Thursday, July 10, 2008
Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome, Obama's Nuts, and Jesse's Pain: An Exclusive Interview with Jesse Jackson
We Are Respectable Negroes News Network (WARNNN): Hello, Reverend Jackson, we appreciate your agreeing to this exclusive interview.
Jesse Jackson (JJ): Yes, thank you, it is a pleasure to be here.
WARNNN: You have been at the center of a whirlwind these last few days following your comments on Fox News where you stated that Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama should "stop talking down to Black people," and that you want to "cut his nuts off." Can you please share with our readers the context of these comments? Why would you say such a thing? And how have you been feeling these last few days following the incident?
JJ: Well, first of all, I would like to apologize for my comments. I did not mean any harm. They were indeed mean-spirited, untimely, and a mistake. You know, we are all deeply flawed creatures and no man or woman is above admitting guilt. Only God is perfect, and I know I am not. Second, what I meant to actually say was that faith based initiatives are not an adequate solution to the structural problems of inter-generational poverty, white supremacy, and racism--factors which still explain the problems in the black community...I would really like Barack to focus more on those issues. I have been a supporter of Barack for many years. I know him and his wife and children. I actually care a great deal for him as a person and perhaps I stepped over the line because of how close we are.
WARNNN: Some have wondered if your comments directed at Obama are rooted in some type of bitterness or anger towards Obama's success as a presidential candidate? Are you "hating" on Barack at all? Is this some type of "player hating" on the part of the old guard Civil Rights leadership towards younger black politicians?
JJ: No, no, no. No player hating here! Let the waters fall from the mountaintop as we celebrate Obama's success. This has been a long struggle and Obama is part of a legacy that goes through me, Shirley Chisholm, A. Phillip Randolph, Malcolm X, and of course Dr. King and all the other black freedom fighters who worked to make American democracy the fulfillment of a prophetic vision.
WARNNN: Back to your comments about Barack Obama's testicles. Don't you think your comments were tasteless? And why his "nuts?" Wouldn't you have been one of the first voices to clamor for the public censoring of a white politician if he wanted to castrate a leading black public official?
JJ: Now, we know context matters. If a white politician wanted to castrate a black man there is a whole historical legacy of slavery and lynching there, and he or she would know better than to make such an allusion. I am not a hypocrite, this is a deeply personal issue for me and I am really saddened by everything [begins sobbing].
WARNNN: Are you okay Reverend Jackson? Why are you crying?
JJ: This is so hard you know? I have held the movement on my shoulders for so long. I was there with Martin. You have seen the picture right? I felt like when I held Martin as he laid dying that the mantle was passed to me [still sobbing].
WARNNN: Please tell us more.
JJ: I, just, I am exhausted is all. I have fought against white supremacy for so long. So many marches and struggles. So much loss and pain. I have had this burden for so long and I am just spent. And you know? I have never told anyone this, through all of my efforts to help black folk I have begun to see that we are our own worst enemies. There I said it...back in the 1990s when I said that I was scared when I saw a young black man walking towards me, I really meant it.
WARNNN: Are you serious Reverend? Would you like a break?
JJ: No, no, please don't stop me.
WARNNN: Okay. So you hate black people? Then why have you worked for so long to help the black community.
JJ: It isn't that at all. I love black people, I just have come to realize that I have internalized white racism. I have to make a confession because it is through bearing ourselves that we are made strong in the eyes of God, I have been in therapy for several years. And my comments about Barack were a result of Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome.
WARNNN: We are familiar with PTSS, but please explain it to our readers.
JJ: You see slavery and its after effects have damaged black people in a profound way. Jim Crow, segregation, racial violence, Ronald Reagan, Hurricane Katrina, we are damaged by all of this hate and this hurt was never dealt with. Like many others I have internalized this pain. And this psychosis has made me fixate on what I believe is the greatest threat against our people: the black man's nuts.
WARNNN: Jesse, are you saying that you want to get rid of black men's "nuts" in order to save the black community from itself?
JJ: Yes, think about it. White people are afraid of our sexual potency, the life energy in our nuts. When I said that I was afraid of the brothers on the street that is what I was afraid of--the energy in their nuts. Plus, think about it, all the social dysfunction and chaos among the black poor, lots of it is caused by these young brothers being cum droppers. They just go around making babies and laying with women. They can't help it because it's their nuts that is behind all of this madness.
WARNNN: What about your behavior? Your affairs? The love children that you have with your mistresses? Is that because of your out of control testicles? Do your chocolate, salty balls rule your life?
JJ: Yes, now you understand. I don't want to cut off just Obama's nuts. I want to cut mine off as well. Even Bill Cosby, he has baby mama drama too--the most upright among us can't resist the urges in our nuts. If we cut them off we will be better as a people. R. Kelly, our most gifted artist, he was almost brought down by his nuts. And my weaknesses for the flesh have caused me so much pain [sobbing again].
JJ: The ways I have been made fun of. Did you know that people have made Christmas cards with my likeness which mocked the control that my nuts have over my life? Hell, someone even made a poster for a gay phone sex line that featured my image and the slogan for Operation Push. It just hurts so much. I am so weak, I just want to cut them off.
WARNNN: But then, how will we reproduce?
