its meaning in American life. If we are really fortunate, this conversation will go beyond the tired tropes of white liberal guilt, feigned colorblindness, white racial resentment, benign neglect, black anger, black denial, and black rage. In total, what are a set of feelings which speak to a shared sense of reasonable frustration at the intractability of America's "race problem."

Notice, I am not suggesting that these feelings are illegitimate. Rather, I am suggesting that these frameworks have created a tired and moribund discourse surrounding the changing same that is race in America. And in an increasingly "diverse" present, Americans are being forced to face an increasingly complex racial terrain as we move beyond the black and white binary. Moreover, as the future creeps towards us, the Civil Rights, Generation X, Generation Y, and the Hip Hop Generation will have to come to terms with the rise of a generation to be known as the "Obama Kids," that cohort which will have grown up in a world where they have never known an America without a Black president. The worldview of the Obama Kids, and how they understand race as a social force and lived reality will (rightly or wrongly) be radically different from those generations which preceded them.

This discovery of black humanity and personhood in the literal and symbolic heart of American democracy has prompted me to think about about those brothers and sisters, those "troublemakers" who, often maligned as inconvenient and outside the mainstream, shared their "radical" histories of America through books, pamphlets, and speeches with whoever would listen. In Harlem, at small bookstores and cooperatives in Los Angeles and Chicago, these Third World Presses and Afrocentric scholars (folks like Ivan Van Sertima; Dr. Ben; Na'im Akbar; Haki Madhubuti; Dr. Diop; and Ron Karenga, etc.) were often dismissed as quacks or intellectual lightweights by scholars and the general public--black, white, and brown alike.

Folks didn't want to hear about America before the Pilgrims. Some turned their noses up at the thought of Africans in the New World before Columbus. Others, perhaps ashamed at the long history of inter-racial intimacy between slave and free, between black and white, bristled at the thought of American icons and presidents being linked by blood to their human chattel. Who would want to talk about the powerfully symbolic historical irony that slaves were sold at the foot of Wall Street?--human property representing a vast investment being auctioned off at what would eventually become the heart of America's financial empire. Why would anyone in this day an age fight to preserve a recently discovered mass burial site of 20,ooo slaves in the heart of New York, the then slave capital of the North? To the dismissive, those radical historians and activists are just anachronisms, out of touch with America of the present.

And you know? I must wonder with CNN's belated discovery of Black humanity, both free and bonded, in the White House and Washington D.C., if these radical historians will get a long overdue apology? Who knows? maybe they will even get an invitation to the White House. If they don't get that long overdue invitation, at least they can rest well knowing that knowledge is indeed power, and that their history may become our future.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Gordon Gartrelle Says: I got the Itis

I want to apologize to our readers for my extended absence. Every day Chauncey has been begging me to write something to balance out his…um, unique voice. I’ve been telling him that I’ve been busy with work and travel. In truth, even before November 4th, I’ve been suffering from a mystery affliction that’s sapping my desire to write about politics.

Consider the following juicy stories that I’ve ignored recently:

McCain’s “B” Girl hate crime hoax and white victimology.

White liberals laying Prop 8’s success at the feet of black (and Latino) voters.

This website and black satire.

Two months ago, I would have been all over these. Now, I’m just not moved.

The symptoms of my affliction include:

Apolitical tendencies
General malaise

Diagnosis: The Obama itis/ Post-election fever

Does anyone else have it?

What is the cure?

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Some Sunday Post-Thanksgiving Travel Goodness: Sex 2k Furries and Plushies

The other day I shared my love of Richard Bey. Today I share my love of plushies and furries--and no, I am not a plushy or furry--but this MTV special is one of the greatest things to ever air on the old television. Things to watch for: The confused mother who desperately tries to understand her son's "lifestyle" choice; the careful attention to detail in the costumes; the utter sadness/happiness of finding others who also share the furry/plushy value system.