JJ: We will figure it out. Did you ever see that beautiful queen Alexyss Tylor on youtube? She talks a lot about the life force in our nuts. She understands what I am talking about:
And I feel so ugly inside and out. During all this mess, I had the occasion to look in a mirror and I realized just how unattractive I really am.
WARNNN: You do bare a striking resemblance to a character from the Star Wars films, the one who was flying the Millennium Falcon with Lando in Return of the Jedi:
JJ: I know I do, his name is Nien Numb. I have been getting hate mail for years with his picture attached to them.
WRNNN: Any closing thoughts? Are you getting help for your Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome Reverend Jackson?
JJ: Yes, I am. It is a long road to healing. I just hate my nuts and want them removed because they have caused me so much pain. I just had a moment of weakness--the doctors call it transference--where I put my pain onto Barack is all. I don't want to cut his nuts off, I really just want to cut off my own. I am so sorry, I am just so very confused. Please forgive me [sobbing].
Remember when the OJ chase interrupted the NBA playoffs? In an eerily reminiscent fashion, it seems that Jesse Jackson wants to cut Obama's nuts off. In the darkest recesses of our minds we couldn't have imagined this wonderful news gem. Accordingly, we are quite reluctantly forced to preempt hip hop week. Rest assured, we will return to it shortly. But, coming up later today, we will have an exclusive interview with Jesse Jackson in which Jesse discusses his comments towards Obama, and reveals to the world his shocking, long held, and deep feelings towards Obama's testicles.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Public Enemy move into the realm of sonic genius due to their innovative approach to dissonance; piss off even more white parents with their militant, anti-white politics
MF Doom releases Operation: Doomsday, a creative masterwork blending 80s easy listening R& B, monster movies, and cartoons. And he does it all while donning a metal mask as part of his character’s back story. He’s essentially doing ghetto performance art!
Jay-Z declares himself the greatest rapper alive; draws parallels between the corner drug dealer and the corporate maven; transcends the ghetto niche with witty lyrics and pop beats.
Outkast channels Funkadelic and broadens hip hop’s palette: they’re from the South, one of them dresses funny, they experiment with electronic music
Record labels Def Jux, Anticon move hip hop out of the ghetto, expanding boundaries by making cerebral hip hop that’s more like indie rock in its approach
Buzz builds around 50 Cent, a NY rapper who embodies primal black aggression and sexuality; plus, he was really shot 9 times. How authentic!
Caushun, the first openly gay rapper, starts getting national publicity
Def Jux, Anticon become too white and corny; not in touch with what’s going on with real people
For the first time in hip hop’s history, Kanye West presents a complex black persona--no longer do rappers have to be either thugs or preachy conscious artists.
Critics in the know realize that Camron and Dipset are Dadaist geniuses.
Dangermouse hits the postmodern critical jackpot by blending the music from The Beatles’ White Album with the vocals from Jay Z’s Black Album to make The Grey Album
Wu Tang is back! Well, Ghostface is, at least
Common is the antichrist: he dresses strangely and panders to a pseudo-intellectual, racially insecure fan base
The Streets, MIA, Dizzee Rascal wow music fans. The UK is the future of hip hop
MF Doom, Dangermouse become corporate shills and drop a shitty album for Cartoon Network
Lil Wayne, The Clipse deliver the 2 greatest mixtapes ever (of the 3 we’ve heard)
Lil Wayne drops The Carter II, which instantly becomes the greatest rap album ever
UGK puts Texas rap on the map
Several great rappers emerge from New Orleans, Miami, Houston, Memphis. The American South is the new UK!
It’s officially OK for white people to say “nigga” as long as they’re ironic and not really racist
With Kingdom Come, Jay-Z abandons the “realness” of the hood and becomes an elitist corporate shill. He starts to suck
By declaring hip hop dead, Nas snatches the hip hop antichrist mantle from Common
A record number of black people (5) show up to the Pitchfork Music Festival. They are cordial and honor most people’s requests to take pictures with them.
The Cool Kids bring a fresh, retro approach to a stagnant hip hop landscape
Unfortunately, Caushun revealed to be a hoax
Race, gender, region, skill, access to equipment no longer barriers to rap success; knowledge of rap no longer a barrier to writing hip hop music criticism. Hip hop finally becomes the embodiment of the democratic ideal!
Monday, July 7, 2008
So rather than look at these professional pictures of the day from our local big city fancy paper (lies and propaganda! all of it!), please join me on my journey as I bring you only those facts which are fit to tell.
Exhibit Number One: All that Ails the Captive Black Nation in America can be Cured at the African Caribbean Festival:
The black community is afflicted, literally and symbolically by gas, bloating, constipation, and stress. If we all had a communal drink of this wonder elixir our problems would be fixed tomorrow and we would be happy, healthy, and wise.
Exhibit Number Two: Obama! Obama! Obama!..T Shirts for Sale
I do hope Obama gets some residuals because his face is everywhere and is on everything. The festival was a great example of "politics as popular culture" because in every badly sung bit of music there was an Obama mention. For example: Badly sung Caribbean fake Patois Lyric (insert Obama) Badly sung Caribbean fake Patois Lyric (insert Obama) Man jumps around stage like Buju Banton or Shabba Ranks circa 1994 (insert Obama) (insert blast horn/air raid siren noise) repeat indefinitely. And by the way, the Chi-lites performed and they looked like a wax museum brought to life--except the wax statues continued to age while they were in the museum.
The stakes are high folks. I actually risked my safety to bring you this photo as the vendor confronted me about "stealing his intellectual property," and that "I should buy a T Shirt rather than documenting my day." I didn't have the heart to tell him that he was selling bootlegged, counterfeit T-Shirts himself...he was old and angry, so in the interest of peace I simply moved along.
Exhibit Number Three: It is Sexy Time
Exhibit Number Four: It is Thelma from Good Times
Exhibit Number Five: Guns, Money and the Bible?
Exhibit Number Six: The Queen Mother of the World
This is more like it. Did you know the black woman, a woman in Africa, was the first modern human--the queen mother of all? Did you know that the black woman is a queen? Did you know the first person to ever have a thought was a black person? I bet you didn't? Why? Because hip hop has poisoned your mind through its negative depictions of black women. As a corrective, I suggest you go to the African Caribbean festival (or your local AfroCentric bookstore, flea market, or Marshall's department store) and heal your mind and body by purchasing, studying and reflecting on the spiritual uplift provided by "positive" black artwork.
Exhibit Number Seven: Black Man and Black Woman We are Bonded to Each Other!
Exhibit Number Eight: Black Man and Black Woman We are Carved from Each Other
Exhibit Number Nine: The White Man won't Let Us have Our Day
Blacktown. net please empower me against this assault:
Regardless of the way the day ended, it was still wonderful to be out and about with my people. It was a wonderful day of multicultural fun (Gordon do you get the hint?). I feel rejuvenated in my blackness and I am now ready to struggle on.
What brilliant left bloggers like Field and Greenwald have been saying about left ideology and policy is unsettling. Obama, many on the left argue, is pandering to the right with a series of public policy positions over the last couple of weeks. The assertion that Obama is strategically moving to the right or the center has gone largely unchallenged in the mainstream media. No big surprise there. That few in the popular blogosphere (which is said to foster a higher level of political discourse) have challenged the supposed “Obama is moving to the center” truism is more serious—it highlights one of the major problems with self-identified “liberals”: they are driven by uncritical attachment to ideological orthodoxy, so, in effect, they are not considerably different from the conservatives they loathe.
Just to be clear: I agree that Obama is trying to preemptively combat the right’s ridiculous charges that he’s a radical liberal. These left critics have every right to call out Obama on matters of principle and consistency. What’s bothering me is that they take for granted that Obama’s recent policy positions are undeniably right-leaning (or at least antithetical to progressive causes).
I’m willing to admit that the left has some inherent base principles—respect for legitimate difference; advocacy for the relatively disadvantaged, for instance. However, aside from supporting gay legal rights, there is no major current policy position that characterizes left principles. All others—pro-affirmative action measures, pro-choice policies, pacifism—don’t cut it. My problem with the Obama-as-ideological-turncoat meme is that Obama’s recent policy positions don’t actually undermine any fundamental left principles. I don’t think his positions are conservative; I think they’re practical. Big difference.
Let’s have a look at some of these positions over which Obama’s taking heat from the left:
1.) On Father’s Day, Obama blasted “cum droppers” who fail to take responsibility for their children. And what do negroes do? Run him down for criticizing black men in earshot of white folks. “He’s become Cosby.” Shit, I hope so! Everybody with sense (including Dyson) knows that The Cos’ was right. Yet, many on the left are content to let people claim personal responsibility and fatherhood as conservative values (but only in public), while the majority of kids in the most vulnerable neighborhoods languish without fathers. No wonder “liberal” is such a dirty word.
2.) After years of support for gun control laws, Obama recently stated that the recent 5-4 Supreme Court decision overturning D.C.’s ban on handguns would “provide much-needed guidance to local jurisdictions across the country” and suggested that he had always backed the individual rights view of gun ownership. That’s all fine with me, but I wonder how many of the liberals condemning him (well, the black ones anyway) valorize the Panthers and the Deacons for Defense?
3.) While we’re on the subject of the Supreme Court and 5-4 decisions, Obama disagreed with their recent 5-4 decision that a State nay not impose the death penalty for child rapists (and, more broadly, for criminals whose victims did not die). So, Obama supports the death penalty for child rapists? What a callous monster!
4.) Obama declares that he would like to reform and expand Bush’s program to send government funds to religious charities and is catching hell from the left. I am certainly no fan of the erosion of the separation of church and state, but segments of this country are seriously fucked up. There are areas within our borders that resemble mini failed states, and given our spending habits, government cannot fix this mess by itself. I don’t even fuck with religion, but that sounds practical to me, especially since he’s against these faith-based programs discriminating based on creed.
5.) Obama panders to AIPAC, gives his full support to Israel, and talks tough toward Iran, and all of a sudden, he’s a spineless neocon. Uh, how many prominent politicians in the U.S., progressive or otherwise, fail to publicly profess full support for Israel?