One random thought. I did my cursory survey for black and brown folk in these videos and thankfully found none. But not to hate, I am sure there is an Asian brother somewhere in this video because many folks be into such things.

Clip 1:

Clip 2:

Clip 3:

Now, in the interest of openness and transparency I have to ask myself, Who would I be if I were a furry? Upon reflection, I think my top choices would be Chewbacca, a Snork, or Ookla the Mok. These characters would most certainly capture my inner beast.

Grrr I am a bear. Just had to say it:

Other questions to ponder:

1. What is the formative furry experience? Was it a childhood trauma? Or was it a childhood love affair with a teddy bear or other stuffed animal a la Stewie and Rupert on Family Guy?

2. How many children staying at the hotel during the convention will forever remember this weekend as the one during which they were traumatized by the site of furries getting it on in the elevator?

3. Isn't it damn hot in those suits? Wouldn't that inhibit the lovemaking?

4. Is there an equivalent group to PFLAG? Is there a Parents and Friends of Plushies and Furries support group out there?

5. If one were to be a respectable negro plushy or furry, what character should one choose to be?

6. And the biggest question of them all: who would win if the furries were to compete against the Klingons in a bowling tournament?

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Thanksgiving Day Laughs: Behold the Great Richard Bey Show

On a day that is heavy with the tragic news of terrorist attacks in India, we all need a good laugh. Random thought: in looking at the still photos of some of the terrorists that have been shown on CNN, am I the only one who thought some of them looked European? There were rumors of Al-Qaeda spreading to the caucuses, could these terrorists include volunteers from Chechnya?

I am a connoisseur of trash television. Richard Bey, was one of the best television hosts of the 1990's. He was extremely smart, self-aware, and was "Maury Povich" before Maury Povich, that P.T. Barnum of fat babies and baby daddies, figured out his now winning formula for ever watchable daytime television. Richard Bey was also a bit crazy and paranoid as he would later argue that an elaborate conspiracy backed by the Clintons was responsible for the demise of his television show. If I get the money together one day, I will make a Confessions of a Dangerous Mind inspired docudrama about Richard Bey as he certainly deserves one.

Here are some choice clips.

The legendary Mr. Puniverse and Miss Thunderthighs competition:

I was used for sex! Damn, I wish someone would use me...over, and over, and over again:

Ohh, those long fingernails:

And those ginormous tig bitties (I love that phrase by the way):

And of course the wheel of torture:

Now, I can smile and relax.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

From CNN: Black Comics Speak on Barack Obama

A quickie.

Stanley Crouch Smears Malcolm X: Congratulations Mr. Crouch! With this Act You Have Now Earned a Shit-huffer Award

Stanley Crouch is an odd figure. He is extremely intelligent, a talented wordsmith, and in many ways a free thinker. Oddly, Mr. Crouch's piece, "Where does Barack Obama stand on terrorism? X marks the spot" in the New York Daily News (populist, right wing, quasi-tabloid that it is) seems to distance himself from the relatively high standards of thought and reflection that Mr. Crouch has demonstrated in the past.

In this piece of claptrap, Mr. Crouch soundly separates Malcolm X from the successes and struggles that laid the foundation for Barack Obama's victory. In Mr. Crouch's eyes, Malcolm X is an anomaly of history, an outlier in the Black Freedom Struggle, a charlatan, a race huckster and a racial privateer.

In essence, Malcolm X represents the losing side of history. For Mr. Crouch, Malcolm X represents all that is wrong with those "radicals" and "nationalists" who led a failed struggle for black "separatism." And rather than be the fruit of those struggles, Barack Obama's triumph is the living repudiation of a belief that America is not a shining beacon on the hill--a slightly less than perfect democracy.

Yes, I am all for ideological diversity as there isn't one orthodoxy of approved Black thought to which we must all be beholden. However, the one rubric that we should all follow is a commitment to ethical truth, to moral truth, and to intellectual truth. We respectable negroes take this as our shining beacon: we too sometimes do not achieve these lofty heights, but we must always strive for them. In fact, those readers who have been here from the beginning know that we attack ignorance and stupidity wherever (and from whomever) we may find it. This is why Mr. Crouch is the third recipient of the We Are Respectable Negroes Shit-huffing Award for Stupidity Above and Beyond the Call of Duty or Reason.