6.) Obama gives a speech on his patriotism, and he’s a Reaganite. Hey, I don’t understand any form of collectivist ideology, especially those of the flag-waving variety, but why should Obama be criticized for holding these Mr. Smith goes to Washington ideals? Didn’t the whole flag pin nonsense reveal that Obama’s was a more critical brand of patriotism?
7.) Obama states that he may need to “refine” his policy on Iraq, and the response to this non-story is swift. Is he backtracking? Is he pandering? Will he keep us in Iraq as long as McCain would? Whatever. Don’t we rail against Bush for his stubborn refusal to change his policies in light of new information?
8.) Obama supports the FISA compromise. In all fairness, the left is correct to criticize Obama for this position. No good can come from expansive government spying Greenwald has done great work on Democrat's FISA capitulation.
Again, it’s healthy to criticize Obama’s recent positions; it’s troubling, though, to take away his progressive card for taking these particular positions. By ostracizing anyone who doesn’t toe the ideological line, I fear that those on the left are conceding that the mark of progressive thought is not critical thinking—challenging the status quo, and seeking to overturn unjust traditional power relations—but simply being against conservatives.
That is called groupthink.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
It seems that there are some self-hating black folks who are actively organizing against Obama (I emphasize the "active" because I really don't care if you are self-hating, stay in your house, and mind your own business). I also don't believe in either orthodoxy tests for "blackness," or in arbitrarily kicking people out of the "tribe" so to speak because they neither sufficiently nor correctly perform "blackness." However, black Republicans and their decision to support a party which clearly doesn't have the interests of their community at heart has always vexed me (except if you are rich, in which case it would make sense to this respectable negro--black utility heuristic aside--to vote your pocketbook).
With that having been said, I would not deem black Republicans to be any more or less "black" than I would kente cloth wearing, spoken word, all day pontificating, conspiracy theory possessed, Border's bookstore chess-playing, former black Panthers. In my opinion, I have found these distinctions and conversations to be both unproductive and purely normative. For me, the question has always been: Do you love your people? Do you believe in justice? And how are you working toward that end? We can fight about the details, but ultimately, I care more about the end goal, than how we get there.
However, some black conservatives work so feverishly in the service of ingratiating themselves to "White Folk" at the expense of justice, common sense, and decency that they must be called out. Random thought: isn't it funny how these sycophants often don't realize that the very white folks whose butts these lapdogs are kissing, actually don't respect them as people?
To that point, it seems that the National Black Republican Association (a.k.a. Uncle Toms Against Obama) is running a series of advertisements where they attack the presumed Democratic presidential nominee. Some choice excerpts from the Washington Post:
Here's a sample of what you might hear on your radio: "Bitter is what Obama called blacks and whites who love God. Racist is what Obama called his white grandmother who raised him and made sacrifices so Obama could get a good education and become a millionaire," says the narrator one of the spots.
"Obama's mentor for 20-years was Rev. Jeremiah Wright, who said innocent Americans deserved to die on September 11th," says the voiceover in another.In reading the article, I felt like I had stepped through the looking glass. Maybe, I said to myself, I am in alternate reality of sorts? A reality that is profoundly different from my own, where the arguments offered by the National Black Republican Association actually makes sense?
Hmmmm....that's it. I am displaced in time and space: I have fallen down the rabbit hole!
It seems in my confusion, that I may need to seek out truth seekers to guide me on my journey: Fortunately, I think I may have found one in Mr. HK Edgerton:
Are there any other mentors, personal gurus who can me find the Right path back to the light? Is there anyone--Larry Elder can you hear my pleas?--anyone at all, who is able to help this profoundly confused, respectable negro? Maybe I need to go to the source, to embark upon a quest to find the holy grail: a Rosetta stone that will help me understand the alternate reality in which the National Black Republicans reside?
Luckily, I think I may have found it:
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Hopefully, Mr. Horn has a legal defense fund we can contribute to--just kidding, or am I?
Here is the Horn story and the link to one of our first blog posts which is to this day (at least by our humble standards) one of our most popular posts. Given that we have grown a bit in our readership over the last few months, a flashback seems both timely, and appropriate.
HOUSTON, Texas (AP) -- A Texas man who shot and killed two men he suspected of burglarizing his neighbor's home was cleared in the shootings Monday by a grand jury.
Joe Horn shot and killed two men last November after he saw them crawl out a neighbor's window.
Joe Horn, 61, shot the two men in November after he saw them crawling out the windows of a neighbor's house in the Houston suburb of Pasadena.
Horn called 911 and told the dispatcher he had a shotgun and was going to kill the men. The dispatcher pleaded with him not to go outside, but Horn confronted the men with a 12-gauge shotgun and shot both in the back.
"The message we're trying to send today is the criminal justice system works," Harris County District Attorney Kenneth Magidson said.
Horn's attorney, Tom Lambright, has said his client believed the two men had broken into his neighbor's home and that he shot them only when they came into his yard and threatened him.
The two Horn suspected of committing burglary, Hernando Riascos Torres, 38, and Diego Ortiz, 30, were unemployed illegal immigrants from Colombia. Torres was deported to Colombia in 1999 after a 1994 cocaine-related conviction.
The episode touched off protests from civil rights activists who said the shooting was racially motivated and that Horn took the law into his own hands. Horn's supporters defended his actions, saying he was protecting himself and being a good neighbor to a homeowner who was out of town.
- KHOU: Local coverage
"I understand the concerns of some in the community regarding Mr. Horn's conduct," Magidson said. "The use of deadly force is carefully limited in Texas law to certain circumstances ... In this case, however, the grand jury concluded that Mr. Horn's use of deadly force did not rise to a criminal offense."
Lambright did not immediately return a phone call seeking comment from The Associated Press.
Texas law allows people to use deadly force to protect themselves if it is reasonable to believe they are in mortal danger. In limited circumstances, people also can use deadly force to protect a neighbor's property; for example, if a homeowner asks a neighbor to watch over his property while he's out of town.
It's not clear whether the neighbor whose home was burglarized asked Horn to watch over his house.
This is gonna be a long one...
A few months back, a story circulated regarding a drug called, "jenkem." Apparently, this "new" drug, a product of Africa of course--where those poor natives do nothing but fight famine, suffer under genocide, live in failed States, and huff shit--consists of human feces and urine in a bong. Here, the "user" would take a "hit" by inhaling the noxious fumes generated by this ungodly concoction:
2. .09: the New Black Panthers make their appearance. Doesn't their leadership look like something out of Reverend Slick's, "Jive Soul Bro' Video?"
3. .11: "You are a disgrace to your race, get a job"--white symbolic racism in action
4. 1:02: "U.S.A., U.S.A."--Uhh ohh, the "White Power," oops I mean "U.S.A." chants have begun. Frankly, I prefer the honesty of Seig Heil and those honest skinhead types who advertise their bigotry and don't hide behind slogans of "equality" or "freedom"
5. 1:17 to 3:07: motorcycle's revving their engines and more U.S.A. chants--You know motorcycles scare off black radicals. Note to any white racists reading this post: motorcycles are more effective than water when it comes to scaring away black people.
6. 3:56-7:40: More U.S.A. chants
7. 8;37-8:51: More rebel yells, motorcycles revving, and The New Black Panthers beat a hasty retreat
Member of Cobra
Code Name: Revolution
Real Name: Ty Jackson
Bio: Recruited from the legendary rap group Public Enemy's cadre of elite bodyguards, The S1W's, Revolution is an expert in political theater and all manner of clowning and cooning. Although only 5 feet tall, Revolution has spent time in the Army National Guard where he received a dishonorable discharge for drug use and insubordination. Revolution, later went to prison where he was recruited by Cobra. Following his formal training on Cobra Island, Revolution was tasked with corrupting black radical organizations. As a member of the "Ebony Guards," Revolution worked in parallel with The Crimson Guard. While the latter was tasked with infiltrating suburban communities, corporations, and industry, the Ebony Guards were tasked with urban "renewal" and ghetto "pacification."
Weapon specialties: Saturday night specials; zip guns; Molotov cocktails; spoken word poetry; bad fashion; revolutionary fury; instant recall of conspiracy theories; and knowledge of self.
Postscript: Now, I would of course be Snake-Eyes, Zora would be Scarlett, but Gordon who would you be? Maybe Doc, or perhaps Alpine?
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Chauncey DeVega says: Sometimes You Can't Make This Stuff Up--Man Arrested While Trying to Collect and Drink Young Boys's Urine
Here is the story and the video:
Man Accused of Obtaining Boy's Pee to Drink
An Ohio man faces charges after allegedly hiding in public restrooms to obtain and drink boys'urine.Alan Patton, a convicted sex offender, was found trying to collect urine inside a men's restroom at Sports Ohio in Dublin, according to police. Sports Ohio is a facility that features miniature golf, batting cages, Go Karts and a picnic pavilion, among other amenities.Police said that Patton, 56, had shut off water to the urinals and placed cups inside them. Police charged Patton with criminal mischief, reported WBNS-TV in Columbus, Ohio.Patton faced the same charges in 2006 after putting plastic wrap and cups in urinals in public restroom toilets in an attempt to collect and drink the urine of young boys, reported WCMH-TV in Columbus.After his arrest in 2006, Patton told police that he suffered from urophilia, a sexual fetish involving urine. He also told police that drinking boys' urine made him feel like he was "drinking their youth," WBNS reported.At that time, Patton was told by a Franklin County judge that he was not allowed to enter a public restroom nor facilities such as movie theaters and libraries. He is supposed to be under electronic surveillance, WCMH reported
Now, I know we have quite a few resident pee pee drinkers...well actually folks that like to pee on others...in the black community, and some of them are celebrities:
But, rather than impulsively judge someone else's lifestyle, I decided to do a little research about pee pee drinking and its "positive" effects.
So here's Johnny!...no, oh well...Let's play the "did you know?" game instead.