Mr. Crouch, in his analysis of Malcolm X and his role in America's--notice I said America and not exclusively Black America's--struggle to live up to its creed and promise of democracy has committed errors in interpretation and context.

On the first point, Malcolm X was a deeply reflective critic of White supremacy, but he was also amazingly astute in his understanding of the damage done to black Americans by racism:

Malcolm was not a hate espousing demagogue as Mr. Crouch and others want to cast him, he was a critic who challenged Black Americans to do for themselves, to achieve full rights as human beings, and to demand that our rights as full citizens be acknowledged by the State.

Mr. Crouch's error of context is a failure to understand that Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr., and by extension, the different approaches to Black liberation they embodied, were flip sides of the same coin. They complemented each other. They pushed each other forward. They as nationalists and radical humanists both represent the best part of the struggle for fully inclusive and expansive human rights in this country. They, Brother Martin and Brother Malcolm, were more alike than different...and in many ways they were both fierce patriots and iconoclasts in the best American tradition. Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr. were not static figures. Rather, they were changing and dynamic. It is a failure to understand this range of thinking, reflection, and critical inquiry that underlies Mr. Crouch's deep misunderstanding of the historical context in which Malcolm X struggled.

Without Martin Luther King Jr. there would be no Barack Obama.

Without Malcolm X there would be no Barack Obama.

Malcolm X had a deep love for his people. He loved Black people even when many of them did not love themselves. Malcolm continued to love us even when some would rather see him dead:

This type of personal integrity, honor, and self-sacrifice is why so many of us, what Crouch basically calls, "out of touch academics" feel beholden to Malcolm X's legacy. Ultimately, Stanley Crouch has always tried to be the "special"one. Crouch has disdain for hip hop music and culture, he desperately yearns to be a gatekeeper for black arts and culture, and willingly takes unfashionable positions in order to get attention--a thrilling second of the limelight he "deserves" as a Black public intellectual.

I have had strong words for Mr. Crouch in the past. I have suggested that his visage would make for an ideal Halloween mask. I have even playfully joked that he looks like a Sambo crossed with Grimace from McDonald's. Today, Mr. Crouch is simply a shit-huffer--nothing more and nothing less.

Mr. Crouch, We Respectable Negroes congratulate you on this most auspicious achievement.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Chauncey DeVega's World of Ghetto Nerds: Battlestar Galactica's Season 4.5 Trailer is Finally Here!

How will Battlestar Galactica end? I cannot wait until January to see how the best show on television marches into the night...

2 choice clips.

One: Adama's speech before the rescue on New Caprica--

Two: Adama's jump into New Caprica's atmosphere--

I vote this sequence one of the greats in science fiction television history. BSG's rescue on New Caprica storyline is so epic, that I would go far as to suggest that it is on par with Earth Force's assault on Babylon 5 during the Earth Civil War/Shadow War. Sorry, just geeking out...

But you have to admit that Sheridan was the man!

Monday, November 24, 2008

What to do in the Age of Obama? A Letter to a Young Race Man, A Letter to a Young Race Woman

"Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in."

Never, has a phrase been so appropriate.

According to the Associated Press and the Southern Poverty Law Center, with Barack Obama's ascendancy to the White House there has come an inevitable and predictable backlash of racial hostility.

The sentiment against Barack Obama's victory--the fear, angst, and hate--points to the permanency of racism in this country. These deep rooted and familiar sentiments are what some have called "the changing same" of American history and culture. While social and political circumstances may be radically altered, these constructs remain veritable bogeymen. They are heavy, dark shadows that cloud our society’s present vision and future possibilities. Ironically, we reference progress and change against these forces, while they simultaneously hang heavy over our efforts to move forward.