1. Did you know that urine is therapeutic? Apparently, it is good for the skin, and if you drink pee, it works in a holistic fashion to heal all that pains the body? I learned something new. From Natural Skin, Natural Beauty:
"Dr John Armstrong (author of The Water of Life) emphasizes the need to massage with urine. He insists that cures work faster and more effectively in those who are bathed, massaged, rubbed and soaked in their own urine. He highly recommends it for more serious illnesses, since urine is absorbed through the skin and the hormonal and protein-based contents are slowly reabsorbed into the system, bypassing digestive juices that otherwise may have neutralised their potency. In this way, it also works as an excellent cosmetic for moisturising and healing skin blemishes, burns and scar tissue. However, for this usage, it is preferable to use urine that is 4 to 8 days old. The smell of ammonia in the old urine is not toxic but actually beneficial if used topically only, and not taken internally. Urine can be massaged topically for the most chronic and stubborn skin problems, such as acne, eczema, psoriasis, ringworm, sores, fungal infections, insect bites, wounds, burns and even gangrene. (Ureacin, is a urea cream for skin problems)."
2. Did you know that villagers in China tout the health benefits of drinking urine? Maybe we Americans are behind the curve on this one? Is this going to be a an Olympic sport? Are good non-pee drinking Americans going to be competing against super-powered, pee drinking Chinese supermen? Not fair. But, given that China is exotic and mysterious, with thousands of years of history, maybe the Yang Guizi should consider drinking a little of nature's natural lemonade?
3. Did you know that this is why Africa is a failed continent? Apparently, the government of Cameroon has banned urine drinks because they are a health hazard. Come on folks, if China, a rising superpower, has endorsed pee drinking, perhaps our friends in Africa can get behind this initiative as a way of improving their societies?
4. Did you know that apparently, India, another decrepit and old culture, also loves pee drinking? See, I knew we folks were behind the curve.
5. Back to America's heartland aka "Bush Country": Did you know that Meth heads will do anything to get high? It seems that these folks are now filtering their urine in order to recapture any meth they may have excreted out through urination. Damn! I thought crack heads were crazy back in the day, but did they ever drink their own pee? Wait a minute, you don't have to answer that question...
6. Did you know that I love creative writing? I love the prose, the language, the rhythm of words put to paper. Apparently, some creative types have found inspiration for their writing by fantasizing about pee and golden showers. From the Sprinkles, Golden Showers website here is some wonderfully inspired, erotic, pee pee inspired writing:
"The morning was hot and sunny so we ordered a big breakfast and set out to do some desert exploring. We took a lot of water with us as well as sodas and some snacks. We took a big blanket, and set out to see the desert around Albuquerque NM. We went to the north and struck out on a little dirt road that looked interesting. We soon found ourselves in a little canyon that had a small waterfall and was green and cooler than the surrounding desert. We decided to take a swim. We striped out of our clothes and ran naked to the cool water. I had drank a 2 liter bottle of water and had to pee so bad when I hit the cool water, I swam up and jumped on my friends back and let go a stream of hot pee down his back. He immediately got hard and turned around to let a hot stream go on my bare tits. Oh did that make me horny. I started to splash him with water and we had a big water fight...."
I have to admit, I am a bit titillated.
7. Did you know that if you read the above story, and you are a "piggy" who wants to "get in the tub" and enjoy some "water sports" make sure to click on this link to find all the "wet" and "hot" nightspots in the Boston area? We do strive to serve the public after all.
8. And yes, there is always a black one:
9. Did you know that Al Pacino once starred in a movie called, Cruising, where he played an undercover cop trying to arrest a gay serial killer? It really is a cult classic, Al dances with men, Al exposes New York City's gay kink subculture, and Al let's the rest of us in on the secret codes of the street (make sure to choose the yellow handkerchief:
Monday, June 30, 2008
Chauncey DeVega says: In Flag City USA, Good, Old, White Folks, Aren't Racists, They Simply Believe in Tradition
A select quote from the Washington Post story, "In Flag City USA, False Obama Rumors Are Flying:"
"People in Findlay are kind of funny about change," said Republican Mayor Pete Sehnert, a retired police officer who ran for the office on a whim last year. "They always want things the way they were, and any kind of development is always viewed as making things worse, a bad thing."
When people on College Street started hearing rumors about Obama -- who looked different from other politicians and often talked about change -- they easily believed the nasty stories about an outsider.
"I think Obama would be a disaster, and there's a lot of reasons," said Pollard, explaining the rumors he had heard about the candidate from friends he goes camping with. "I understand he's from Africa, and that the first thing he's going to do if he gets into office is bring his family over here, illegally. He's got that racist [pastor] who practically raised him, and then there's the Muslim thing. He's just not presidential material, if you ask me."
I guess change is scary. This fear is compounded by the fact that conservatives have an intolerance for ambiguity and struggle to process new information--some researchers, in their less polite moments, would argue that conservatives have authoritarian personalities (in layman's terms they are attracted to "strong" leaders like Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, and Premier Bush aka Cheney's Number Two).
This story reminds me of the time when my parents upgraded from rabbit ears to cable. This change caused quite a bit of frustration in my childhood home-all these buttons, that big heavy clunky cable box, with the wire connected to the remote, and more than five stations...so confusing for older Americans. Then my dad discovered the Playboy station so things were okay--I also loved the Playboy station because you could manipulate the fine tuning on the cable box in order to make the station clearer. I am sure many a young boy's masturbatory fantasies were given both fuel and fire by some fine adjustment on yee' old cable box.
I also fondly remember the anxiety when we upgraded again from records, to cassettes, and then to compact disks. Pops was scared again, but low and behold--and once he figured out how to put the CD in with the label facing upwards--things were once more copacetic.
It seems older folks are still scared of Obama. Perhaps our brother needs to partner with the AARP? I can see it now, a legion of gray ghosts fanning out across Florida, small town USA, and Manhattan, spreading the truth, and working against the concerted disinformation campaign targeting Obama (and by the way see this great article on one of my favorite people, Danielle Allen, and her research on the Obama smear campaign--I love to see smart (actually genius level) black folk doing their thing).
But, lest I be accused of picking on the elderly, Americans in general don't appear to be too bright. This is the reason I don't support democracy. For your examination, here is some recent public opinion research demonstrating the wisdom of the masses:
1. 7 percent of Americans believe Elvis is still alive.
2. 13 percent of Americans believe the Da Vinci code is real.
3. 39 percent of Americans believe in Creationism (boy our schools have utterly and truly failed haven't they? And not just the young black ign'ts, but white folks too).
4. 33.3 percent (that is one third by the way) of Americans believe in UFOs, witches and astrology--hey UFO's are real, just ask my man Riley Martin--you didn't know that black apartment dwellers also get kidnapped by aliens? You best get up to speed people!
5. 41 percent of Americans believe that Saddam had something to do with Al Queda and 9-11. Goodness.
Ohh the good, old days, we all long for them. We had manicured lawns, well behaved children, all the race mixers kept their love private, those Negroes knew their place, everyone spoke English, and those foreigners stayed on their own side of the tracks, water, fence, ocean, continent, etc.:
And most importantly, John Wayne--not that demi-God Chuck Norris--was the order of day:
I would be remiss if I didn’t comment on the recent loss of one of our greatest political analysts and commentators. He was a giant, a tireless inquisitor who never ceased to wrangle with the political elite. He was known for his meticulous preparation, and he made sure that his shows were imbued with his hard work and indelible energy.
I’m talking, of course, about George Carlin. What? Did you expect me to say someone else?
If he were alive, Carlin would tear into all of those who attempt to eulogize him: first, because the “speak no ill of the dead” rule is stupid: why should your opinion of someone be dependent on whether he or she is alive?; and second, these same pseudo-journalists are responsible for ouranti-intellectual culture, for the weak “everybody’s a winner” ethos, for the boomer yuppie narcissism and corporate tyranny that Carlin made it his life mission to deride.
If any non-black cultural critic should receive honorary respectable negro status, it’s Carlin. He deserves it because of his mastery of the language, his unparalleled bullshit-meter, and his refusal to blindly accept the platitudes and senseless conventions that people rarely challenge.
At the risk of (racking up demerits on) my negro card, I consider Carlin the greatest stand-up comedian who ever lived--greater than the Cos’; greater than Pryor; greater than Bruce (Bruce gets an honorary negro card too for all the shit the law put him through).
Sometime in college, I adopted Carlin’s detached, misanthropic worldview. He, more than any other, understood the fundamental paradox of humanity: that without collectives, we could never survive as a species and as a collection of societies; yet the idea and practice of groups (and groupthink in particular) spawn the other-ing that is responsible for the most loathsome human behavior.
Despite his seeming contempt for his fellow humans, in his final interview, Carlin acknowledged that he does care about people—his disdain, he argues, is based on our squandered potential. This contradiction resonates with me as a self-proclaimed respectable negro. While I am uncomfortable with all forms of collective identity, I care about people as a whole, and I have a special interest in black people, no matter how much we fuck up in the aggregate. Though I’ve been wrestling with their implications for years, I still haven’t worked out a consistent position on linked fate and the black utility heuristic. Who knew being a negro was so psychologically taxing?
7 Dirty Words gets the most attention, but these three bits are among my favorite Carlin pieces, and are, I think, representative of his genius.
1.) A brilliant, parsimonious deconstruction of the 10 Commandments:
2.) An honest look at our country’s culture of war and history of racism:
3.) A bit about the euphemistic “soft language” that pervades modern English:
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Shame on you Mr. Thomas.
Again, I shake my head in disbelief. As you all know, I don't do religion. I don't get religion. And, frankly, I don't understand religion. That having been said, this is the type of posturing and speech that makes me most concerned about the fate and future of our republic. While we may flirt with, play with, and are touched by the closeness in our secular State of faith and government--what is for me a too close union of religion and the public and political spheres--we also, among most at least, possess a political culture, that says "no mas," "out of bounds," and "we ain't going there" in regards to our moving even closer to an American Theocracy.
When I hear this not so coded speech from the Right, especially during an election year, I can only shake my head:
Do They Think Jesus Was a Liar?
By Cal Thomas
Syndicated Columnist/FOX News Contributor
I am shocked and appalled over a newly published survey by the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life. It finds most Americans believe there are many ways to salvation besides their own faith. Most disturbing of all is the majority of self-identified evangelical Christians who believe this.
Apparently they must think Jesus was a liar, or mistaken, when he said: “I am the way, the truth and the life; no man comes to the Father but by me.” Look it up.
This theological ignorance is a product of several things. It is surely a product of biblical illiteracy by people who don’t read, or selectively read scripture. It is also fallout from the political correctness vice that says you are intolerant if you believe anything to be true, because people who have another truth, or no truth, might feel bad and experience rejection.