I struggle to find the words to explain this moment, or to give advice as I think about Obama's victory and its repercussions for our society. To use a metaphor, race and racism are sound, strong, and lasting houses that remain fixed as reference points which structure the lived realities of race in America. Some will shiver at this statement, but I have always (and will) continue to say that race, as both a reality and fiction, is perpetuated as much because it has meaning for White Americans, as for how it offers a deep and striking familiarity and comfort for people of color.

I also suggest that in the moment of Barack Obama's presidency, we as young race men and young race women must broaden the lens that we use to critically engage the world. For better or for worse, we cannot exclusively appeal to a logic of exclusion: the fact that a Black man is now president will defuse explanations that seek to make sense of the limitations on our collective life chances by appealing to White racism. Sorry, those arguments will likely not work in the post-Obama moment. Notice, I did not say that White racism would no longer continue to affect our post November 4, 2008 world. Such a claim would be silly, asinine, thin, trite, and untrue. However, if the Black freedom struggle is a war, a battle, an encounter of position, we must acknowledge the shift in the battlefield that has occurred under our feet.

Young race men and young race women, as you grow intellectually, and as we all shift and broaden our awareness of what exactly this post-racial world means for us collectively, we must move beyond the given that Black Americans have a set of clear and obvious justice claims on American society generally, and on white Americans, in particular. We must ask ourselves, how do we respond to the "go to," in sports terms, the play of necessity, i.e. the hail Mary, or the rush down the middle when we are 4th and 1 on the goal line? In keeping with sports as a metaphor, in this moment a permanent claim to outsider status may not work, resonate, or score the points that we need to secure a win.

Ask yourself, how can Black Americans say that we are excluded from full citizenship when someone, a man who shares the color of our skin is president of these United States of America? Do not run from this question. Instead, run towards it because in working through an answer you will gain strength and clarity of mind and purpose.

You see, we young race men and young race women, those of us who reflect deeply on these questions, will always matter. Yes, this is a bold statement. Nevertheless, I argue, and am confident in the fact, that we will always be relevant. We are the conscience of those who suffer under the injustices of societies that are structured around racial inequality and racial dominance. We tell the truth when others do not want to hear it. We will always have a special burden to speak truth to power. We, those young race men and young race women who are true to the creed, will always bear the burden of this choice. The language and reference points that speak to our shared realities (in this moment, are they really in fact shared?) may have changed around us with Barack Obama's victory. However, we have a gifted insight. We have struggled towards a certain and particular awareness. This forward progress in our freedom struggle stands on the shoulders of our ancestors. We have little choice but to draw on them for strength.

Please, and do not for a moment, think that your insight does not still have purchase in this new world. The best of us are always a step ahead. Our role, in the face of the inevitable bigotry and hatred that Barack Obama will face, is to meet, and to neutralize, this hostility. We as young race men and young race women will not always be able to defuse this irrational anger and distrust. As history demonstrates, we will often be met by deaf ears. However, history also tells us that the grand narrative, the force of history—as made real by Barack Obama’s victory—is on our side. Our role is to intervene when America loses her way:

We are the miner's canary.

We have an obligation to shock American back to her senses when she loses her way, contrives unreasonable expectations, and places her first Black president in untenable situations.

We, you young race men and young race women, have never been more relevant. We have worked in the service of all peoples in these United States as a force for collective progress. Young race men and young race men, we must embrace this past, present, and future, as we move towards a “post-racial” America. To anticipate your objection: Yes, I would be lying if I stated that I believe that things are certain in this moment, or that our future is clear:

To us, the world made sense in a different way prior to November 4th. Now, the world still makes sense, just differently.

We must pursue this truth however problematic or difficult it may be. For young race men and young race women, this "new" America is our undiscovered country. The rules have changed, but the problem remains the same. The answer may have changed, but the question remains the same. Ultimately, we, you, and us, are in a unique position to solve the riddle offered by a post-racial present and future.