If they feel rejection now, wait until they hear “away from me, I never knew you.”
Tolerance is a good thing. People should tolerate and respect people of different faiths, or no faith. But watering down your own set of professed doctrines in order to appeal to the lowest spiritual common denominator is akin to Peter denying Christ three times.
If there are many paths to heaven, Jesus suffered and died for nothing. He could have stayed in heaven, sent down a book of sayings and avoided crucifixion. Orthodox Christians have always believed – and their Bible teaches them — there is only one path to heaven and it is through Jesus Christ and him alone. One can believe whatever one wishes, but you can’t be considered a Christian without believing in this fundamental doctrine.
Christian churches have a lot of work to do in addressing biblical illiteracy, ignorance and, yes, heresy, in their midst. They might want to pay more attention to fixing what’s gone wrong among their members before expending too much energy on politics and politicians.
I haven't used this phrase in a few months, but Mr. Thomas it may be time for you to get a well-deserved ass whoopin' in the style and form that only King Kong Bundy (especially when he was body slamming midgets) could deliver:
As B.I.G. said, "keep religion and politics completed separated," well he didn't exactly say that, but you do get my drift.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
It seems that the crazy grandmother in the attic is accompanied by the slightly less crazy aunt in the living room.
As reported by the Washington Post, Obama's campaign has led to an upsurge in recruitment activity among white supremacist groups. It seems that Obama, the lovable, deracialized, and post-racial, Halfrican, is a threat to their deeply held belief that America has been, should continue to, and will always be, the white man's country (how about that for honesty? sort of refreshing isn't it?) In the Washington Post piece, we learned that recruitment activity is up; Obama has been a proverbial lightening rod for white hate group organizing; and Obama's safety is again in question:
While racial terrorists are afflicted with anxiety and worry about the prospect of a black president--and are actively strategizing about how to respond to Obama's candidacy--the American public marginalized these groups, and their old fashioned racism as curiosities, mere curios if you would have them, and ultimately antiquities of a not so distant past.
For example, white supremacists make great fodder for daytime television and tabloid style news shows:
These mouth breathers are "entertaining," and "funny," because they are walking, talking, anachronisms:
Moreover, these dinosaurs are the perfect source for comedy because they speak to the anxieties present in America's political and racial subconscious:
We know these folks are real. We know they are dangerous. And frankly, we should all be more aware of how violent and murderous these racial terrorists are, and continue to be, in the present:
White supremacists are the crazy grandmother in the attic who is kept medicated, locked up, and gagged lest she embarrass the family. In our racially enlightened, colorblind present, a moment in which we have transcended race, this old fashioned bigotry (what one of my favorite, left, Marxist, race theorists once labeled as dominative racism) is passe. America defeated the Jim Crow regime, equal opportunity is available to all. We don't kill and lynch black folk anymore. Racial violence is intolerable. And the cult of multiculturalism and politically correct speech ensures that anyone who would give voice to racism is not so gently dismissed from the public square. In fact, colorblindness is so triumphant that the problem of race, the challenge of the color line, has now been perverted into one where our primary crusade now involves grappling with "reverse racism," and the self-destructive behaviors, as opposed to social structures, that largely explain black poverty and relative social and economic disadvantage.
These conventions do a great deal of work for our society because by so narrowly defining white supremacy and racism, the bar is raised so high, the definition made so specific, that we are all good liberals. Ultimately, the family keeps crazy grandma around precisely because she is a reminder of their sanity. However, this same family has a harder time controlling the slightly less crazy aunt.
To this point, the Washington Post and ABC News, recently conducted a poll where one third of respondents admitted to racial bias. In keeping with well-documented trends in racial attitudes and public opinion the poll indicates that: race relations are generally described as improving; that there are more friendships across the color line; and general attitudes about the prospect of a black president are moderate to high. Predictable.
But here is what caught my attention: "About a fifth of whites said a candidate's race is important in determining their vote, but Obama does no worse among those who said so than among those who called it a small factor or no factor...and "Nor are whites who said they have at least some feelings of racial prejudice more or less apt to support Obama than those who profess no such feelings."
Hmmm...this is worrisome. So folks have deeply held racial attitudes but don't act on them? We have long known that racial attitudes are a proxy for other political attitudes. In this case, we are expected to believe that Obama as a candidate can override these deeply held beliefs. The public isn't always consistent, nor are they always rational and predictable, but this inconsistency causes me no small amount of pause. When we factor in the Hillary supporters, many of whom are deeply upset and resentful (and some will either stay home or vote for McCain) towards Obama, these waters become further muddied. Moreover, given that in our racially egalitarian, colorblind society, respondents know what to say and how to respond to surveys on these issues, could it be, God forbid, that folks are lying? That these respondents are saying what is socially desirable as opposed to what they actually believe?
We will not know until November how these dynamics will play out. But, indulging my fantasy of being Negrodamus, I will make one simple prediction: while Obama is ahead in the polls and logic would dictate that history is on Obama's side in his campaign against McCain (heir apparent to a highly unpopular incumbent president, with consumer confidence at record lows, and gas prices on the rise), latent white racism, that less crazy Aunt in the living room, is going to make herself known come voting day:
Reasoned worry or overwrought paranoia?